there seems to be
a recurring theme in my life
i never appreciate anything
until its gone
slip right through my fingers
then years later
i say to myself
what the fuck
why did i let that go
why didn't i realize sooner
have already flown far down the stream
into vast oceans
after i let them go
if you think about it
it would be quite silly for someone
who's already covered a great distance on their own
to swim back to save me
i know i don't deserve it
but just know
i appreciate every one of you
that i've lost touch with
for you've taught me
every beautiful thing
that enters my life
i know i'll submerge
into these ocean waters eventually
when my legs give out
but as i descend
into the water
ill be thinking of
all of the love
each and every one of you has
all of the concerts
each and every one of you
has played for me
all of the songs
each and every one of you
has shown to me
you've helped me come to
The funny thing about meeting people
Is that we never know what significance that they may have in our life
That stranger you just made eye contact with?
They may be the person that you didn't know you needed.
Just give it time, soon enough you'll talk, you'll become friends
And friends may sometimes become more than you ever anticipated.
That stranger? It'll come to a point where you won't be able to see your life without them.
It's an interesting thought-
Of how situations- affect relationships
How different a person I am-
I see him and her-
That their friendship
Is founded in trust.
I see he and she-
That their friendship
Is founded in time.
So understand- when I see you and I-
Our contrasting perspectives
And why I worry that-
Why I fear that- our relationship
Is founded in love
We're lights in the middle of the night
luminescent but not all that bright
yet still guiding each other home
A grip in the middle of the cold
strolling tight side by side
won't admit we're lost in the city
Skipping through skid row
I let you take me home
Past Whittier boulevard
towards the old houses
and past my favorite park
where we ran screaming from
the city's heartbeats pounding through the dark
We were the best of friends loving and caring for each other since day 1
We used to have so much fun
But then he came along
And you left me
You don’t know about the power that you have on my emotions.
You walk away with him,
Leaving me confused while you go along careless and carefree not thinking about the consequences that it will have on me
I walk to where we always hung out
Talking about something that didn’t even make sense but made us laugh hysterically
You choose him over me even though you’ve known him for a few days
you’ve known me for a few years
but that doesn’t seem to matter to you
I feel as if when you walked away with him you went past a garbage can and threw away all we had, all we had made,
For him, a stranger in OUR world
OUR world, oh the good old days
Now OUR world consists mostly of me trying to put on the mask of happiness that I once had when we were together
But now all my real feelings are in that trash can you walked past with him
You barely know him but are making out with him and you don’t even have the time to say goodbye
because apparently you have plans with him
I don’t want to hurt you
I am happy for you
But this, this is not ok
Not because of life but because of him
He does bad things that I know you would try because you fall so easily
You fall and im trying to move the obstacles that are making your journey hard
I tried to move this one but you,
You wanted it to stay, you were ok
Ok with it
I don’t really think you thought about it
but I warned you
So this time when you fall im not going to be there,
I will want to be there for you but
Im not going to,
im going to let you move this obstacle by yourself
I love you
I am on the island of misfit toys,
I am the island of misfit toys.
I've populated myself with broken
I will give homes to the misfits,
im suddenly awake and it's 2 am
thanks to the dream that i was hanging off the edge of my old high school
all of my friends were standing over me, laughing
silly me for thinking i had someone in this world who cared
they mocked and gawked at me
as my shell dangled off the top floor
i felt my brittle fingers try to hold on
and i watched as my best friend pealed them off one by one
sending me into a plunge to the concrete where i had tied my shoes and waved goodbye a thousand times
why is there no one there to catch me?
im shaking and sweating
im awake and alive
but my mind has gone "splat!" against the grainy concrete
im unsure if it was just a dream
I'll never understand you..
How can you look at me that way..
How can you be so mad?
I tried to tell you..
I tried to explain...
You say you understand..
But then you push me away..
Giving me the cold shoulder...
I know you're frusterated..
But like moth to a flame..
You always come..
Back to me..
Your touch is so gentle..
Your heart is so real...
You'd never purposely hurt me...
I know what you feel is real.
But I tried to tell you..
Im fucked up..
I'm black and blue...
I told you..
Love does not live here..
That bitch don't even visit..
I looked up into your eyes..
Bared my soul..
And told you..
I love you too..
I had to go..
I had to spread my...
I know you promised me forever..
And I know you love me still...
The only thing I ask...
Is let me find me again..
I'm sorry it's selfish..
But for once in my life...
I have to be...
Ive let you in my world..
You saw first hand that it was...
all red and orange engulfed
I tried to tell you...
There's nothing left in me...
but ash and a heart thats been burned...
Way too many fucking times...
So I love you...
Be with me..
But let me go...
Even if only temporary...
I asked you for an explanation,
All you gave me was lies.
What has gotten into you?
I used to know you really well,
Where did all the fun go?
Those weekends spent causing trouble,
So all those years as friends weren't real.
I missed you when you left,
I thought you'd never return.
But when you did you left me with nothing,
I worry about you,
I doubt you do the same.
Do I mean nothing to you?
Because that's how I feel.
I hope you disappear...because I already have.