En point across eggshells
I tiptoe terrified around the point
Tireless trying to despatch any drama
I slip as I dance, Audible cracks

It’s been like this for a while now
Heart palpations, perpetually on edge
Panic attacks more frequent
Wait... they’re entirely new

Careful attempts to communicate
How I feel, frightened for firing the kiln
What will it be this time?
Interruption of calm converse circadian

Gaslighting? Guilt-Tripping?
Derailing? Tone-policing?
“I don’t deserve to be spoken to that way”
You say, as I crumble

Endless excuses and appalling accusations
You revolting repertoire maims me
Standing shattered, ******* fractured
fragmented as the eggshell environment I navigate

suspicious of my soul, I ponder the point
I take medication now, dose has doubled
The months you spent convincing me
a counsellor captioned me manipulative

Lies. Ladles of lies.
Thank god I know now
I had a plan in place
A time and space...

Delicately detailing
Now with unsullied sharpness
From alpha to omega
My swan song

The darkness of my room,
reflects the darkness of my soul,
tears keep falling
which I can't control.

the blades are my allies,
but it won't suffice.
I just want a quick way to end this,
I just to want to be in peace.
I wanted the feeling of ease.

............I just want
I just want this suffering.......to end.

My thoughts are dark
I've lost my spark

My body feels dead
There is a war inside my head

A war filled with love and pain
But for me, there is nothing to gain

I feel cold
And am useless, or so have been told

Not by friend nor enemy
But by the one in the mirror
ME

Darkness around me does nothing
I used to run in fear
Afraid of the thoughts in my head
Now i embrace them

They only make me stronger
The shadows want to protect me
If i get hurt along the way
It is my own fault

My body is a canvas now
I need to express my feelings somehow
But where do i put
These little red lines tonight?

On my wrists?
On my thighs?
On my stomach?
Where?

Behind my knees?
Behind my arm?
Behind my back?
Where?

Where would bring me the most pain?
Where would be the easiest to conceal?
For not everyone understands my art.
And so i must keep it hidden.

I have been walking past a dead rotting body for weeks now.

A badgers body perfect looking at first and slowly watching the worms and maggots eat away at the flesh. slowly decaying and rotting and becoming nothing. this is life. this is real. and this is the truth. this is everyone's eventuality. that is our future.

The smell of death was unforgettable, and it makes me wonder why we try so hard when in the end we are just a body that will fade to nothing...

A twitch of my head and the dead will crawl.
The dead will crawl with a scratching so intense they will leave marks upon my mind.
With the marks hard to remove, I twitch my head once more and awake the dead’s ancestors.
One by one they eat the flesh of the living within me, every aspect of life and trace of goodwill never evident after their presence.
The eyes of the dead so dark, my own eyes swell with the blackness of every mark they have ever left.
With one final twitch of my head I am consumed; under the power of the dead that are now living within me.
No wrong doings were made on my behalf yet the dead take over and find solace within the living thoughts I once possessed.

For every defiance
I lay rules until fifth times
At first I feign ignorance
At second, I exercise patience
On third, my final drops of tolerance
At fourth, know my resistance
And at fifth, I will devoid you of existence.
Never waste your chances
For you loose them in the process.