I swear I-I never wanted to trap a butterfly

It's all my fault
shards of ceramic scattered in disarray
It's so surreal
scattered soil, cautious footsteps
an unsettling sight, distorted situation
The roots' exposed

I have no right to cry
After all
I broke your heart
didn't I?

I tried to get past the past, but
all I know is loss
all I do is grieve
All I hear is ambient noise
Ringing through my head
all I know is violence
all I do is parkour

And avoid the feeling

Checked out
found the exit
and chose
To grieve you today
Cause I can't bare the thought of losing you sometime down the road
When you hate me
And regret me
and we'll be screaming about all your wasted time

I can't be what you want me to be
And I know I'm not what you need
I don't know the girl in your head
But I know she's a concept I can't complete
And you can't handle the girl I am

I swear I never, I never wanted to trap a butterfly

Please, believe me
I swear it wasn't my intention
I didn't mean anything by it
I only wanted to escape
For a moment
See all the colors before I go blind
No worries, no responsibilities
Fill my lungs at the top of the world

Running through
crowded places
And you grab my hand
before
I
get
hit
by
speeding
cars

I don't understand
how did you get me laughing

It must've been the caffeine
For a moment
the geranium almost thrived

Now I'm too old to be
Drinking alone at noon
Pretty pink drinks
As pretty as Dianthus in spring  
Is that what you meant
When you were explaining your feelings?

Well, the bartender is adorable
But I can't bare to look at brown eyes full of pity
Like they can see right through me

I swear I-I never, I never wanted to trap a butterfly

So I leave
And
Speeding
cars
are
honking
loud and angry
almost hit me
Hilarious
If only
then I could
finally escape
and I can
finally feel...
Nevermind
It doesn't matter

Poison slips into the cracks and crevices
Under the skin
Down the throat
Into the lungs
Behind the ribs
Irreversible structural damage
nectar of dissolution
Dissolve the heart

You know who you are

I swear I never wanted to **** a butterfly

Venus flytrap

I got the cup i deserved not
Playing hero
In front of a crowd
A crowd that only cheered and jeered
Overjoyed with my bedding destruction
They gave me a new name, Devastation
Still a name I deserved not
And with the blink of an eye,
A jeck and a wreck i became

Cowardice tatooed on my back,
As i faked my bravery
I took a step forward
When i was supposed to back off
Lured myself into the ocean of darkness
Plunged deep, deeper than i imagined
And i lost myself
Dined with demons
Sang lullabies of doom
Ensnared in their deciet
And crooked, my pathway became
How, why, when and where?
As the questions roars in mind,
I just wish I had done things differently.

Locked away in a peace of my heart
Not knowing what string to tug next
Am I emotional, or am I just weak?
Are you responsible for making it skip a beat?
Is it lust or is it love?
Only the heart knows what it truly does.
What's this pain? why is it breaking?
Why is my heart always aching.
Keep it beating or just give up,
at this point who really gives a f*ck

I am too rational
To fall apart completely
Like a crumbling leaf
In the autumn breeze
But here I am.
I am a piece of machinery
With a faulty circuit board
With a touchy circuit breaker.
Tiny signals
Trigger a robust response
Because anything larger
Exceeds my design limitations.

Carved stone for all to read
You cannot read it though
Feel it taught all over my skin
You just touch what you WANT to know
It could not be more obvious
Written all over my face
Choose to remain blind to the words
For you in the first place
If needing me to translate further
Not sure how else I can
Emotions simple to decipher
You don't want to know who I am

I feel it most when he’s gone,
At first it doesn’t feel like much
But the bruise on the cheek where he kissed me
Only gets sweeter to the touch

Like salt left on skin
From a swim in the sea
The remnants of him
On my body debris

My heart is bleached
By the sun of him
When he leaves, I’m still his
Every bone, every limb