You showed up with a teddybear, Reeses, and a strawberry candle
Left without your hoodie and cologne
And this is only the beginning of my little collection of you

(a story in Senryus)

Dew gently pools on
the rich green Bermuda blades
of suburban lawns.

Walking across grass
soaks your shoes like a splashing
child in a puddle.

Your passage diagrammed,
by wet, green tracks that trace your
path like ****** snow.

Proof you were here, real,
a charming gift watched through chaste
glass - that made me cry.

If love is what saves a life
I will love you ever so passionately
hug your bones so tight
It squeezes the hell out of you
the hell you're suffering from
madness, loneliness, sub-existence,
feelings of worthlessness, feelings of lovelessness
I will tell you how much I love you
To make sure you know you are loved
Envelope your mind in light
Set life into the course of your veins
flowing through you
Fill you with gifts of joy and peace,
clothe you in goodness and mercy
when you fall, I will use all the strength in these arms to lift you up
my shoulders to prop your head while you rest and weep,
my ears to pay attention to the echo of your heart beat through your words and expressions
my eyes to look after you and out for you, to watch over you, to adore and admire you
I will spend my time with you
be present, be there for you
just to see you smile
just to see you live
just to see you grow
just to see you alive and beautiful
If love is what saves a life, no,
if love is what gives life
then let me fight
for your right
to live.

Hanging from hooks on display,
Are chains with special charms on the ends.
Some are preserved nature,
Like the tiny mushroom surrounded by grass,
Or the dead butterfly with no legs,
And the resin heart of a purple flower.

Some are crystals,
Like the tiger’s eye pendant,
The beads of blue goldstone,
Or the pendulum of smoky quartz,
And the agate that looks like a purse.

Some are special and connected to memories,
Like the golden locket from a date,
Or the silver snowflake from an aunt,
The green Buddha,
And the gold Buddha both from my grandmother.

Lost in the universe,
like  a passenger,
A stranger in my own mind,
feeling alone abandoned, in despair and it feels difficult to repair.

I feel broken and find myself hiding a million feelings behind a simple smile
I feel lonely not being enough,
sometimes ugly sometimes not loved it hurts inside,
feels like hell that I can't escape from no matter how hard I try,
It keeps coming back,
I push them down and hide them inside me like a cacoon hoping they won't hatch one day.

Nobody should feel this kind of pain,
I push my demons away,
friends won't help, family too
Feels like two people staying in one body.

I feel lost in the universe, and it seems amongst other stars my shine feels pathetic, insignificant,
but I want better,
I deserve better,
my terror to thrills,
my anger to excitement,
my dead dreams to come alive again.

I know these feelings can be manageable,
but I don't want to have to,
Because I know some day they'll become intolerable,
I know I'll find myself soon,
I know I'll end this coldness,
I have to, before it leaves me soulless.

You deserve the world, whether you're a star among billions of stars, you deserve you own light and when you find your light,
I know you'll shine brightest.

Find your light.

He doesn't need
To lie on his death bed
To celebrate
The simple gifts of life.

No matter what form
Or what size,
He celebrates.

Bystanders watch,
Jealous of his joy
Not knowing his secret
Open to all.

The grass is greener
On the side of who
Celebrates more than what
The other chooses to.

Please.
Could u find it in your heart
To give me back all those vulnerable moments?
Because I feel so stupid now
I feel stupid for going against every fiber of my being and exposing myself
For daring to say those things that come from a place so deep in my heart that it terrifies me.
Knowing that when they rise to the surface
When they escape the warmth of my chest and meet the warmth of the sun they become real
They become present
And tangible
And I need you to give them back because I regret it now
Because I dared to trust and you did exactly what I expected
Because I spent my life building walls and was so well protected
But I leapt
I dared to love fully and relentlessly
And I was all in so I put it in ink.
I put it in air
I put it in touch
I cemented it in time and space.
And I regret it.
I don't regret the relentless love but I regret letting it see the surface
I regret letting you see all those lisa Frank feelings.
So colorful and magical and childlike
And I'm embarrassed.
Cause in the end you didnt deserve it
But now it's yours
And for the rest of your life you have the privilege of those memories that were birthed from a trust you betrayed
You'll get to look back and see how much I loved you
How hard I loved you
And I'll always see how it was too much
I'll always be mad that I went all in
Yet it wasn't enough for you to go all in for me
Staggering inequity
Now how will I dare to trust again?
How will I not temper the reckless abandon that makes it so exciting?
Love Is easy,
But taking that love. Those words. Those memories
and giving it matter
Depth
Sound
Touch
Color
That's a gift. It's the purest art.
So please just give them back so I can protect it better next time.
I think
Next time I'll just keep love in my heart.