I care to much to look away
You've made this happen
Your laugh
Your innocent looks
You truly don't understand
What really lies in my mind
I dread waiting for your texts
I regret my patience to wait
Yet I wait
And wait
Until I see you have responded
It drives me insane
How sane you make me
I shouldn't have you on my mind
Yet putting you out makes me ache
So I drive myself crazy
Because I know your eyes
Tames my insanity
We're suppose to be friends
My mind tells me not to ruin that
But I want to push the limit
Just because of how you make me feel
I hide it from you
Bury it deep down
I don't want you to truly know
How much I care

It really is a crazy world
I see it every day
No matter where I run to
I cannot get away

Right is not right
Wrong is not wrong
Life is too short
Yet the nights seem so long

Steadily fighting for breath
Choking on pouring rain
Frustrated with no way to deal
Bottling up sorrow and pain

I hide behind a careful mask
But its starting to wear thin
Revealing the frown underneath
The monster deep within

Barely recognize myself
Changed so many parts around
Most days it's all I can do
To not crumple to the ground

Every time I dare to leak a hope
It gets slashed out of the sky
After so many disappointments
I don't even try

I take the struggle for what it is
Forgive and then move on
And wait for happiness to arrive
Knowing it's too far gone

The wicked world keeps spinning
Turning in spite of its weight
I try not to give up on love
Its challenging when there's so much hate

Bitter but not yet beaten
Though I'm bent in a few places
Trying to write a better ending
Fill in the rest of the blank spaces

Though my eyes know endless misery
My heart continues beating still
Life may never get easier
But who knows? Maybe it will

The darker the darkness,
the crazier the thoughts.
That little piece of meat,
a sectioned off part of my brain breeds pain.
It specializes in it
and in reminders.
Like a calendar
but this one ties you in
your own personal electric chair.
Each reminder,
Each charge,
Each word
reverberates throughout your entire body.
It brings pain.
Brain pain,
the only thing I truly know.
The only thing I was force to learn.
I wish I could unlearn the things in my brain,
remove the whole thing
and start from scratch.
Must find a way out,
Need to find my way out
of this inescapable maze of my mind.
Even if all that is left to remember me by
is a splatter on a wall.