I walk down the street, my hair messy
My makeup sliding off
My sweatpants riding low on my hips, dragging on the ground, collecting dirt
And a low cut tank top.
Tired, exhausted, worn out. Unattractive. And that's okay.
What's not okay is when a car slows down and yells
"Hey pretty girl! Where you off to?"
I freeze
Attention is not something I'm looking for
It's a bed that I'm seeking
A good night's sleep
But instead of a bed I find
A man
Yelling unwanted compliments out of his car window as I walk back home.

Should I answer? What would I say?
Should I be honest? "I'm going home. Off to bed."
I know what the response would be. "Can I come too?"
Or maybe I can say "I'm going to see my girlfriend."
I don't have a girlfriend, but for the next five minutes,
She's right up that hill, waiting in her room to see me.
No, his response would be "That's hot! Can I come too?"
Or maybe I have a boyfriend instead.
More effective.
More dangerous. More of a threat than a girlfriend would be.
No, to that he'd say "He's letting you walk by yourself?
Must not be much of a man. I bet I could take him in a fight."
Which brings up many more issues
(i can walk by myself if he were real he would respect me so thats more than you do if he were real he wouldnt fight some random ******* over me treat me like a PERSON god ******)
That I would not want to address with someone as dangerous
As a man telling me I'm pretty out of the window of his car.
Maybe I can say "Please leave me alone." Being direct is always the best option.
Unless he continues to follow me.
Or gets upset.
Or refuses to leave me alone.
Or gets out of his car or pulls me into his car or or or
I don't know. I don't want to think about it.

Or maybe I can just keep walking.
Ignore him, act like nobody said anything
Act like there isn't someone I have never met in my whole life
Yelling out of the drivers window of his car
Telling me I'm pretty.

There is no way out of the dangerous thing that is the male gaze
Once it begins
There is no easy way out.

My legs were shaking
so uncontrollably
as I inched my way towards the
cold tile floor
on a Friday afternoon

It climbed up my spine
Into my hands
as the water in the cup
Shook and spilled
onto the floor

I look at the new mess before me
then up at the one in the mirror
staring right back
as I realize
as of now
only one can be helped

Because the shakes came
and left just as quick
but the thoughts that clawed
my skull
took root within my mind for weeks
on end

And after they grew comfortable
they invited the guest of honor to vacation
within the gaping hole of emptiness
that existed within my chest

Except when he was there it didn't
feel so empty
only heavy
and even though i asked them to leave
they had grown too comfortable
with my discomfort
to give it all up

air as fish's breath, so
we rest under eaves--
wet feet

Swallow your 'good kid' medicine,
drink up the black sludge oozing off of a rusted spoon,
stride in straight rows from beginning to end,
never let your feet stray from trodden asphalt.

Scoop your brains out of your head,
accept that your empty skull rattles in a heavy breeze,
waltz around burning coals on ash heels,
laugh while smoke and flame licks soft skin.

Ahahahaha
hahaha
haha
ha...

Ha?

Use this deep discomfort, this anxiety sprouting from your ruins within
Create.

By Arcassin Burnham


Showing kindness in an speechless manner to make
Anybody wanna resent you even more than they already have,
Dipping toes in the lake below having a fresh calmness in
The world you don't wanna really be in,
Wondering,

Where does the after life go when the lights dim in a four wall room
Without a door to open,
Loss of breath,
No hand to hold in times of discomfort,
Don't make it sound more depressing than it has to be , just learn,
Be vigilant to everything and everyone around making moves like
It's black Friday with fists flying,

You are a symbol for what kindness is and kindness is what
Everyone should have,
It's apparent that everything that has happened will be for reason
And not for a cause but improving the change,
You came along way young one.