Overbearing–
the past feels heavy on my heart;
burdened on the many regrets of life,
A heavy heart is of what weight you
choose to carry;

Carry your worth–but not carried away
in bright fame lights of successes,
Stuck for a moment; but we must soon
carry on...

Carry on, carry on, carry on;
carry that strength with a patient heart,
Carry on, carry on, carry on;
Soon will we make it to a peaceful end.

I caught myself dreaming of places I’ve
never been to and seen before,
Breaking, decaying, crying my eyes out till
they’ve flooded the floor.

I’ve been flying; without the wings of
any of the angels or the birds,
Living with strangers; so unfamiliar inside of
this very small world.
Repairing these many things that never broke;
putting back the many tiny pieces of my soul.

Wondering where next to go.

Screaming, “keep your long breaks”
you can’t break into my heart.
Ease your pace into falling in love;
and my love test your brakes.

But I’m smiling in the dark,
hope you see my bright smile;
I stole from a thousand stars.
I drew a constellation in the skies;  
just to remind us who we truly are.

People!

Or have you forgotten, four gots; still
you’re counting them all,
Why are you so afraid to open up,
instead of letting people peep through the door?

Complaining about a little, but you could never
afford, or handle any more!
Waiting at corner shops; when there’s so much
in store.

Myself is the longest fight,
the battle never ends while you’re still alive.
But wouldn’t it put the enemy off, if you came
to the battle with a smile?

I can’t say it wouldn’t work, but it’s worth a-

Try!

Dandelion girl
they think
you are easy to throw off balance
without realizing
their useless words
create the wind
necessary for you
to bloom again

-em vidar

Life didn't go as planned
Though you thought it all in hand
Even though your plans fell through
There's nothing wrong with you

It's not because of the way you look
Nor because of the abuse you took
You might have a different point of view
But there's nothing wrong with you

It's not because your voice is strange
You certainly don't need to change
Everything is my favorite part about you
So you know there's nothing wrong with you

No matter how much life knocks you down
Get back up and keep reaching for that crown
It's up to you to see your journey through
Because there's nothing wrong with you

Oh dare be the happy girl
Go soar the world with glee
And never fear the things they say
For rich in life you’ll be

And don’t you know the happy girl
Is prettiest by far?
***’ all her imperfections
Are just kisses from a star

The happy girl will never age
Those sunspots on her cheeks
Are badges from the mountain tops
And hot Havana weeks

You’ll love to be the happy girl
The stories of a muse
Are preciously adorning her
In form of scars and bruise

When you become the happy girl
You’ll love yourself so well
That everyone will love you too
Because it’s clear to tell

The happy girl knows how to play
Might find her in a tree
Or beaches combed for shells and teeth
or dancing near the sea

I challenge you, the happy girl
Although I never could
I hope you’ll sail much farther than
The sad girl ever would

Nobody turn the page of your book
Nor anybody praise of your writing
Nobody understand your beauty
Nor they know your philosophy
Though you are great in your own term
Nobody wants to accept
But that's ok
It happens in this world
Where there is no river of art
But there will be a time
When your poem will be a household theme
Your philosophy liked by everyone
And until that day we have to wait
And continue doing what we do
For that day is coming surely
My brother

Am I selling my soul to the corporate world
in a vain pursuit of future financial stability?
Should I have bought my future with what little I had
and spent it growing my skills in music and writing
so that I could know they were not wasted?
Should I give up on this new work-from-home desk job
where I'm paid commission and weekly bonuses
and won't see the residual income from renewals for thirteen months?
Can't I have something stable that doesn't bore me to death,
and something exciting that doesn't turn my anxiety to an 11?
I've never had a balance--every job has been one or the other.
And yet, as I yearn for a career in music, I recall my past
where I majored in songwriting and couldn't handle college
and I sigh and realize that jumping to a music job wouldn't "fix" me.
No matter what I'm doing, I will need to have perseverance,
and patience, yes, but also motivation and drive to improve myself.
These struggles that I face now at this job are the same ones
that I've always struggled with--they're part of me still.
And I've always blamed the job for not being a good fit--
and some of them weren't, true--but that wasn't the root of it.

A job that is worth doing
will take effort and drive
and no worthy income
comes by barely getting by
and doing the bare minimum
in order to escape a scolding.
I need to change my mindset
in order to grow above this--
this swamp of complacency,
this mire of despondent weakness,
this misty swath of ambiguous feelings
that have dictated my actions
for far too long. No.
I'll sit and get to work
knowing that I am securing a future
for myself, my husband, and family
and that one day, I will have time
to create art in any way I want
but right now, I have a lesson to learn
about working hard
and rising to the challenge.
Don't let me forget.
I can't look back now.
Up I go, to new heights
where the fearful me
thought the risks were too great.
Up I go, to climb my mountain
and win this battle, and the next,
until I'm out of the doldrums
and onto the path that advances before me.

Here goes.