In the field of unknown light,
Vibrates your pure breath,
Your will always shines in the hearts,
You, only you fill the earth with dreams,
Tender fire in the care of humility,

Hills, valleys and dew in words
The rain of illusions and desire
You fill us in the emptiness of the night,
You, clear breath, get us drunk
With your unearthly existence,

Forest with flowers full of nectar,
Kneeling poet”s shadow in his dream,
A divine mother who gives us zeal for life,
You are not a single gust of wind,
In your breath, the poet finds the light,

You open our eyes to the grace of life,
Your forehead is a starless sky,
Blue sky planted in meekness,
You, vitreous humor, the falling star
In the dreamy ocean of fresh breath.

fell to earth a day ago
bounced back up on purpose
no job is to bad
i am retired

Earth
    worms the color of
    bruised tongues wriggle
    out of sodden dirt and
    splay themselves out on
    gritty asphalt

To breathe.
    We bite our tongues as the
    sun returns to burn away the wet.
    Bodies shrivel from the
    desiccation until we can come out to

Air that smells like all that
    rainwater and blood
    evaporating to fill our lungs.

As if my insides are too pink
and new to reach inside of
and pull out anything of value.
As if, because my body was not
forged out of natural disaster,
it isn’t a world of its own.

Between the hours of 4 and 6 a.m you can hear the earth whisper its favorite secrets. The sun always yawns awake, while the moon shy's away. They both live in this moment. Simultaneously fluffing the clouds underneath their cheeks, one falling asleep and one waking, they huddle on top of their pillows and listen to the earth tell its stories. A lot of times I am awake, and they soothe my worries away.  They accompany me when the walls hush me. They never turn me away, even when their parting. We huddle together and we balance our heads and listen to what the earth has to say. Sometimes it's sad, and she weeps. The tears fall hard across the pavement. We try an offer her tissue. Other days its gruesome and the coldness hurts my bones, we offer her warmth. Some days its lonely, we offer her our company. Some days they're happy, we offer her gratitude. No matter the story we listen. & she too listens. There's days I can't sleep so I tell all that runs through my mind, she doesn't judge and neither does the moon or the sun. Nowadays I feel lonely, but I know they're there and they offer me comfort, but somedays I turn them away because I don't feel anything. I feel empty. I turn numb. Numb. Numb. Numb. I feel misunderstood and even I don't understand what should be understood. But they never leave, they visit me from the hours of 4 am to 6 am and even when one shuts its eyes and the other opens one, I know they're there and they're rooting me on. Earth says I don't need to understand how I feel just yet, but sometimes I wonder how long is 'yet'. But to live in the now, but for now go to bed.

A constant battle rages.
Hot and cold circle each other in an elegant dance.
Decay feeds the blooming field above.
The sun and moon compete for our attention.

Inside, a wrathful hurricane thrashes against my skull.
Inside, the elements clash against my ribs.
Inside, the gravity of death and the lift of life rip my heart in half.
Inside, I don't know what to choose.

Heaven and Hell continue their war inside of me
     and all around me.
They whisper to me the wrongs and rights of the world
     but they tell me lies.
I close my eyes tight and clamp my hands over my ears
     but they still find me.

I do not feel serenity in the natural balance of life.

I feel confused
          I feel blurred
                    I feel chaotic

With the pressure to choose.

                                           I cannot choose.
                                   What if I choose wrong?
               How do I choose who gets to hurt
                                                            and who gets joy?
But I do it all the time.

I choose to hurt.
So they can feel joy.
But I don't want it anymore.
What will happen to the scale if I decide to jump

     into the river
          so far below,
     into the clouds
          so welcoming,
     into the fire
          so destructive
     into the ground
          so cold underneath.

How will I find balance within me
     if I cannot find peace in the balance around me?

I longed to exist, to actualize.  
               To be cognizant, to perceive.
          I longed to feel and communicate,
                   for a moment of relief.

                            ....................

  So I stood on Earth, consumed by Fire.
My skin crackled and crisped under the heat.

  I wished for release from the searing sensation, a moment of relief.

  Then Water rushed in, meeting me and  Earth.  My skin cooled, Fire squelched with a billow of steam.
  
  Though, while I stood on earth, mud and mire formed.  I found myself stuck in a vacuous trap.
  
  I burned for the freedom, once known.   For a moment of my own.

  As I stood stagnant, a mighty and benevolent gust of Wind caught the sails of my desperation.   And lifting me up, it took me away.

  My heart soared, as did my spirit, and felt the rush of air sweep me to freedom...but I felt untethered...flipping and falling....

  I longed for the structure I once felt, standing on Earth.  Stable and unmoved.  Knowing nothing but stuck yet safe.

I longed for fire to consume me....

                               ..................


          I long to die, to be non-material...
      I long to not be aware, and to not see...
I long to feel no pain, and to speak no more
       For a moment not so disappointing..