i see you in gold
intrepid on the mountain
and a person now

If I should tell you ‘Bout all that’s not gold,
I won’t be speaking of the dangles on my mother’s neck,
The stud on my sisters’ ear or the rock between her finger.

I rather walk you through society and how we paint it
How we lose sight of reality and view just the glam
How we concentrate on what’s flashy…
and how we don’t see cute to see the ugly, rather view the paint in Awe
and see the pain in ‘gust.
I will tell you how we channel our focus on the big weddings and lose the sight of the bigger picture.

So, if I’m to talk about all that glitters that is not gold, do know these:
I’d be telling you of the painful truth you chose to ignore,
The scandals that come with the big weddings,
The agony masked in smiles, the pain of each like button
How each comment burns like fire.
Would let you in on my mother’s secret,
How her dangles are not real, she also removes her spackling watch before the end of each occasion.
I’d tell you how my sister’s earrings fade daily and insomnia she gets from the rock on her finger.

I will tell you how reality is far from society, and leaves you to face the agony.
So, when you think about a sparkling gold, think about the last trend and those who end with it.
Think about earth and how we rotate with it,
Please think about reality.

in your absence,
i am a shore that  has eyes only for waves and annoying rocks,
  how for thousands of years are grinding one another,
the sand
  an infant with many stony relatives babysitting when it plays with the water,
runs from shore into the sea, comes out  like gold,
in your absence touches my feet, i built  castles in the sand,
the sand never builds castles for itself, it only sticks to my feet,  hands,
wants to go home with me,
last night i was turning from side to side,
twisting,
the bed was full of sand,

I was shovelling drifted snow outside  today
and was overcome  again
by the warmth of that  beautiful,
   deep feeling.

You may never understand
the need to push through the mundane
and into the deep,  central Core
of the one you care most about.
    For you,
in your current world, that is not attainable..
but for me..  looking at you..

I know you very much have that  deeply-gorgeous,
extremely worthwhile attainability in you.

Without connecting deeply with one such as you,
I would just be sliding superficially along the surface
throughout this entire 'life' here..

Knowing there is a whole world of untapped closeness
lying just under the status-quo
of the normal 'everyday' operating level.

That is not saying we would necessarily  be ******

       at all

   It just means that there is,  sadly
   such a huge amount of giving up  of the Beautiful
   in order to continue on skating along the surface.

That is why I do what I do, and say the things I say
   late at night.
During the day, I am operating  
out there on the "everyday" level.
At night,  I am connecting into the unfathomable depths
of the most lusciously-beautiful gold mine I have ever known.
I can't do the "surface" thing with you, Young-love..
    In fact..  I won't.  

You get that in your marriage,
and pretty much everywhere else around you.
I refuse to be a part of that tremendously sad list.

You will never not be that deeply luscious gold mine..
You will never not be fully worthy of the attempt.

You want to be left alone.

  
      .. ok.

I don't have the right to write you a poem
But let me do it anyways.

I wish I had been prettier,
more kind, more bold,
I wish I had deserved one of your thoughts.
I was content, though,
Watching you from a distance,
While around you they caved the gold mine,
And all the girls tried their luck.
I was happy enough,
Knowing you knew my name.
I remember you
Not without nostalgia,
Because I wish I had been prettier,
more kind, more bold,
To have deserved one glance, one touch.
But our threads got lost in the riverbed,
I threw my coin and lost you to fate,
That is why I let you go
And be another's,
And maybe someday I'll see you again
And be brave enough to say
That I took my chances and lost the gold,
But that someone I hope deserved you more.

Don't look for the rainbow's end. Look for it's beginning. That is where the gold is.

Gods arise and i hide behind the sun
What could a soul like me do in the presence of divinity?
Eyes of gold cut toward me
And i know the message they hold
But i, the coward, simply look away into the flames

Its fitting here, lying on the sun
I pretend my agony is from the flames
Even though a soul has no physical body
Yearning has scarred me like glimpses of the moon
And i remember life in solitude

****** hits like sinking deeper into the sun
I look past the sky into the heavens above
Clouded by a lazy orange haze
I watch the gods weep to make rain

Sorrowful existence with no real meaning
A star burns in the distance
I pull fire over me as if i could feel the heat
Like comfort could ever come to me

And when a god sends way for me
They lift me from the flames like a leaf on water
Like a shell from the sea
They mold me a body and toss me away to the earth
Says ‘come back to me, my child, when you can feel bliss’

And i grow up desperate for love
Desperate to feel pleasure in the midst of pain
Learn a thing or two about happiness
And false hope of a single god
Wander the earth and revel in its beauty
Scar the skin they so gracefully gave me

And when i have lived as much as i can
I become cowardly again
I see their face in my dreams
I get old yet stay the same
Die in my sleep one day

My soul rests on the sun again
And they come to greet me
Says ‘did you learn what you could be’
Hugs my scarred body
As i nod timidly

I learned of pleasure
I learned of love
I learned to feel
At home in the heavens above