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***
Ignite within me the feeling of love –
a bulb warming up in its own radiance; I need that idea
behind me falling in love – peace of mind, yet we still
kiss behind the chaos of what we always had –
                                                a long time crush.

Don’t you dare crush my heart – swear to me, cross your
heart and hope not to die, or would you choose to double
cross me, transforming that sacred mark into a bitter X…

I suppose for me, this would be the third strike.

                                   ***
Kay P 3d
To throw away:

The hammer pants I wore
the day we met in person,
faded pattern and hole in knee
you said you would patch
for the memory

10 greeting cards signed by me
for Valentine's, birthday, anniversary.
21 post-it notes with "I ❤️ U"
once hidden around our bedroom
reminders from me, to you.

3 Greeting cards, scribbled by you
2 Given late, 1 on time
asking for *** on Valentine's

The set of knives and cutting block
to you for Christmas, rusted through
you soaked but never washed.
The owl mug, your first gift to me
that fell from my desk, handle broken
tossed instead of lost.

The practice leggings, now too loose,
stretched, and not your size
you "borrowed" and continued to wear
ignoring they were mine.

To wash, febreeze, rest and reset:

The jacket I bought for me,
that became yours when you arrived,
sans winter clothes,
donated, now. Surprise!

The mattress we bought together,
After I cried and begged for hours,
The box spring my then-bestie donated
to me, but you claimed was "ours"

The soft, memorable fabric, on which
I wanted no one else to sit,
my Poppy's Lay-Z-boy,
about which you threw a fit.

The car I gained when I kicked you out,
that I keep cleaner than you would.
My space, my heart, my dignity,
my house and personhood.
November 27, 2024
alanie Oct 17
the stars dance
behind her mask
holding her together
both helpless and unremarkably dull.

she did not ask for this,
but was made that way,
with sorrow unravelling,
complimenting her
like poets do the night sky.
Kahawa Tamu Sep 12
Is this the hardest thing I’ve ever done?
Watching us crumble,
The foundation we built
Now cracked,
Splintered,
Like my heart.

Heartbreak isn't new,
But not like this -
I’m shattered and wrecked.

You're my confidant,
My mpenzi,
My darling,
My handsome man,
My kindhearted super achiever,
Joyful, yet so melancholic
Emotional, yet so light-hearted
Strong and vulnerable,
Brave,
But also so afraid,
What are you so afraid of, darling?

I wanted to shield you from the hurt,
Seeing you break shattered me in ways I couldn’t express.
My tears never came,
Only the sharp, silent ache,
A dagger twisting deep within.

Why do we have to say goodbye?
You belong in my heart
And I in yours.

I don’t know what comes next,
But I wish we could turn back -
Undo this hurt.

Yet, I wonder: do you truly love me?
Or are you afraid to admit it,
Caught in a complicated web?

Still, I love you,
Beyond all doubt.
stillhuman Jun 18
Have you seen me there
walking the halls filled with blue skies
and star showers
through waves of passing moments
holding your hand in mine
mimicking your smile?

Have you seen me
in the future we will live in
rushing past you
toward places that don't exist yet
in our shared conscience?

Have you seen us
meeting by chance
at a bar late at night
asking for a lighter
then looking up
to see your own eyes reflected
while easy smiles stumble in shock
and recognition?

Do I still exist
somewhere in you?
Maybe I'll be waiting for an answer somewhere in me
Man Oct 2023
All of the little ways-
I don't even like to say your name.
Not because of some control or power,
But because of who you are.
And I wish I could say
I want this to last forever
But I miss you with no measure
And the emptiness I feel-
Dying would surly prove better.
All the little lies
Told to myself, that keep me together-
Can't hold on forever
Serena Jun 2023
Blue and white and orange and white
And songs and coffee and tears
Keep together my daily plight

I’d add you to my list of fears
But I don’t want to miss your laughs
And songs and coffee and tears

I’d split my soul into two neat halves
And hand me to you on a platter
But I don’t want to miss your laughs

I know that it would need to matter
If you were to open up one day
And hand you to me on a platter

I’ll model the place we’re in like clay
And slowly, slowly seep me out
If you were to open up one day

I’d take good notice of the route
Blue and white and orange and white
Would slowly, slowly seep us out
Keep together my daily plight
Lily Audra Oct 2022
I hate dreaming about her,
Her hands immediate and cold,
Peeling back my shirt,
I lay down with my arms over my face and say:
'you shouldn't be allowed,'
In the time between night and day,
The puddle blue sky towers over me,
Pokes me back into sleep,
Where she might be.
How dare she!
Kind and gentle, her voice lullabying me into ease,
My mouth rising with a smile at the edges only to remember and feel double crushed,
Pressed into the bed by her shoe,
And worse,
Sometimes reality plays out and I have to relive it,
Like having my arm broken twice to reset the bone,
Crunch crunch,
I feel violated because my brain is for me and she shouldn't be allowed into the soft parts without my permission.
I wake and start the day with the stone in my throat and swallow and swallow and it does go away.
alli brunell Sep 2022
Any time my heart wants to text you
my brain knows to put the phone down  
nothing good ever comes from a “hey…”
we talk twice a year
once on my birthday and once on yours
that should be enough
but there are days when it doesn’t feel like enough
my brain and my heart spit knives at each other
arguing over who is right
should we text him
should we wait until next year
my heart starts typing out “it’s been a while”
and I immediately turn my phone off
its been 7 years, he’s over it
no one keeps feelings that long
“except for me”
we’re adults now, maybe things would be diff—
“I can’t afford to think that way”
thoughts like those cause nothing but stress and a pain in my chest
we can wait 11 more months
and we will have this internal dialogue 11 more times
and I will always wonder what might happen
if I actually press send
“I guess we’ll never know”
regardless
I’ll see you April 2nd
Hello Daisies Jun 2022
From GTA
To oakwood
To living together
Us three
To gorillas with bananas
To 2019 no more virgins

I am hurting
I am lost
I have lost
So much
How can I go on

From cons
To Brian jokes
To surprise birthday cakes
And surprise birthday trips

Where do I get
My sanity back
My heart to not hurt
Release the memories
Into the ocean

I can't contain them
They are tearing me apart,
Ripping out my heart
Would hurt less

You seem fine
I gave you your new life
Guess I couldn't be in it
I still can't believe it

Best friends forever
Sisters like no others
Stronger then lovers
Gone and alone
Like whatever

I still remember
First meeting you
Playing that game
Thinking you're cool
I still remember
Introducing you
Sharing the memes
Thinking this is everything

I still remember the concerts
I still remember prom
I still remember getting in trouble together
Dying are hair
Without a care

I still remember best friends forever
I guess you forgot
What that meant
Prioritize anyone but us
And just forgot about us

You can move on
But I can't go on
I still remember it all
Hits me like a train
Or wrecking ball
I'm down for the count
I can't be doing this
Let me let go of the sadness

Best friends forever
Means nothing
If you can't remember
To love your friends
And be with us
It's so obvious
You're gone

And I am not too far along
But where I go I do not know
Feels like I'm already in hell

*** I also remember

Ditching me for her
Replacing me with another
Forgetting me for him
Not being there when she died
Always telling me a lie
And I'd forgive you
To not lose you
But it hurt
More and more
It hurts
How id beg
Basically on my knees
How pathetic I became
Yet again
For your attention

I still remember it all
And I'm starting to fall
Completely apart

Pls let the pain stop
Let the memories go
It's hurting me
I don't want to forget the good
But the bad is too much from you
You broke our hearts
And you didn't even fall apart

*****
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