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J Nov 2020
when I'm mad, there are no mess-ups
but one
I'm trying to explain
why do I resent
the fact
you
don't see me trying

J
it's hard to listen when I'm angry
I don't know you-?
You don't know me.
You know my stories and my ****** reactions
"I get that"
no, you don't
you don't get me
no one does
I'm losing myself
while you find yourself
I feel I can't say anything anymore
I can't say **** about you
I can't talk about my ex
I get shunned
you twist my words around
make it into something it's not
I try my hardest to stay on a good track
but God
sometimes
I wanna rip my arm open
but that's hard
hard because everyone else around me does
and I'm trying to prove
I'm stronger than that
I try to be stronger
laughing
laughing
laughing
God, shut up.
shut up.
I laugh and laugh but it isn't funny.
but if I'm not funny
you won't love me

quiet.

we haven't talked just listen to your music

is that wrong?
is it?
is it bad that that's the only way that things come out of my mouth?
they whisper
I turn it up
they scream,
I blare
is it wrong that the voices don't stop

my mind is something you will never understand
but it's okay
I don't either
whatever makes
me
happy
you hate?
I know you have weird moods
so do i
so I guess I can't say much
sometimes J
just sometimes.
i

my whole life I've been shut down,
now by you too
I love you
but
the more we talk
the more that
I question your stories about
cheating and
being toxic
I doubt that
changed for me

everyone knows about your cps cases
and your grandfather

okay so I tell you things no one knows

but you tell me things everyone knows

quiet

silence
...
it's always had my back
but anyways
that shouldn't matter.

I'll just stay quiet.

**NOT MINE, MADE BY MY GIRLFRIEND, I JUST WROTE IT DOWN AS SHE WAS TALKING
my girlfriend read this to me. she was upset about something I did(I know what I did, I was telling her about my ex again and she had every right to be ******* about it) So while she was talking and reading it, I typed it out so that I could think about it. We're on the phone, still, even after she's read it as if nothing happened. She thought that we would break up over it, that we would break up because she believed those words were things to break up for. I'm shaking a little bit. A lot of bit. She said "I knew that it would upset you." I'm trying very hard not to act upset. I think that maybe I really am the toxic one. I've been working on something for her recently, about how much I love her, but that doesn't mean much, does it? I think maybe I'm stupid. I think maybe I should be the one to stay quiet. For what it's worth, I'm sorry Sydney.
Valarola Nikola Oct 2020
******* and your ******* face Paul,
Cause you must have tripped me to make me fall,
(This hard for you)
******* and your ******* wife Paul,
Cause you don't know how to tell the truth at all,
(Unless it benefits you)

Who let you out of the cage into the general population?
Someone ****** up somewhere for that to happen,
You don't care about anyone but the reflection that looks back at you,
And I've been waiting patiently for the day you get caught at what you do,
Think you hide so well all the girls you juggle like it's okay,
But you've been dropping *****, all over the place,
And I'll expose you one of these days,
For all the lies you say,

******* and your ******* face Paul,
Cause you must have tripped me to make me fall,
(This hard for you)
******* and your ******* mistress Paul,
Cause you don't know how to tell the truth at all,
(Unless it benefits you)

Hey *******, I didn't call you that cause you're good at head,
I named you that cause you can't even do that right in bed,
More O's more with a man I met a few months ago,
Than you who I've been ******* with 2 1/2 years next fall,
You think you're Gods gift to women,
You're not even close in my opinion,
In fact if you call, I'll be busy washing my hair,
For the foreseeable future, so how about we not anymore?

******* and your ******* face Paul,
Cause you must have tripped me to make me fall,
(This hard for you)
******* and your ******* side chicks Paul,
Cause you don't know how to tell the truth at all,
(Unless it benefits you)
Terra Levez Oct 2020
Is it my fault that I love you
Is it so much so my fault
That you need to try so hard
To make me unlove you?
Don't worry
I'm trying too
Owen Oct 2020
My heart says I'm done
with this life,
with feeling,
with wanting,
with being.
But my head
screams in protest.
Fight, live, breath, rage
til death takes me

Throwing myself to the world.
Give me everything .
The pain.
The sleepless, lonely, empty nights.
Skin crawling
and the urge to tear holes
in this vessel.
I'll push this body
to its limits and beyond.
Longing  to break and shatter.
If I have to bleed dry
to expel her poison
I'll have violence until peace.
K Sep 2020
I really really wanted it to be you, I wanted you to be the one that could love me the way I deserve because oh boy how much I liked you. I asked you if there was anything else we could do, but you couldn't think of anything... you couldn't say anything to make me stay because I knew I had to go. It was hard because you weren't doing anything wrong, but neither doing anything right. And it was ******* hard because the part of me that died for you was having trouble accepting the fact that you and I are not gonna happen. I cannot think of you without smiling and crying at the same time, at least for now.
You were what could've been but wasn't, you were the one I hoped one day we'd do roadtrips with your sister and her family, you were the one I hoped would send me flowers, and surprise me with a kiss, and take me to places, and share memories and moments. You were the one I thought I would take with my family on vacation. You were the ******* one I thought we could go swim and walk and talk and fall madly in love. I close my eyes and I see us holding each other so tight and so infinite... I want to remember us in the rooftop watching the sunset, but more than that, I want YOU to remember it. I have to let you go, but please... don't forget me.
apayne Sep 2020
waiting for the bus, always late, to carry me home  
   waiting for that shiny new tech-heavy device to arrive
      waiting for service when I’ve already been ignored twice
         waiting in line to pay for my overpriced vegan groceries
            waiting for the doctor who simply repeats WebMD told me
               waiting for the Wi-Fi to take only to have it disconnect 15 minutes later
                  waiting for payday when there's only Kraft singles and jam in the fridge
                      waiting for Spring like my bones aren’t already frozen and burst
                         waiting for inspiration like muse has 24-hour shipping
                            waiting for salvation when the devil’s
fork is already in my back


               But
Most of all
              
                                    I’m
                                       Tired
                                          Of
                                             Waiting
                                                For You
Broken Pieces Aug 2020
"I'm just tired."                                                          ­              Tired of trying, 
"I'm just tired."                                                          ­              Tired of crying.

"I'm just tired."                                                          ­             Tired of smiling,  
"I'm just tired."                                                          ­               Tired of dying.

"I'm fine, just tired."                                                        Tired of saying fine,
"I'm fine, just tired."                                      When I'm way beyond that line.

"I'm fine, just tired."                                              Tired of fighting my mind,
"I'm fine, just tired."                                             Tired of always being kind. 

"I'm ok."                                                             ­              Tired of the faking, 
"I'm ok."                                                             ­            Tired of the shaking.

"I'm ok."                                                             ­               Tired of forgiving,
"I'm not ok!"                                                             ­              Tired of living.
Broken Pieces Aug 2020
I'm just sitting her questioning my entire life,
Kinda wondering why I don't use the knife.

This life makes me wonder what's worth living,
This life makes me question what's worth forgiving.

Healing is a long process, but it doesn't help when I'm still sad,
I wish I could be different and just appreciate all I had.

If I could change one thing in the past, what would it be?
Would I finally be able to come to terms with being me?

These are my late night thoughts I can't escape,
But no matter what I can't change their shape.
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