You’re just a teen.
You must have fun.
I party after my exams.
And there trouble find itself
A new, exiting feeling
I found out I can kiss a stranger in a bathroom

And while pinned against that wall
I forget what waits for me at home
My boyfriend of three years
Would I be kissing someone else if I felt love for him?
Would I look at every other boy and try to act attractive?

A cheater is a liar. I guess I am a liar.
But when texting him “I don’t love you”,
I didn’t lie. I didn’t hesitate. I knew that I was doing right.

Three nights would pass and memories of him would flood my head, him kissing me. Me cherishing existence. I wonder late at night “Was it all love or boredom of existence?”

you can't stop hearing it,
that signal, being transmitted
on all channels,
filling those frequencies to the brim.
not a single gap in between
for your own voice;
too quiet for others to notice,
loud enough to make you paranoid.
what if they know it's there,
but would rather pretend
for the sake of not getting involved
with another basket case?
what if there's no one else?
what if you made them up
so that you wouldn't feel as lonely?
the ups and downs of laughter,
interrupted by helpless sobs.
there might be someone out there,
but all you hear is noise;
too distant for others to notice,
too intrusive for you to ignore.
transmitted on all channels,
not a single pause in between
for your own voice
sending out a distress message,
wondering if anyone knows
you're still here.

watching the trains rush by,
reaching for a stranger's hand
to keep your balance,
checking if your mind is still intact.
did something happen last night?
you know it was loud and suffocating,
you were out of breath, self-medicating,
catching the residual smoke
from someone else's exhales.
you don't feel like being called out
for every little invasion you suppressed,
so you take a step forward;
the platform is almost empty at this hour.
grasping at another passenger's clothes,
up the moving steps, counting blocks,
you'll be back to try again
another time.
wondering if someone might catch you,
watching the trains rush by.

drowning
constantly drowning
arms flailing at my side
voices screeching in my ears
no tears
just gasping for air
a void that cannot be filled
a girl who doesn't want to live
sinking into her black hole
floating in crimson red
is she finally dead?

Have you ever wondered?
Have you ever become?
Who is a villain?

Sit down.
Look at the skies.
Look at the people.
What good is there?

Nothing but vanity.
I have lived, and I have died.
I hated, and I was hated.
For that I am.
I am what I became.

Good?
Nothing but lies.
No good exists in this world.
Only hate, love, betrayal
And worst of all: regret.
Nothing but misery.
Nothing but loss and sadness.

If you ask
Yes, I once embraced goodness.
But when I woke up
And let it go
They scorned me.
They hated me.
Why?
In their eyes, I was different.
I was a villain.
I did not bother.
I am that I am.

I once asked myself:
Is there really a god?
If there is one
Why, when I prayed,
When I begged
Did He not hear me?
Why did He not save me?

And yet...
Nothing.
The king laughs at the fool,
And here I am
Praying to nothing.
To a silence dressed as a god.

There is no god.
If there is
He watches you suffer.
He watches joy blemish.
Why worship a god who enjoys pain?
That is your god, not mine.
I will not bow to a devil.
My head is my dignity.

Curse me all you want.
Hate me for all I care
Let the world deny me.
Let god disown me.
Only one thing has stayed with me
My shadow.
A reflection.
My true self.
The darkness.
And through him
I am known.

Let me tell you a story:
A man who wanted everything,
But was given nothing.
And still he smiled.

Only he knew
What was killing him inside.
He smiled because no one else knew.
No one could comfort him.

The world didn’t appreciate him.
It pushed him to the edge.
The struggle wasn’t enough.
He tried to show he was happy.

People mistreated him,
Bullied him,
Poured salt into his wounds.
No one thought anymore.
No one ever asked:
What is it like to be the other guy?

He accepted it all.
He bathed in insults like a child in the rain.
But this world wasn't made for him.
If only he hadn't been born.
He kept going.
Yearning for love.
Praying for peace.
Dreaming of happiness.

But it was all a dream
Too good to be true.

If what the people wanted was change,
Then change they would get.
But to his surprise
They feared him.
The world finally noticed him.

Their scorn wavered.
They followed.
He led.
He was on top.
And they called him a villain.

They said, “You’ve changed.”
But it was the world that changed him.

Who is a villain?
I tried to be good.
But you made it vanity.
Now I behave like you
And you call me the monster?

I let it all slide.
But you made me this.
You created this.

Let me tell you something:
People love watching a hero fall.
They don’t hate you
They hate your truth.

Nobody noticed me until I changed.
Until I removed my mask.
The greatest enemy of a man
Is himself.

People don’t love you.
They want from you.
Become weak.
Rely on them
Watch them vanish.

Gone like air.

When you’re weak,
They reveal their true selves.
In your final hour
They forget you.
Just like they forgot me.

I have lived.
I have died.
And I have transformed.

All that remains
Is a broken heart.

If only a hero knew
What I’ve been through...
These people aren’t worth saving.
They were never meant for salvation.

Don’t speak like them.
To them you’re a freak.
It’s all a lost cause.
Vanity.
Vanity whispers...
And yet, you still die for them.

You’re not their hero.
You’re their entertainment.
They’ll strip your worth
Then toss you aside.

Mockery becomes their joy.
Hatred becomes their anthem.

The more I tried,
The more I cracked.
My self shattered
Reforged into something new.

A villain is not born.
They are made.

It’s not that I’m bad
It’s that people refuse to see
Who they truly are.

I didn’t want this.
I didn’t choose this.
But what choice did I have?

My greatest wish
Is for you to know.
To know what I’ve endured.
To cry.
To mourn what I became.

You left your savior in the flames.
And turned your back.

Maybe this is how God felt
Creating a world
That mocked Him.

He tried to call them home
But they were too far gone.
Maybe He was a good God,
After all.

Hero
When I’m gone,
Sing my deeds in song.

Let them decide
Hate me...
Or praise me.

If they sing of me
I’ll be at peace beyond the stars.
I shall sing in heaven.

But ask yourself
What have you done?
What have you made me do?

I’m not at fault.
You’re not either.
This is life.
And life
Is the greatest trial of all.

Hero
Design my coffin with beauty and emeralds.
For I shall depart on a journey.
Maybe you were meant for this world.

I shall fly to my God’s embrace.
But before I go
Let me look at the stars.
The starry night I’ve always admired.
The moon’s soft beam
It calms me.
It always does.

You’ve been my joy.
The beauty of your creation
I adored.
And I envied.

It is time.

I can finally leave
Without regret.
Maybe I wasn’t bad after all.
Maybe I was just...
Lost.

Hero,
Shall we meet again?
Maybe then, I will truly see you.

When the time comes...
Till we meet again.