till the instant I sleep,
from the moment I waken
my God, oh my God
I feel so forsaken

Sometimes I’m asked if I have siblings.
And I don’t mention you at all.
Inadvertently, I always tell a lie.
I don’t mention you with those still living,
because the hole you’ve left feels sore,
And I know I’m erasing you from life.

But you don’t exist.
I don’t speak your name,
who you are to me.
I don’t need their sorry, so pathetic.
What am I to say?
“I’m OK. You don’t need to worry.”

I don’t need their questions,
the “oh, no”s, “what happened?”
the regret that they had asked.
I don’t need a reminder of how different
it’s been since you’ve left
all so sudden, and so young.

You know you don’t belong here.
you’re a mismatched memory
amongst the living.
Like a puzzle piece
of an awkward family,
and now the piece is missing.

And now I speak ill of you.
And it makes me feel uneasy,
causing my head spin.
Because I do have siblings, I have a few.
And I don’t know them completely.
And you, Attila, I never will.

Knowing is death

and only learning how to forget
will let you shed the painful skins
and grow the last one,

which will be made of silent suede.

I will come back to the place someone else
once used to call home.

My eyes will kiss again the flame-rotten moths -
it will be a pleasure
to see them escaping their unknown fate,
at last.

I will pray to the sun again,
when my time comes. There will be no one pushing us
to the oblivion of tomorrow.

If you hadn't held down a job, we would've been *******.
If you hadn't worked, we would've had no shelter or food.
You worked hard for years to keep a roof over our heads.
You became ill in 2011 and twenty months later, you were dead.
About three years after you retired, you died at the age of sixty-five.
Even though you had months of chemotherapy, you did not survive.
When I learned that you had Leukemia, I started to pray.
If you were still alive, I'd wish you a happy Father's Day.

Someone asked
Where is the greatest love?

In intimacy, no
In wedding, no
In children, no

But in death
That’s where love truly is
In heartbreak

Come and weep,
Silently, tears will guide you to sleep,
As your lover comes to know,
The grave of water's undertow.
Another claimed,
In the name of explorer's fame,
A name, that once you pass on,
Will be all but gone.
Not a soul has ever carried it as close,
As you have for so long.

Don't be foolish,
Staring at the sea,
He is truly gone,

Even when the fleet comes rolling in,
You won't have that kiss at dawn,
He promised you as he left.
So hang your lonesome head,
The worst is yet to come,
Fill his grave with sea things,
It's all that's left of him anymore.
Your life together,
Now ancient lore,
Lock it up,
Before you wake up.

I'll sneak away at night
when the world is fast asleep
as your breath rises and falls, deep and slow
as the stars dance in the sky under their mother the moon
hidden by the light from the street lamps

I'll quietly slip from my warm bed
shocked by the chilling air as I peel back the covers
and I'll tip-toe past your bedroom
and put on my shoes
and leave my tear-stained letter on the kitchen table

you won't even notice as I leave
as I creep open the front door hesitantly
as my feet drag me out to the bus stop
and I wonder if it's too late to turn back

when the bus brings me to my stop
and I walk towards the bridge
my heart won't stop racing
I wonder if this really is my fate
as I near the ledge

I shut my eyes and envision you
still drifting away in the land of dreams
sleeping peacefully in my absence
I get closer to the ledge

you won't even notice I'm gone
your chest will still rise and fall
your dreams will continue to play
the stars will continue to dance under their mother moon
and the street lamps will shine until the morning
and when the morning comes
and the sun rises out of its bed
and the moon and her children leave for the day
and your dreams finally come to an end
please don't miss me