I live a life of mild highs and extreme lows

take a hit and hold it in
**** reality
let the bitter smoke fill that hole in your chest
til' nothing means anything
and you can laugh at yourself again

floaters in my eyes move and groove to the sound of my speeding heartbeat
until they form into the form of my perfect nightmare although, i really dont care.
and the lover of all life just learned to hate death.
so i will stare at the red and yellow colors hugging cracks in my cealing, what is this feeling?
i dont want to wake up and leave my light fairlylight tree.
ringing phones call me from every side.
but i wont rise from the sleep that ive worked so hard to disign.
not until static ***** my ears and froces me to cry.
putting on that polyester mask that they all call my pretty smile.
walking through the lions den i call home.

Dancing and jiving to the sound of the heart monitor in the back
Your seizing like a seizure and im beating like a heart attack
Grandma's dead
Dad shot her in the head and we’re
Drinkin and dancin tonight
I feel FINE
And we can slide through the slick halls
Flirtin with the white walls
and sign that everythings always alrigh
****** all up in her feeding tube,
Take a shot of anesthesia every time she makes a Cadaveric move
Yeah grandmas livin it up tonight
Now we’ll moonwalk into a birthing center just to step to those jarring screams
You've got syringe glass in your hair. I'm sitting in the doctor's chair. Yeah, I'm dancing with the girl of my fever dreams!!!
spike the ceyline bags with laughing gas, its so funny. not knee slapping funny just so funny.
We’ll have a disco party in the medicare
Weave some new bath towel from fallen cancer hair
Yeah this ***** getting crazy and i'm with you
**** who are you?

Time is stretching
I don’t know what i am doing
But i am slipping
Why is no one listening?
The walls are watching me
They’re calling my name
Are my words blind to the ears?

words fall out my mouth scattered
Don’t they?
Must be
Has to be!

Must be the curse given at birth
Forgotten child
Be quite child
Sit down child
Behave
Don’t scream
Pick up your feet
Straighten your back
Clean that paint
Don’t scream
Stay still
Don’t breathe, child

words fall out my mouth scattered
Don’t they?
Must be
Has to be!

I had my head full of dreams
Colours and ecstasy
These pills they make me feel grey
And they take pieces of my identity
Burn them at the corner of my brain
But i am not feeling so good
I am just me and your so many

I am not ready ..

I had my head full of dreams
Visions and blurred reality
These hands they make me feel raw
And they pour tears on my open scars
They open my mouth, let out a laughter
A scream right between my teeth
I am not feeling so good
I am just me and your so many

Just one more hit
Let me drown myself
And you take my body’s suit,
Just one more hit
Ill dose off in a haze
And then you can bury me
In all my favourite colours

I'm addicted to the way hold me
I'm addicted to the way you feel
I'm addicted to your touch
Hush...
I get a sudden rush
Your more than just my crush.
Your like a narcotic
You got me believing your lies,
Your hypnotic
If you were **** youd be chronic
You make inside my head go chaotic..
Let's be honest.
Your bad for my health ,but I don't want anyone else 
Loving you is hell,
But when your right next to me,I can't resist you
Your like a drug to me.
Why cant you see how bad I need you
Like an addict needs their fix,
Its hit and miss with you.
I try so hard to believe in you
But you keep making it hard to **** with you.
I really ******* love you
I wish youd open your eyes and see me.
Your like a narcotic to me I'm addicted and I cant give you up
I need your rush
It's a must , its toxic
Like the drugs, but I want it,
I need it
I gotta have your rush.

I am not sure who i am
Feels like you know your program
I am here floating, *******!

I am here and there
And everywhere
And it’s hard to sleep
There and here
And where every where is

I am nothing
But even nothing is something
It’s exhausting
And quite daunting
Maybe even hunting
Am i rambling?

I apologise
I don’t open my mouth much
My tongue is on a crutch
I apologise
For my eyes
As they wonder off
They like to run around the roses

I am nothing
But even nothing is something
It’s exhausting
And quite daunting
Maybe even hunting
Am i rambling?