#disorder poems on Hello Poetry

Steve Jun 2019

A shocking revelatory letter is presented
The tone goes from thanks to regret
while the hurricane spins in her head
The pharmacology reconnected synapses,
morphing her soul, keeping her in bed

He realizes she’s letting go for him,
she’s done this before
She can’t figure out how to love him any more

Months later he realized the person
he thought he loved was just a mirror
She never knew her true self
Maybe she never will

This is my very first poem.

#borderline #personality #disorder #breakup #divorce

moke Jun 2019

soften the angles

my eyes adjusted to the dark last night
of the light that fades in, flickering
in the bathroom where i have spent my worst times
i saw disappointment in the mirror again
maybe someday i will learn moderation
and stop desperately trying to reach
the bottoms of cups and plates
maybe i will stop wanting to forget
someday,
maybe i will stop having to trace outlines
in the mirror of what i want to see
changing the shape of my jaw
parting my hair differently

part of a collection of poems that i am only just now making public

i have been sober for two years and four months

#alcoholism #eating #disorder #dysphoria

Philomena Jun 2019

Impostor to a Perfect Child

"Now please don't ever be gay, wait no please don't ever turn out crazy. If you were gay we'd always accept you, you know that, just please don't. And please don't be crazy you remember your grandmother, I don't think I could bear it."

You know I do it all for you mom.
I hold my tongue
I don't look at the other girls, not like I used to anyways
I lock myself in dark rooms and let the tears fall
I try to be sane

Truth is I'll never really be what you want me to be.
I'm an impostor to a perfect child.
And while I might never be a perfect girl or a perfect daughter,
I'm doing my best.
I might lie awake at night while horrors race though my mind,
and my body might love soft curves,
and I might never be just like you,
but I'm fighting it with all I've got.
And I know that I can never tell you my true nature,
but I do sincerely wish you could see
all I've done to be what you wanted.

#impostor #perfect #child #questioning #schizophrenia #disorder #fake #daughter #mom

Naoíse McCabe Jun 2019

A Bipolar Bedtime Story

I see the ghosts of my fallen formers animated before me,
I have yet to meet the stranger who reads me bedtime stories.

Haunting cosmic music lures me from my bed at night,
I feel pink static tickle my brain before I take flight.

I’m not equipped to handle the energy mania bestows upon my mind:
A hypernova blast ripping through my universe, leaving nothing left to find.

The bustling sounds- of what once was- draws me downstairs,
I hear the kettle boiling, the television blaring, the scraping of chairs.

The magical love I feel is compressed, in my chest, into a tiny singularity.
If this is what you call crazy, then I don’t want to come back to reality.

#bipolar #disorder #mania

Julia Jun 2019

what do you know?

you know my name
but not my story

you know my grades
but not my glory

you know my size
but not my perception

you know my fall
but not my redemption

#mental #health #body #dysmorphia #depression #short #disorder

Empire Jun 2019

Panic Returns

Its fingers closing around my throat
Afraid to swallow, to breathe
In case I won’t be able to...
Can’t get it out of my mind...
GET OUT OF MY HEAD
The monsters are crawling back in
They’re trying to take control
I STILL HAVE CONTROL

What is control.... control.... lol
Control has only ever brought me
MADNESS

I can’t let them see
THEY CAN’T KNOW

I can’t tell the doctor...
I DON’T WANT MORE MEDS

I’m slipping

It’s coming back.

****.

Yes, please dangle my triggers in front of my face. Please threaten me with them. It’s really funny.

#anxiety #disorder #panic #ocd #mind #control #monster

Empire Jun 2019

Ultraviolet

It's like I used to be able to see so much
It’s like I used to be able to feel so much
More than I should have been able to...
Infrared, red, orange, yellow, green, blue, violet, ultraviolet
But infrared and ultraviolet were too much to bear
They were blinding me, crippling me
Too much of a good thing, I guess
So they gave me a pill to pop
That blunts the edges
And all I see now
Are yellow
and green
But I remember when I could see ultraviolet...

#mentalillness #anxiety #disorder #depression #ocd #antidepressants #simile #metaphor

mer Jun 2019

(Ō _ Ō)

sometimes i drown in anxiety
other times
i doubt i even have it

is that okay?
yes

#anxiety #mental #illness #disorder #anxious

mer Jun 2019

noodles

the noodles
sit in the warm,
steamy water
they've turned
soft and mushy

left in too long
why? well,
you see,
this person who
wanted to eat them

suddenly had an
intrusive thought;
this caused this person
to get anxious
about eating

so the noodles
were abandoned
in the starchy water
left there
to drown

#anxiety #mental #disorder #illness #health #noodles #food #anxious #thoughts #thinking