his hands
are firmly wedged
inside pockets
unwilling to risk
exposure to this
frost-coated morning
if he tripped
or slipped
stumbled
fell
even then
he would not rely
on their numbed support
he could not trust
that they would do
what was necessary
if called upon
deep in the sherpa-lined
abyss of his coat
his fingers remain
protected in gloves
clenched and wriggling
with all hopes resting
on a return
   of warmth
   of bloodflow
   of feeling
before he gets home
before central heating
   and chill-blains
turn his frozen tips
into scalding rods
when there is
no use but
to desperately
and ironically wish
that he could not
feel anything
at all

What do I feel?
The feeling consumed me.
Is it a feeling?
hate?
or
love?
and
care?
What do I feel?

Sometimes-
I feel too much.

Sometimes-
I feel nothing at all.

I’m on this ship,
A ship for one,
Out at sea,
It’s beautiful yet nerve wracking,
I search and I see where I’m going to be
Optimism is key,
“No. Bad. Thoughts.”
I tell myself, almost constantly,
But it’s just out of my reach...

This anchor is attached to my heart
There it lived.
Then, ripped from my chest,
Leaving my body, weak, pained, dragged,
Into the dark gradient ocean
It lowers, as I twist, wind, and fight,
above sea.

Though, I find myself tired,
At times.
It wins.
It keeps me still.
Can I stay here?
It’s nice in theory...

Sometimes I’m triumphant.
Sometimes I win.
I am above the darkness,
There’s the veil,
I am no longer down there,
I see and hear signs of
Happiness.

So
Close.
Up, I must bring my heart.
Sew up my chest,
Wipe my tears,
More than once,
This cycle is done.
Look ahead,
Go. Forward.
And don’t look back.
But never forget.

you turned my winters to summers
showed me new worlds
saw my loneliness, my dead flowers
and still loved me
although
people will say that you tricked me
but you gave me your kingdom, your world, your throne
you make me felt like your queen
and in return you didn't ask for anything
despite
you are not the god of the underworld
yet i'm not the goddess of spring
but for you i'd leave everything behind
i'd eat those seeds without hesitation
because on earth i'm a mess only with you i'm alive

When you were a child you liked to play
That is Godly

Remember when they told you to go play?
You didn't always want to play

You wouldn't stop carrying on and wallowing around
When they whipped you or sent you to your room

You played
God returns

Proof?
It sure wasn't the devil guiding you.
They were busy telling you what to do, and whipping you for not playing

Boom