Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Mimmi Jan 2021
No one saw my pain
Even when I had no idea how to smile
I was literally dying inside
And at the closest call of ending it

No one saw my pain
I was sort of always in the backround
It sounds like a clyche but it was my reality

Everybody saw a door as a door
I saw a gate with steel bars and no password to get inside
They saw new people as an opportunite
I saw them as kings and queens, as higher royalty than me
I could never reach their level of "hey be my friend"
Why were they so scary
Why was I so afraid
I have no answer
It was just constant hell and me seeking for help without asking

I am not a happy pearl
I am not a bursting sea
I don't know when to turn back and wave for help
I always felt so trapped, there was just no place for me
Of all the steps I took, there was no shoes to be filling the path I made in the snow
Not a single one followed me, for my secrets are meant to be kept?

If they had just looked a little closer, way past the camera lense
They would have seen my scar, and my bleeding hand
They were always so happy and cheerful as they could be,
As I was laying on the ground thinking about what could be

How are they so carefree, when I plan every step and move I make
To not be in the way, but also be seen
I tried so hard playing that part, but with no confidence

They were all so cheerful
I just didn't understand
How can I be in the same room
But not understanding what is there

I just kept hiding those flaws they never saw
I didn't dare to eat the dinner that we cooked
I stayed far away and went around as a busboy the whole day

I think I could have been more
Maybe just a little more off the side
Not right in the middle but like a quarter of enough

I kept it a secret as long as I could
But I had to give an answer and to the emergency we went
I was hiding
I was venting
I was in pain
I am in pain
Will I always feel this pain inside
This was years ago,  you would think memories would go
But not mine no, they stay hidden until they pop up and i'm right back there again.
This is a poem like story telling of a trip I did with my choir some years ago. My mental state was B A D but what was more frustrating was the people who was there, who were supposed to be my friends knew nothing, they saw nothing and so alone I was and felt.
just a bit like waves,
it comes and goes and never stay;
over the raging sea,
submerged betwixt the depths of me.

a flashback hits abruptly,
a deserted memory,
caresses like a touch, weakly,
can be delineated only just by me.

either conveniently registered,
or an untimely occurrence;
bears an optimistic euphoria,
or a somber ache.

like an old pal,
that was left astray;
a memory is only lived once,
but never forgotten.

like a ghost, in a glimpse,
it vanishes away;
a devoid mind is a devil's play,
a new seed outgrows and takes its place.
define memories? can you?
Flashes of memories

Blood Red, Death Grey, and Fear Yellow

Waking hours turn to Replays

An unwanted Movie Show

On the screen of my life

Destruction, Assault, and Reckless Harm

A house of cards that fell apart

As I stumbled to fight back the Replays

This process has to end

One day I shall become stronger

I shall whipe these reels clean

They will cease to play.
Mariah Button Jul 2020
Sometimes,
When I look at him,
I remember that grin.
The one from all my nightmares.
Some days,
When I feel any touch,
I remember your entitled hands,
Reaching for what isn't yours.
Some nights,
My breath gets quiet,
It reminds me of you,
Too close I could hear your breathing,
Too calm to care if I struggled.
Some days,
The birds are chirping loud,
I remember the woods behind your house
I remember the walks,
I remember the hands on my tiny waist
The whistling of the wind as I pulled away,
And your insistent tongue telling me I had no choice.
Wither Bloodfall May 2020
Quaking nightmares
the moment I blink
unable to talk
unable to think
don't believe it
it's what you said
it's all over
it's just in your head.
When people have flashbacks, they feel like waking nightmares, it's as if you're reliving a traumatic event. If you know anyone with Flashbacks, please be kind towards them, at any given moment they can have one.
Empire May 2020
I remember this
I remember the pain of sleeping on an empty stomach
The constant fear I was about to die
Eating only what I absolutely had to
And even then, I was so weak...
I remember weakness...
Missing a step and falling
Dizziness... all the time
I was really sick...

But I’m not there now.
This is different.
I’m hungry because I simply forgot to eat
The weakness will pass
It’s not happening again
I’m okay. I’m okay.
Sorin L Javerin Apr 2020
Wind howling in my ears,
Sand slicing, biting, through my skin,
The faces plaguing my dreams of fear.
Their mouths all in a maniacal grin.

Pain flashing; arm burning;
Tumbling through the air.
An arm falling in my lap,
It's not mine but his.

My friend.
My driver.
The back I promised to watch.
The family man I know him to be.

No dont look at me that way!
Stop... please...
It's not my fault I survived.
It's not my fault you died.

No dont leave... please...
You're all I have left,
You're my last memory of him.
Stay... please...

The cracking of barrels,
Whizzing of bullets,
I'm sorry I have to go.
My other brothers need me.

You're eyes are already dead,
You're blood has run cold.
But they aren't gone yet,
Their blood is still warm.

A shot runs through my shoulder,
Strange voices coming from everywhere,
One saying to get back,
Another saying it's happening again...

What's happening?
What do you mean again?
Head hurting, splitting, painful.
Everything around me is fading...

No dont leave... please...
This is all I have left of them...
My friends who fell,
My brothers by creed not blood.

White lights, white clothe.
Strange voices speaking strange words.
A man in blue and white,
Red spatters of blood on his shirt.

It makes sense,
For now I see,
I was rescued.
One out of four.

I'm alive...
I survived...
It should've been them.
Why couldn't it have been them.
This is for my brothers that I served with, that I fought with. Who never made it back home to their families.
pearl Mar 2020
you were so careful not to leave bruises              
you knew exactly what you were doing                            
so careful not to leave a mark but so insistent
on handling me roughly and reducing me to nothing          
you called me such horrible things that day            
“****,” you said                            
“*****,” you said          
despite the fact that you forced            
your grimy hands on me                                
you FORCED me to do EVERYTHING
*******                  
I HATE YOU
i hope you burn in hell. *******
hj Feb 2020
It’s a sin
It’s a fault
I kind of want to scream
I’m sorry
To the whole world
You’re destroying me
By building me up
Getting me down
By helping me reach the top
Oh stop
But don’t stop
Let’s stay away
But not give us up
Let’s have hope
But let’s give up
Let us laugh
Let us sob
I’m down the hill
But at the mountain top
I’m going crazy
But my sanity doesn’t drop
I’m alive
But my soul gave up
I found this poem I wrote back in 2018
amy Jan 2020
it's back
i thought they were gone for good
this is tearing me apart

when i drive
when i have a moment of peace

i'm tormented by the flashback

mind switches to a vision
a vision of your face

mind switches to feeling
feeling what i felt before

and in seconds, my eyes,
fill to the brim
with tears
of pain
&
hurt
Next page