I hate myself
It's not a surprise
Most teens are
Insecure
Depressed
Filled with anxiety
Ready to jump.

I remember being 8
I've always thought that one day I would just get smaller
But I got bigger
And my circle of bullies got bigger
And my friends smaller
My sobs louder
And my laughs nonexistent

Here comes middle school
And the kids are even crueler
I wished and prayed that this fat would just go away
And I could have friends again
I lost more
And I gained some again
I got bullied for everything
And I hung my head in shame
I didn't speak
I wished that they couldn't see me
That I was invisible
Out of sight
Free

Third but not last
High school
My not so old friend
I sliced my skin more than once
Cried a lot
Discovered pieces of myself
And lost some pieces too
Loved some
But hated most
Wished that it would be better
But it was all a lie
I didn't go to prom
I barely graduated
I was glad when I left
That I would never have to come back

I learned what my mental illnesses are
And the voices in my head aren't real
But I can't stop them from saying these terrible things
I'm stuck in my own mind
How does that even happen?
Well it did
And now I can't tell the difference between me and trash
Because we're so alike
Nobody wants us but ourselves.

Not like we'd let anyone in anyways
We're too broken to love someone else
Too ashamed to tell our secrets and how much we've failed
Too scared of letting go
Of the things that make me us safe.
We're fried in the head
Loopy
Too much to manage.
Crazy
But they don't know how crazy in the head we really are.

My name is Young Slug
and I write hip hop songs.
The lyrics sound as clear
as a lady slurping dongs.

Martin Luther King once told me
that my mother was a ****.
So I whipped out a baseball bat,
and ****** him in the ****.

I think he liked it too much,
cause he was moaning "colonel sanders,
stick it in my ***... and make me dry like the flanders."

My daughter fell in love with a potato,
                        "A potato.......
My mind was confused and my face was a picture...
of why would someone ever love a potato?

I asked this myself in my head then out loud.
     My darling how have you a fondness for a potato?

He is the only one for me he is so soft and never
has a chip on his shoulder..

A chip? really, how did you meet my little lady.
He was just mulling around in a mash pit,
The music was the spud rock and he was my root.

I will have to meet you new boyfriend,
Dad, I love Barry, he even let me  wear his jacket
it was so fluffy inside...

Fathers out there would have the same look on
their face as I do now!!!!!
"OK,  as I was waiting impatiently to see this lad.

She walked in hand in hand, I just gave the daddy
look, hi Barry he stared in a starch looking gaze.
my daughter spoke "I'll just get my bag,

I spoke in my sternest voice,
"Barry if you don't treat my daughter right,
"Lets just say ill mash you up, understand....

And then they left not the gentlemen of before
no jacket to lend her, just walking out the door
like he had just been roasted by my words...

Hours had past worry in my thoughts then my
daughter came back, tears in her eyes.
"What ever was the matter my darling?

"He had steamed off because I wanted to know
why he never leant me his jacket,

"He said I was being a dumpling with him,

"So I told him you were right and that he had
a chip on his shoulder, he replied I was fried,

I told her that potato's can be a little mashed, and
a chip they will always have, because you cant change
a potato they will always have a little starch inside...

Here I sit.
I don't believe I'm sitting. I don't believe in anything.
I can think I'm sitting. As long as I maintain that I could be wrong.

I don't believe in love. Even if I wanted to.
I can tell how I feel when you're around. And how I feel when you're not.

I don't believe in life. Or death. How could I ever rationalize a belief in something I don't understand?

I think. About fireflies, world *******, scotch, and jokes.
The jokes are to make you laugh. It's my favorite song.

I don't believe in anything. I envy those that do.
I'm just a lonely nihilist who wants to believe in you.

My edges got snatched
And they never came back
While I was getting those tracks
They got detached

There's this empty space
At the side of my face
I feel ashamed
They were even tamed

Sick of wearing headbands
Just to cover those strands
Hoping they'll return
I'm getting so concerned

Everyday I get fried
I want to hide
They say my hairline
Looks like frankenstein

I go home crying
I keep on trying
To grow them out
Without a doubt

Next thing you know
They start to grow
I then show them off
And they start to cough

He is a Fried Egg Jellyfish,
nonetheless he was ignorant
Always pushing things on me
He never considered feelings
Like the Phacellophora camtschatica
his sting is rather weak.
But that doesn't seem to explain
why it took me so long to see
that he was only after one thing.
-
She is a Pacific Sea Nettle
Glowing; always and forever.
I embrace her light even when
I'm feeling smothered.
She is amazing in many ways
But could become dangerous
in a matter of days.
Just like the Chrysaora fuscescens,
She is made of many colors.
Which is why I can't stop looking at her.
-
He is a Purple Striped Jelly
One of the most painful out of these
Oh sweet, Chrysaora colorata,
he truly stung me.
So beautiful inside and out
I should've looked but never touched
I just wanted to be his cancer crab,
but I never was one..
I was the ocean sunfish biting back.
-
He is a Golden Jellyfish
Beautifully mysterious as always
I want to dive straight into him
As I would the lake that the smack lives in.
Very similar to the lake
he is full of golden aspects
that I long to intake.
He hasn't stung me yet,
So why should I ponder mistakes?
He'll always be stuck inside of my head.

How do you get your mind off things?
Oh, read a book! That's it!
Let's read a sentence, a paragraph, a page.
Can you remember what you read?
Yes? Good!
No? Well welcome to my life.
Every sentence of every paragraph of every page
has brought back a memory or a wondering thought.
Memories and thoughts that clog my brain.
Remembering regrets. thinking of alternative solutions.
Reading over and over again the same words.
Not understanding anything it says.
going into deep thought,
changing emotion left and right.
Not even able to sound out a word
or remember its meaning.
trying to block them out!
I need to stop over thinking!
bringing the book inches from my face
because I can't even remember what a letter sounds like!

My mind is fried with deep thoughts

maybe I'll try reading again tomorrow...