It's one of those days
The days I stand and my knees give out
The days I can't breathe
When I feel that I have no purpose
I give up
I fall even further
But I cannot see the reason to keep on
To pretend everything is fine
A fake smile
People I don't want to speak to
They talk and talk
I wish I could lay down
To finally rest
But I cannot for I am weak
I am tired and broken
Under a spell I can't release
My memory fades
Eventually I will fade to nothing
One day maybe not today or tomorrow
I will be gone and finally
Finally I will be at rest
Just not on days like this

I'm sad.
I'm sad because I'm lonely.
I'm lonely because no one is in love with me.
No one is in love with me because they said I'm not in love with myself.
I'm not in love with myself because of no one is in love with me.
No one is in love with me because I'm lonely.
I'm lonely because I'm sad.
I'm sad.

I'm losing them, i'm losing them all. One by one, as they drop
I was getting better. Things were fine. but then this darkness desides to pass by. Here I am, now a bit over a month clean, sadly still feeling depressed, with no defeat. I was smiling today, I was even laughing, then they ask "how are you?" I answered with a smile "I'm depressed". they laughed and smiled and tried to relate. little did they know it was all fake and almost too late. Earlier today I swear I was gonna do it. I was right there standing at that line. The line of life and death. I went for a walk and sat there. I sat where what could've been a death scene and pondered. I pondered about my future, my friends, my family, my lover. I had the note ready for them in my back pocket. Eventually I decided I should wait one more day. Maybe by then something will change.

I always have this nightmare.

This nightmare has no ghosts, or zombies, or anything unreal.
This nightmare I have is about a sad boy, who hates the world and struggles with everything in life.
This nightmare is about a boy who can’t focus on studying  because he has to focus on keeping the rope under the bed.

This nightmare is about a boy who can’t focus on eating because he has to fight that urge whenever crossing a bridge.
This nightmare is about a boy who can’t have friends because of his anxiety and his lack of ability to cope with life.
This nightmare is about a boy who uses alcohol and drugs as a crutch because it works better than therapy and pills.

This nightmare is about a boy who still cries over his mother, creating memories of her instead of reliving them because she was gone before he was born.
This nightmare is about a boy with no dad because he ran away from the future of this boy.
This nightmare is about a boy who tries to forget about the pain by inflicting pain on himself.

This nightmare is about a sad boy who is lost.

This nightmare is real.

That boy is me.

I’m still waiting to wake up.

Everyone hangs their darkest tapestries deep within their mind

Moon river wider than a mile
I'm crossing you in style someday
A dream maker
My heart breaker
Wherever you're goin', I'm goin' that way
The same, the same

Two drifters off to see the world
There's such a crazy world to see
We're all chasin' after all the same
Chasing after our rainbow's end

Moon river wider than a mile
Crossin' in style someday
My dream maker
Heartbreaker
Wherever you're going I'm going the same

Two drifters off to see the world
It's such a crazy world you'll see
What I see, who I become
We're all chasin' after our end
Chasin' after our ends

Life's just around the bend, my friend
Moon river and me