November looms,
A new day has started,
I have aged one more year...
Fighting with the battles of life...
A new year comes...
With lots of hope...
I pray the coming year brings many blessings from God..
Happy Birthday to me... !!!

Lucidity

Slips down your fingers like a woman you undress
I know the feeling well and it's coming I guess
Asleep for a while of dreams that I can never confess
Motionless and happy for a while with the life I've been blessed
To see things how they could be if only I had money and a desk
Running from ones self is a journey of life and of deaths
Turn around and go back but you can't so you give it a rest
I'm sitting right here in the house that I love the best
So don't come around here because I'll send God to give you the final test.

When everything goes wrong
Just makes the time when
Everything goes right
That much sweeter

Adieu


Every time I'm alone I find my self being alone with you
Wandering what you are doing or speaking to someone new
You let me fall in love with you and that's gone it's true
But when I'm all alone with my self all I can think of is you

I'm not the same young man you adored and loved after all that I've been through
I am just a shadow of the man that even I dreamed and wanted too
I live each day with a wish and a hope that the stars above will lighten my feelings and you might be looking as a single bird comes to you
In my mind I'm that bird in your hands cooing with the warmth I once knew
Then when you wake up in the morning a single feather of a wing sat on your pillow that will always remind you that I am the bird that was warmed by your hand holding mine through the looking glass adieu adieu.

Full steam ahead, at last,
No journey into the past,
Solar flares with clues
To our lives, nothing to do with you,
Full steam ahead, Oh no,
More like steady as she goes,
On track for peaceful days,
Serene golden years is the way....

Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Nothing has happened.

Everything remains exactly as it was.
I am I, and you are you,
and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.

Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolute and unbroken continuity.
What is this death but a negligible accident?

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just round the corner.

All is well.
Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!!!

I heard them saying:
"she goes places sometimes".
I knew they meant I leave sticky notes on their mirrors saying "I'll be back, but don't wait up".

I knew that they meant that I sometimes take the long way home for the view, even if the view is the industrial sight where my ambition died.

I knew they meant that, there are voices in my head that are screaming at me dark thoughts, so loud that sometimes they can hear them too.

I knew that they meant I don't wear yellow anymore because I'm afraid I'll go blind; that my eyes have adjusted to the lack of light that surrounds me.

I knew they meant no harm.
I knew they didn't want me to hear them.

I knew they meant that I practice holding my breath for countless minutes just incase they catch me playing dead in the bathtub again.

I knew they meant that I read the endings of books before starting them so I won't be disappointed. I knew they meant that I'm tired of being disappointed.

I knew they meant that I am weaker than usual; that I don't wear as many sharp edges or that I don't smell like kerosene after it's been set on fire.

that I don't ignite at the sound of pistols, I just welcome bullets.

that I don't walk on the perimeter of the ocean, I just drink the water till the salinity makes me see the world in different colours.

that I'm not afraid of heights, I'm just afraid of falling.
that I wear a kind of loneliness that doesn't wash off.

I knew they were trying their best to be gentle,
but I was trying my best to be tough.

but when you light the world on fire time after time, you get tired of rebuilding walls.

you get tired of looking your best; of drawing attention; of wearing yellow.

you get tired of holding your breath, and you let in the voices.

and you take the long way home, and you don't feel bad that you didn't leave a note.

BE patient for you were once like him.
Young, joyous and dead inside. Let your frustrations melt into compassion for the journey he is embarking on. Your patience is a gift, hard earned , from toiling the same fields he has yet to sow. His wisdom is in it’s nubile stages where your compassion may water those seeds no end.

Love is your guide, is love not your guide?

Laughter is your superpower , is laughter not your superpower?

Fun is the cosmos, is it not Fun?

Grief is real , so let it through -

Least it turns to anger and eats you whilst you are still living....
on   and on   and on

Be patient for you were once like him.
Be patient for you are not him, he is not you.

Life doesn't always work on the currency of hope.

Be patient for the same fields you have yet to sow
ones you don't even know,
already bloom and fruit, seed and disperse
over on his land called a body.

You are a branched, crooked tree,
and this is the way we exist,
when we are ourselves.

Unknowable until the moment,
powerful beyond our dreaming,

bring yourself back in,
to the land that is your eyeballs and knees,

soft
and slow
and gentle.