1.) I'm tired of lighting cigarettes and joints when I really just want to light my insides on fire.
2.) I'm tired of kissing boring girls and boring boys in hopes of feeling something other than this eternal silence inside of me.
3.) I'm tired of drinking 20 cups of black coffee hoping the caffeine will stop my heart.
4.) I'm tired of taking blue pills, snorting white lines, shots of ***** and **** rips to hold me over for a couple hours.
5.) I'm really ******* tired of shaking between highs, head between my knees, heart pounding, breaking into a cold sweat.

I'm tired of being an addict.

Sometimes the temptation to succumb to you is far too strong for me to bare.

I long to feel some sense of numbing and I know that caving into you will accomplish just that.

Then I face the harsh reality that at some point I will have to suffer.

Rather it now or later, I will have to open myself to that hurt and heal.

I don't want to be your hero, nor your ******
Because they provide instantaneous relief but neither are free
The cost, your life, surrendered to addiction
And hero's are a work of fiction
And I want you to love me with no dependency
With out missed calls leading to withdrawals
9.2million are addicted to ******
And I want only you to be free from addiction and love me
Do me a favor and don't make me just be your savior
You're disillusioned into thinking I'm Jesus
When I just satisfy your companionship lust
You say I make you feel better
But when I'm not around
It seems I make things worse
You say I don't of course
To trick me to stay
But you love me in a completely different way
You need to fix yourself from the source
Because I'm worn so thin
And all your healing
has to come
from within

This day needs tomorrow
As much as
Tomorrow needs today.
Throw a stone,
Watch ripples lick the shore,
Then turn around
And ripple more;
Like magician's rings,
Smoke rings,
Wedding rings,
Entangling,
Enriching,
Intertwining,
Becoming Olympian.
At the epicentre
It's calm.

We were infants
Trying to stand
Trying to talk
Seeing the world for the first time.
Six months and we grew
Learning, discovering
Looking for purpose
But still stuck in our minds.
One year and we were children
Believing we knew
All there was to know
But still filled with wonder.
Finding the first sadness
Peace in companionship
Hope for the future
And somehow life inbetween.
Two years and we were adults
Each others' first
"Happy," used so often
"Love," thrown back and forth.
In the cracks, underneath
Darkness spilling
Pain and confusion
Joining but tearing.
Three years and we were dead
Hope gone, innocence lost
Liquid life had taken ours
And pain was all it left.

But I am not
I live. And I realize that
Love was something you never gave,
There was no we, only me
And we did not live, or love.
Rather, I did.
I do.

I know you want to be independent
and make yourself happy, but
I want this to be a partnership;
we both make each other happy
but we don't need each other to be happy.

his life lies at the bottom of the bottle
a glass body entrapping his soul
one by one, his giggling, gaudy girls
grow up into graceful adults
clinking glasses full of candid celebration
toasting their tranquility into theater walls
as he stands up to take a shaky step
toward the door, toward his girls,
the glass bottle drags him back under

Yes, I salvaged you like a sunken treasure,
But you didn't realise, I too, was beneath the circling waves when I found you.
Without you to save,
I may have stopped swimming long ago.