i detest the notion that you must love yourself before you can have someone else love you, as ideal as that may be it’s easier said than done. there is nothing wrong falling in love with someone while learning to love yourself in the process. he taught me how to love myself, he showed me that i was beautiful and i was worthy of a love like his, i deserve to be happy. he taught me that i have a kind forgiving heart and i’m not quite as damaged as i believed, although i’m convinced he’s cured me. his love showed me that everything i deemed imperfect about my form was stunning and with every kiss he pressed to my body i believed him more and more. months have dripped by and falling for him was easy, it was like going home and along the way i found myself and she is beautiful and worthy. i have found god again and i have blossomed. i am whole and always have been.

I had never known beauty until I saw him, lying there ******* tangled in my sheets. his lips were slightly parted and his eyes closed in sleep. the morning light began to creep it's way into the quiet room and lightly touched his bare chest. his hair was was undone and unruly and he was beautiful. I think of this when I lie alone in my cold room thinking of where you lay now. I think of the soft hum that resonated in your chest as you slept and how it comforted me once. I think of the way I'd wake you up with a small peck on the lips and how you'd kiss me back, not even opening an eye. I think of the way your eyes were then, foggy in sleep yet the way they smiled down at me made me feel as though that me, in all of my bare vulnerability was something beautiful too.

It's strange how
there are pros in golf, medicine, and even body language,
but no one will admit that they are pros at
tracing the lines on their thighs from old scars
or knowing their hands’ feelings when they see an ex’s face
or dodging people’s inquiries about their wellbeing.
There are unrecognised experts
in all fields of sorrows and pains in our human experiences.
Shame that those most familiar with the least explored topics
tend to give up or give out
while those least familiar attempt to drown the veterans’ cries with
I know how you feel
You’re not alone
It’s okay
I understand
And we who know best
smile and nod, thinking forward to when we will be home alone
thinking backward to
all that was
all that is
and when it was simpler
and before this.

Soon I will get far

Beneath our footsteps on a long shore,
The sand is soft and promising
And there she is
A beautiful muse
Waiting for me like there's no fear
In the world
Looking forward for challenges