Her voice like a song
Running its fingertips through my hair
Ivory chords and wind blowing
Orange-coloured like that of dawn
Soft like a laugh and syrup

Her music isn’t just noises, and all along
It twists and dances like spells in the air
Emerald notes and feeling flowing
Blue-coloured like the sand and sea’s bond
Sweet like love as you try to keep up

She swings bright and long
Skipping in the sky with me, kind and fair
Quartz singing and so much heart showing
Violet-coloured like the rest of them, gone
Short like time we have, siphoned from our cup

But I’m a cacophony compared to her song
It’s all just noises and all along
I cry when I fall, harsh and long
I’m a cacophony when compared to her song

But I can’t hear the music playing in my hair
It’s angled and tripping over all of the air
I see what she sees, but it’s mean and not fair
I can’t hear the music that plays in my hair

But I fail and it’s dusk when she is the dawn
It’s low tide and the water breaks its bond
I run and I scream and my sound is gone
I fail and it’s dusk when she’d rather be dawn

But I prefer plain and not sticky sweet syrup
It’s hard to try but I must and I cannot give up
I wish for a drink, but from my still empty cup
I am quite plain and not sticky sweet syrup.

While I was trying to find
where love could be
Love had come
           A thousand times
and I failed to see

I failed
                       I failed
                                              I failed.
I tried so hard and yet I failed.
I did everything I was supposed to, and yet I failed.

Now, it didn't matter much.
I honestly don't really care.
But it opens a gateway for all the thoughts
that I continuously fail to lock up.
                                                             ­                                      The thoughts.
                                                       ­                                            The thoughts.
                                                       ­                             Those awful thoughts.
Suddenly I'm crashed into by waves of feeling everything
and then when it subdues, nothing.

EVERYTHING
nothing
EVERYTHING
nothing
EVERYTHING
                                                     ­                                                               I am
nothing.

Those thoughts feed off my self-doubt and disappointment,
like a parasite.
I can't get them out.
I can't get them out.
                                                            ­                           God, they're so loud.
                                                           ­                                                      STOP
                                                            ­                                                     STOP
                                                            ­                                                     STOP
                                                            ­                                                     STOP
Shut up.
Just shut up.
                      Just stop thinking
                                       Just shut your mind up
                                                              ­                                                   STOP
                                                            ­                                                     STOP
                                                            ­                                                     STOP
                                                            ­                                                     STOP

Don't cry,
no don't cry.
If you cry, they'll know,
                                          and then,
                                                           ­                          "Why are you crying?
                                                         ­              You have no reason to be sad.
                                                            ­           or
                                                              ­            anxious
                                             ­                          or
                                                              ­            depressed
                                           ­                            or
                                                              ­            possibly even
                                                            ­                                     ******* insane.
No, no reason.
No reason whatsoever.

                                                    ­                                                    So shut up,
                                                                                                           don't cry.
                                                            ­                                  Your life is great.
                                                          ­                         You have great friends,
(Do I?)
                                                             ­                     You have great parents,
(Do I?)
                                                             ­                                     You're healthy,
(Am I?)
                                                             ­                                         You're alive,
(Am I?)
                                                             ­                                    Nobody died."
(Had I?)
(I'm dead.)
I'm
dying
dying
dying
Oh god, **** me please
Please I can't do
it on my
own
please
please
please.

It hurts so much,
these waves of everything
and nothing
over and over
and over and over
and over ---
and nothing works.
My brain doesn't work.
Make it stop.
                      Make it stop.
                                                                ­                                      Make it stop
                                                            ­                                          Stop
                  ­                                                                 ­                       Stop
                                     ­                                                                 ­       Stop
                                                            ­                                                    Stop
        ­                                                                 ­                                          Stop.

Please.

Miserable miserable
i was
I am
N
I would

The holding of tears
Eventually dropping like icebergs

Rocks rocks rocks
They sound like rocks
They feel like rocks
They hurt like rocks

How coldness n strength
Changed into warmth n weakness

I followed your light
Worshiped your bright
Through deep n pain
How can i stop the rain

I kept it inside
You threw it aside

We played hide and seek
But only i seek

They said for the sake of love
They said for the sake of redemption

I used to cross my battles
I used to sharpen my dagger  
Now I redeemed my soul
N covered my sword

Those were new
I barley knew

I thought i’m tough
But it was rough

Now we have no tears left
Will cry it blood
We won’t make it stop

This heart is rotten
Filled with brok’n
Kitting it string by string
Oh where did the melody of them go
Oh where did the red in them go

Kaput Scripted
The top boss carved the account up some more
He put in place an extra step so no duplicate accounts were made
This was fine in the managers’ eyes an extra layer of a layer
And it created work for a back office guy making those accounts
It was his job to do it not the call centre agents
If they made a new account they got beasted and fired
It was easy to create a new account yet full of risk
Send the details to your TL and then in the form
So back office has it and will make the account
The account will be made and sent to your TL
Who will reassign it to the rep that made the call
No double accounts no confusion yet more stress
Adding to the wait time while the rep does compliance
Completes a needs assessment vets the customer
Sends a promo approval to his TL who sends it
To the manager who sends it to the client
All the while the patient customer holds like a fool
When all this is done and the account is sent over
The closer calls the VT team who complete the sale
If the DM has funds on a working card all is fine
If any step fails the whole thing collapses
What a nice time for me to be endorsed
To a different version of my old healthcare account
No more sales on a failing B2B account

Stop Fate
The agents go to work
The OM sends them home
90 minutes before EOD
The account is in the red
I know you all understand
Check your messages later
Your TL will advise you
If there is work this week
The reps are quiet
It wasn’t meant to be so bad
Some have been reassigned
To different accounts
They count down the days
Others want to save the account
By getting many more sales
You cannot stop fate

Self-loathing,
Self-hatred,
Guilt,
Pain,
I'll never be a good enough partner,
I'm failing right out of the gate.

I let you down,
I see it in your eyes,
I breached that trust you had in me,
And didnt live up to my own ideals,
A moment of weakness,
A moment of idleness,
Looping in my brain,
**** this tormentable guilt!

You say I get stuck in my own thinking,
Like a bird that's fallen into tar,
But thinking back,
If my brain is the tar,
I need to clean it some dawn.

Please let this storm pass,
Let the thunder die down in my mind
Let the lightning strikes fade,
For all that's holy,
May you forgive my trespasses still,
Let me be the man you said I could be,
And fly free,
Above the ooze and filth.