While passing by a great Gothic church,
I see sullen skies begin to glower:
a looming wicked curse
above the church corona’s tower.

With bruised blue clouds brewing black
in the bellowing wide heavens,
hearts pounding, all shrink slowly back:
Blazing bolts scream and threaten.

Here comes the gale force shrieking wraith!
Take shelter from the storm
in the stout fortresses of your faiths
built with those who keep you warm.

For though some tempests last
over rocky spans of fears,
all the maelstrom’s wrath must pass,
even if it lasts for years.

In these sturdy stones you’ve laid,
rebuild for the coming of new days.

Over the holidays, I was watching Lisa’s sister little Leeza, she’s 14.
She has a rebellious fashion sense and a joyful innocence.
She’s still fearless too, and on-God, I hope she never loses that.

Too soon though—the disco’s coming to town—the world’s coming for her. It’s the same for all of us, I suppose, but in Lisa and my cases, covid shut it all down.

It’s a rite of passage—the shoes, the bodycon dresses and the makeup. Those carry negative connotations, I get it, but there’s an excitement too, about finally getting to dress like an adult—a woman—in one of those bodycon, cut-out dresses.

I know the pressures on women and their bodies, but at her age, it's not all stress, cattiness and comparisons—it’s just innocent teen fun. She and her posse can take hours just dressing and doing their make-up—together. It’s probably the best part of their night.

Leeza’s dad (Michael) saw the little group of teens, all dolled-up and launched, like a SpaceX Starship. Pacing the living room, he quietly opined to Karen (her mom), “I don’t want her going out dressed like that.”

Karen was right there with him to cool things down, “No, ***, at her age, it’s about self-expression, learning and girl bonding—these connections are really important in the girl-world.”

I’m not worried about Leeza’s physical safety. These girls are watched over and gently curated. Their every movement is orchestrated and security escorted—hell, Hamas couldn’t get to them—much less some gropey boy.

There’s just this new awareness these days of how unhappy some people are—and a lot of them are teen girls. I wouldn’t want to see Leeza mired in the sad, brain-draining social media pressure and self-esteem traps.
Teenhood is scary—I was feelin’ positively parental.

Then I looked at Lisa, and I was reminded that they’ve done all this before, and she has a big-sister, role-model too.
.
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Songs for this:
Good Time Girl (feat. Charlie Barker) by Sofi Tukker
Dance To This (feat. Ariana Grande) by Troye Sivan

i watch sitcoms so much
because it makes me feel like
i actually have friends

You would think I’d learn my lesson on how I make you feel..
You would think I’d give you the space you need
You would  think id take this real.
You would think I’d hear you the first time
When you said I would never be replaced.
But as it appears right now
I think I am such a disgrace.
You would think I’d think more about how what I say makes you feel.
Obviously, I’m not very smart.
I don't seem to pick up on hints; it's not one of my strengths.
But it seems I am now someone you might soon forget.
I can’t believe I’ve made you back away from me
I feel the space between us is too hard to bare
I feel like im losing my best friend
And it’s all my fault, but its not fair.
I apologize for all my aggravating  obsessive charades.
I truly always wish you the best in everything you do.
I never wish you any harm
How could I stand to see my best friend be so numb.
The thought of you alone really makes me sick
I wish I wasn’t such a nuisance, and you would let me back in
Please don’t block me out. Please let me be your friend.
I promise to be there for you, as I said before.
I pray to God above for what is troubling you,
whether it’s me or something else.
I pray for the smothering feeling to be soon released.
Please don’t close the door on us;
I promise I'll let you breathe. I just need you to answer and tell me to stop.
I need you to set some boundaries for me not to cross.
I'm comfortable with you. That's why I talk so much.
But I hate feeling like im nagging and hanging on you like your my crutch
Please don’t give up on me.

Attachment tear you from inside,
Leaves your heart nowhere to hide.
Introverted, deeply twisted within,
Lonely yet fine, a world kept thin.

Used by people, trusted in vain,
Sadness flows, but not like pain.
Loneliness, a silent, constant friend,
Attachment breaks what time won’t mend.

It cuts you deep, it takes so long,
To heal, to move, to feel strong.
One person can turn your world to gray,
Their absence, a shadow that won’t stray.

You think of them, though they don’t care,
Their indifference more than you can bear.
Trying and trying, you seek to let go,
Yet thoughts of them forever flow.

Why obsess when the future’s bleak?
Their apathy shows the truth you seek.
I wish to be cold, unfeeling, free,
Yet attachment keeps imprisoning me.

Yet in this pain, a truth I find,
To love myself, to clear my mind.
Attachment tears you from inside,
But healing mends what’s pushed aside.

we're all just hanging on
Ahalya could go any day
Rowan's already tried
so have i
but every thread
is different
and sometimes our threads get
tangled
if Alice goes,
what happens to Kayleena?
if Lex goes,
what happens to Grey?
if they go
can my thread break too?

why?
if i fall
then Rowan falls
then Ahalya falls
then Hunter falls
then Alice falls
then Grey falls
then Lex falls
then Kat falls
then Sam falls
then Ebby falls
but what if they fall first?