Wheels rolling,
him,
so controlling.

Rain hitting
me,
feeling so fitting.

Parked feelings,
him,
thinking of all our dealings.

Front seat flirt,
me,
vulnerable and hurt.

Yet there is hope,
him,
convincingly tying a rope.

Hanged by fear,
me,
killed by my dear.

You & me
tuning into
us.

I could search the universe for the right words.
I could look through every crater of every moon.

I could put the sentences dancing on the tip of my tongue
in a beautiful arrangement.
They would be in perfect and symmetrical lines,
they would move and jump and synchronize with the grace of a thousand swans,
creating a heart shape out of themselves.
They would spin and twirl and blossom through the cold ground like the eager flowers after this eternity of a winter.
Can't you see that it is a bouquet, a ballet, and a declaration all in one?
Each letter would be tied perfectly in its place with a silver ribbon.

And it would still not be enough to express how much of a gift you are to me.

The way I see it,
you are as safe as you are warm.
You are as vibrant as you are beautiful.
You are as patient as you are kind.
Each moment with you is like opening a present.
Your feet leave a trail of with each step you take.
Music notes follow you around like they do with a character in some cartoon I used to watch as a child.
Your smile is contagious and leaves everyone's cheeks hurting.
A color banner that reads "happy" finds it way above the head of every person you share a laugh with.

And I will always, always celebrate knowing you.

You, my dear, my gift, my sweet love,
are something to look forward to and something to be
immensely,
truly,
and eternally
grateful for.

Everyone goes through some stuff in their life that they want to change.
Something that hurt them, someone who changed them, a situation that could have been avoided.
And we have to face the realization that we can't change any of it.
I wish I could write a letter to myself.
My past self.
I could tell her that the minds of teenagers get dark and scary.
I would inform her that razors should only be used to shave.
I would plead that she didn't let her insecurities stop her from reaching her goals.
I would enlighten her that no matter how much make-up, dieting, or personality changes she commits too; its better to change for yourself than turn into something your not for others.
I would encourage her to not think twice. STOP OVERTHINKING.
I would remind her that she is young and yes, death is unpredictable but so is your ability to reach your biggest dreams. Reach for your dreams.
Don't think of death as a dead line; great things take time.
Everyone makes mistakes.
I would tell her that one day she will have these unexplainable feelings for a girl. It will seem impossible, but do not give up on her.
I would warn her about the high school boys that will only use her, no matter how Christian they are.
Create friendships, get to know people before you give yourself away.
Let things take its course and you may be surprised where it takes you.
I would explain all of the great things that I have experienced, and inform her that the world can be bright.
I would remind her that her parents only want what is best for her, and they are more supportive than she thinks.
I would let her know that people will leave her, and it will be hard for awhile, but she will survive.
You will survive.

Colors in life,
What it matters...
Matters what, it doesn't matter,
But matter what do matter.

Colors in life,
Why it matters....
Matters to color the life...
Matters to color the journey.......

Colors in life,
When it matters....
Matters after missing out....
Matters after losing out............
Matters after concluding nothing.