I want someone to come and save me.
I wish for someone to come and save me from myself.
I hope that someone comes and saves me. I hope.

Cause I’m my self’s worst enemy.
Cause I can be my own nemesis.
But not my own savior. Not that. That I cannot be.

I cannot be Him. I don’t believe. Don’t know how to.
To be honest I never learned how to do so.
Faith. That’s what’s been missing from my life all along.

Intellectual by nature. A child of science. A lazy philosopher chatting mindlessly endlessly about anything.
A mixture of perverse logic coupled with an over-the-fence sexuality.
That’s who I am. That IS my history. An animal of society. Someone out of control.

Some nights, I lay here waiting God to take my soul as I drift to sleep.
And others I make a mess out of myself and of others through my outrageous behavior.
Never being sensible. Always a step beyond what other people think of me. Surprise! Gotcha.

Things got so messed up for me since the day I was born here. Trauma. Confusion. Questions. Crisis.
Don’t know who I am. Don’t know who I want to be. Don’t know anything.
Who can solve the everlasting mystery of my life if not me?? Exactly. Nobody can and nobody will.

I have no destination or grounding point in life. I’m so lost. Oh God help me!
Don’t know how to put the leftover pieces of my broken self, back together again.
I’m ****** to live a life of misery and a life of mystery. An endless dark meaningless (I’m tempted to say) black hole in my heart surrounded by supernovas and neutron stars.

Who can fix me? Who can put me back together? Who can make me feel whole again?
Cause I don’t know a **** thing. I never knew. Even if my mouth moved a lot in the past.
Now who can save me? Does anybody can? Do you? Huh? I’m talking to you brother!!

“I can and will save you. My child you have no other option but to walk the righteous path once again.
You will see. You will begin to breathe again. You will begin to feel alive once again.
You will at last get to know how it is to be a part of this marvelous universe”

Empty promises! Hollow words! Half-hearted remnants of an old man’s monologue!!
Who are you to speak my destiny? God?? Show yourself! You imbecile!
How do you dare to question the tentacle-like hands that mother fate has put on my predetermined future???

I never was anybody! I am not anybody! I ‘m just nobody and I don’t want to be something more!
My existence gets verified by my low self-esteem. I want nothing more. This is enough for me!
Leave me alone! There’s only one thing I hope though. “I hope that someone finds me and saves me before it’s too late.”

I was using my feelings all along
Emotional by nature
A helpless hopeless romantic

You were using logic and reason
Rational by choice
A soldier trained to always be strict and to never feel.
The exact opposite of me.

He sleeps while I lay awake
No news.
I think this is the nature
of boys.
How many times have I lain awake
while a boy I was ******* slept?
Sometimes when you are faced with absurdity
All you can do is sleep.
I think I've made a terrible mistake
but this isn't the first time I've felt
this way.
I am not to be trusted.

I don't think I've slept in nearly two years.
Instead closing my eyes only in the merciful combination of desperation and design.

Last night he went to sleep at 12:03
I listened for his breaths to slow.
I rubbed my feet together
softly;
In near panic.
And didn't turn on Josh Ritter until
12:33.

Aside:
Falling in love =/= being in love
Life is all about lessons. Choices.

🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶
I never felt alone until I met you.
🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶

Not alone like this.

Do you dwell in this space also?
Am I less alone in at least that much?

Sleep softly, babes.

My heart hates you so much my beloved.
Yet the whole of my soul still needs you terribly.
We are so ******* far apart, ******* it.
Your love is taking such a toll on me.

I’d kiss you to death if I only had the chance to do so,
I’d made love to you until you wouldn’t want to anymore
I’d hug you until you couldn’t breathe even if you chose to do so
I’d make you miss me so much that you couldn’t stand it.

I chase our memories until exhaustion every day,
Needless to say it seems impossible to take you out of my mind.
Your touch has been lodged so deep inside of me.
It seems so uncanny that I can’t separate you from myself.

Whenever I try to move on and build my life again.
You just seem to magically appear in front of me all of a sudden,
Destroying at once any sort of hope of me finding love again.
Leaving me alone to wonder in the corridors of my own mind.

I’d die for you a hundred deaths and I’d fight and win for you a thousand battles.
I’d make a deal with the devil only to deceive him at the end
I would sell my soul to him to just get a moment of eternity with you even in hell (it would seem like heaven)
Even though you wouldn’t go out with me for coffee, tea or for a meal.

I know that I’m only gaining your pity from all of this indeed.
Maybe I’m not worthy of your love or even your attention.
What pains me so much is that you won’t even hate me for God’s sake.
So that much I’m indifferent to you after all that we’ve been through? After all of this??

It is my destiny to go through a love like this.
Doomed and ****** forever to never to be with the one I truly want
I just hope one day that you change your mind before it’s too late
So you can come and save me from death with a kiss of yours

I just ******* miss you I freaking miss us so much…****!..
I have no other choice other than to wait for you my beloved
Even if it takes me an eternity I will wait for you my red colored, egg shaped, thorn covered rose.
I‘ll wait for you, until the ashes of what used to be my brain and heart once, disappear, forever lost into oblivion.

For simply
I have no
Other
Choice.

She looks down the street
Desperate for another shot at the night
She likes the danger
And brings home every stranger
Not for the thrill
Not always at their will
But what else can she do
Her heart still has no clue