We talk about life
and the darker things,

you assure me everything
will turn out well,
even when we both know

it’s not likely
to be in our lifetime.

I rattle on
asking questions
we don’t have the answers to,

I leave sentences unfinished,
question marks hanging
feeling you coming up short
when you don’t know how to help me,

(no one really does)

and I let you off the hook,
feigning a need for nicotine,
buying bleach instead

hoping I can lighten the mood…

BAN August 5, 2014 8:07 am

I find most times
that as I walk just me and I,
I find that me likes to spark up a conversation.
And I know
That I always respond.
But while it may seem fun for some time,
I am just talking to myself.

We spoke today after ages
It felt like a part of me came back

Now we talk everyday
It feels like a bright sunny day

I miss his hands
He knows me, he understands

The way he makes me feel
The pain inside my heart will never heal

He’s something I really need
We miss each other, we both agreed

There are so many things I have no control over
It makes me feel like I’m not at all sober
I feel this way without a single drink
I can’t help but think

I want to see him, hold him, feel him
Run towards him and just stay there with him
Maybe I never want to leave
He’s my only belief

It’s raining,
And I’m taking refuge,
Watching a bridge
Withstand a river deluge.

Drinking the sight of waters rage,
The ebb and flow of each new age.
My faces are glazed,
Until I exchange my gaze
For a traveler
Treading
Woe.

In a hastened pace to stave disgrace
By their cultural need for saving face.
Their mind unlaced,
Glancing through
Time’s passage;
They can’t see the message,
Blind to choosing a clue.

I assume their fear
For failing to adhere
To societal passages,
Spurred by the purchase
Of each new dear.

I feel their urgency surging waves of gravity;
Tied tides, I can taste the apocryphal surgery.
It hurts me,
To see their druthers change hue
Just so they can drink the dangers they’re daring,
Slaking their need for this fixed way through.

Un-damming a plea,
Steeped in empathy,
“Be patient. Please,
May I help you see?
That this river is
Swifter
Than you or me.”
All spilling from my heart's case,
And my mind.

“Can’t YOU see?
I haven’t the time and hardly the space.
I must keep trudging if I’m to keep pace,
In the race for the sun
And all that’ll never come
Undone.
Now keep you to yourself and--oh, never mind!”
Damming their course,
Leaking remorse lined remedies.

With each new step, the last one readies,
Traveling rapidly towards temporal eddies;
Vexed whispers in the flow of things,
Watch this fellow in the context of streams.

This friend thinks they can churn and rage
Against the turning of an age.
I really thought that they could too,
Oh! How I wish this stream’s course true.

Instead I watch the warrant
Of ridged destiny
Abridged,
Tearing under river's torrent;
I’m drinking in a travesty,
Of purely slickening torment.

The levees brim then burst.
The waters rage and rumble,
Spilling over bridge a-tumble.
“Don’t take me!”
My neighbor’s footing starts to crumble,
Their mettle and meter all a-jumble.
It is a tragedy.

“I’M DROWNING IN COMEDY!
What do I do?!
Can I do?!
Will I do?!
Should have done?!
Would have done?!
Could have done?!”
Nothing.

So I watched my dear friend swept
Away and wept
Into my hands.

I gave them a rope,
And found them hanged.

Then,
Looking up,
I realize something:

It’s raining,
And I’m taking refuge,
Watching a bridge
Withstand a river deluge.

Drinking the sight of waters rage,
The ebb and flow of each new age.
My faces are glazed,
Until I exchange my gaze
For a traveler
Treading
Woe.

I love him, she says
I believe her
he can change, she says
and I don’t
it’s his past, she claims
and I know it
he needs me, she cries
and she’s right
it’s abuse, I say
she agrees, yes
it won’t stop, I say
and she knows
he’s controlling, I plead
and she sees it
it’s toxic, I sigh
and she cries
you can leave, I say
and she says, yes
but it’s hard, she says
and I nod
but you must, I whisper
and she sighs
but I love him, she says
I believe her

“It’s cold out,” you said that morning,
and I wondered when we’d been reduced
to small talk, as if the cold ever bothered us.

“Yeah. It’s only getting colder.”
You shivered, as if my words were controlling
the weather, my breath gaseous ice.

“Hard winter this year.”
Yes, I thought. Just like last winter.
But, I didn’t bring it up because the distance
between us was already a downhill ski *****,
and one simple mistake could make us crash.

“I hope spring comes soon.”
I wasn’t crazy about spring, but you were.
The cold pierced skin and rattled bones,
But it didn’t stab hearts with icicles.
Nature was hardly as harsh as you–
it was this, this unspoken
year packed into meaningless words
about the weather – of all things – just
to keep the peace.

So I wished for spring,
because I thought it might please you.
But I didn’t want spring. I wanted to rush
past straight to summer. I couldn’t stand
the cold anymore – this cold – the type
expressed in us, as if we were two icebergs
drifting away, silent arctic waters between us.

I wanted heat, the type that makes icecream
melt in a blink and drip onto the sparkling
sidewalk, the blinding heat that burns
cue marks through sunglasses.

You smiled. “Me too,” you said,
but I knew you didn’t understand me –
you had already drifted off,
far away, closer to land than I.
Closer to closure.
You only spoke of spring.

Don't let me swirl
Old thing, help
Me stay within
This tomb of myself

I'm falling away
Don't you know
Freely gliding with no wings
Down into something darker

I should shatter
Wouldn't you think
Like paintings might
Were they made with dagger eyes

A toast!
To falling ill
To being swallowed
To never seeing light again!

Cheers!

When the conversation fades, and interest is gone. island drift farther apart
burning down the maze, to get to the point, when new beginnings start
eyes aching to examine you, before to long, the death of the heart.
when minds flower blooms, healing open wounds, morning birds swoon
there pray to there doom.don't fear the faun, such beauty to gaze upon
purifying waters we lay in, indulgence, love, lust and sin. all dogs will bark
we embark upon, the mission at the break of dawn. it all has been done