Don't let Destiny know you're happy!

when I was asleep. my phone fell between the cushions of the couch.
little did I know it wasn't safe wedged in that pouch.

I had the skinny girl go under it to fetch it out....
only to soon learn my phone was broken and she wasn't able to get it out!

we ended up moving the couch to get it from the back,,,,
when it was in my hand the face was all broken and cracked.

now im sad cant even text anymore.....
im so depressed now.....
this week ***** for sure!

its time to change and get things going right.....
just wish youd be in my life when im better to sleep with at night...

Im going there *** ive lost it all.....
my car and job and no place to live so he is my pick up on my down fall...

Well my car is in the shop and i cant get to work.....
if he was really liking me hed let me take his car to work...
but he doesnt *** hes just a ****.

But at least i will get my *** clean.....
just hope its done before he gets all bossy and mean.

I’m tired of trying

There have been too many tears

All these nights that I’ve been crying

The burns on my arms

I’m terrible at hiding

But no one cares

So I don’t have to keep fighting

My parents don’t know

The pain I’m still going through

I’m “as happy as can be”

Who knew

There are cuts on my stomach

My hips

My legs

I don’t tell anyone

About this pain in my head

No one knows

About my long-term sedative

I’m getting better

Except for the fact

That I don’t want to live

I feel so ashamed

Because I’ve tried so hard

To fight for you

But it’s hard

And I’m still scarred

But I want you to be proud

Of this smile that’s been misplaced

Not of the make-up running down my face

Not of the blood that seeps through my skin

I’m “getting better”

Though I’m dying within

I’m ready to go

My thoughts always win

I’ve lost everything

Though I had nothing

To begin

With

My open eyes

Every night

I still cry

In the bathroom at school

My shoelace

******* high

Just a loop around my neck

Just a jump away

I’m ready to go

And my body will sway

Back and forth against the door

I just know you’ll be okay

Without me you’re safer

When I’m gone it’ll brighten your day

I’m sorry I made you go away

I’m sorry I made you feel that way

I hope my tears will brush the pain away

I’ll be gone soon

So say

“Hooray!”

I won’t bother you

Another day.

As if everything around me didn't depress me already,
He wanted me, and i wasn't willing, nor ready.

His face made my teeth grind with hate,
I should've took his life, but now it's too late.

He held me down and I couldn't breathe,
It didn't matter what i said, he wouldn't leave.

It wasn't until he got what he wanted that I got away,
That was long ago, but I dream of it to this day.

One of the worst experiences of my life,
And when it's brought up, I strife.

For that man to die wouldn't be a shame,
Yet, I never told anyone, haven't even mentioned his name.

No one would believe me, no matter how hard i try,
So, I fold my hands, and pray that he dies.
                            *
I'm already insane. Yes, indeed I am mad,
So, perhaps another visit from him wouldn't be so bad.

I could show him my knife,
and cut off what ruined my life!

Ur my heart and I can't let u go-
I don't even know how even if I wanted to!!
I constantly think about u and the time we shared
It's hard to forget u when my life has forever been impaired!

I wish we could be friends from afar....
It's not how I want it but at least  u haven't gone too far!

I'd give anythg just to talk to u a few times a week!!
That would be the best thing and I'd be so happy I'd totally freak!

But u hate me and it's over and done...
I don't want to marry u but in my heart ur number 1!!!!!

I wish you would have been mean
*** then those ties would be easy to cut clean...

I miss laughing with you....
I miss you pushing my hair behind my ear like you  used to do....

I miss you talking to me....
explaining certain things on how they should be,....

I miss having *** with you....
you were game for anything ....
there were things i did that I never do.....

but most of all......

I miss spending the weekends or my days off together.....
I miss you now and i know it will too be forever!!!