"you'll understand
when you're older."

I was told that
over and over.

when I asked about
anything bad or scary
or even something that
they simply didn't
want to explain to me,

that was the response.



what's global warming?

is grandma dying?

will my parents ever
get back together?

what is suicide?
why would someone
ever want to do that?

why do I have to
look away from
this scene on TV?

can boys kiss boys?
can girls kiss girls?

what is ***?

drugs are bad, so
why does my mom
use them every night?

where is my big brother?
when is he coming home?

"you'll understand
when you're older."



I'm older now

and still, there
is so much that
I can't understand.



a black man gets
shot in front of his
children and family.

the person behind
the trigger is human.

how could a human
take the life of another
human with no regrets?



my brother was killed
on impact when his
car flew off the road.

my other brother
smiled through his tears
and thanked god that
he didn't have to suffer.
he thanked god for our
brother dying instantly.

what kind of god
takes the life of someone
so young and so bright?
why should we pray
to a god like that?



the last time I saw her,
my mother was just
a walking corpse.

she had bruises and welts
and emotionless, dull eyes
and a rib cage viewable
from outside of her body.

why did my mother
turn herself into this?
when will she die?
is it wrong for me
to hope that comes soon?



they told me,

"you'll understand
when you're older."

but all I understand
is that there are things
that were kept hidden
from my young ears.

I still don't understand
why these things happen
or who to blame for them
or if people are good or bad.



"you'll understand
when you're older."

I'm older now.
I don't understand.

I'm from a broken family,
Mama was always there,
Daddy went missing since beginning,
It broke something inside me,
Ain't been the same since,
As I grew up it made me stronger,
For the longest I was cold,
When I let it go I seen something different in me,
Life hasn't been easy,
Being where I'm from made me hungry,
I ain't ever been greedy,
Didn't have to beg mama to fed me,
Mama fed us with all she had,
Didn't ever want for nothing,
Didn't ever have to question my mama's love,
We all knew she loves us,
Her love surrounded us always,
What's real doesn't have to be said.

A brilliant cold
pinching cheeks
like zealous relatives.

As long as you have warmth
to return to
it delivers similar bliss.

I bathe in my sins
I tried to become anew
Instead I came back up
Tears flowing
Tears drying
Just laying here
Fighting battles
Removing swords
Trying to become whole
Once again

“If you are mean with me, I’ll be meaner with you”
When you do something “wrong” or the evilest thing towards someone, they take revenge of that
Instead of take advantage of that situation and person and trying to be better than those, than them.
They need, they have the desire to be more devilish.

It’s pathetic. Mediocre.

People seem to be angels, the purest souls. Even the ones who are good human beings.
But we all have a demon burning inside of us, yelling to escape, to be free.
But that chaos which people have is major.
They sell you an angelical aura, the best moral, and the darkness inside of them is unexpected.
Even the one who can be “an angel” is and could be the malevolent ******.