Depression is sad
Awful
Horrible

But if you are attempting
To be positive
I guess you could say
That it has it's pluses

For instance:
I no longer fear death

I can climb to the sky
Walk as close to the end
As I like
I can jump from higher
And do more

For it has been quite awhile
Since I last feared death

Search inside yourself for love,
It has to start somewhere,
You have to love yourself before,
Others even start to care.

I learned the hard way,
I suffered alone,
Body Dysmorphia,
As it is better known.

I went insane first of course,
I couldn't look at myself,
I hated everything i was,
At risk of being left on the shelf.

People would say,
Surely it's not that bad,
But what do they know,
I was way past sad.

I decided to take it,
One step at a time,
I decided to change,
I started the climb.

Out of the dark,
No longer alone,
Working through my fears,
With my husband at home.

We climb mountains and buildings
and risk everything - well, some of us -
                                                                   for what?
For achievement? For a good story to impress girls?
For pride? Because no one else has?
No,

           it must be something more.
We climb into spaceships and airplanes and
elevators
          to be higher than anyone else,
      to see things that have never been seen,

                  and to be further than anything
                                  than anyone
before.

We climb to improve, to live, to love,
and because up is unlimited.

I just want to know if I'm wasting my time
on some ideals that don't exist outside my head;
to trust it will grow after tasting and climb,
maybe heals moving forward instead.

I came back home last week, big greyhound bus and a backpack full of clothes. That bus rode in on Main Street, that old coffee shop was closed.
I walked across the park and stop by that old oak tree, the one where we carved our initials and climbed on - its still standing tall, our initials are hard to read but still able to see.
There were some kids playing tag and that tree was the safety base...if they only knew the things we did together up above or down below...I can still feel your embrace...
Its been such a long, long time since we walked hand in hand, do you remember?
Does it mean as much to you as it does to me?
Its a strange, strange story - how time just rumbles past us and we find ourselves alone despite the crowds of people.
Its a strange but comforting feeling knowing that the tree is still there. Sort of a confirmation that we did live the life I remember and its not just another story.
That we were together, long nights and my feelings are true and not some made up memory.
I find myself falling at times for the same old lines, the same old attractions, her scent, her voice, lips and touch...but then I remember that she is not you and its just a temporary glimpse into what can never be...
I came back home the other day but its not home anymore...my family is gone, moved on to another town in another city. Tom, Sue and Billy are gone as well to another town in another city.
I walked around and hoped that magically I would catch a glimpse of you again...but all I saw were the smoking ravages of a heart dragged on the road - skid marks of blood and love wasted...
Home is not home.
Home I have no home.
I am alone...sweaty air choking me and I dream of you holding me.
Home I have none.
Home is a place I call where I don't feel so scared and alone. With apron string love and the scent of something in the oven.
Got on the 11pm bus back to New York City...as we pulled away I saw that old oak tree and I could swear I saw you waving to me...

Him:
Do you want to share my ice cream
play footsie?
Inch by inch
I’ll climb up
You eat

Her:
I want to go horseback riding
By candlelight
With a bottle of wine
squeezing with my thighs
I want a stallion

accept the reality
the faith of humanity
lack of gains
broken veins
blood struck tub
slowing lub dub

breath it out
in these unheard words
these sown letters
messages for him
who's eyes will never see

does it matter?
what's the latter
nothing will amount from this felt pain
nothing but shattered hopes and created chains
stop holding him so near
let go, he'll never only be here

this ***** has a climb but the top will come
stop hoping, just live and soon it'll be done


*s.q.

Standing here with a smile painted on
But if you saw past the mask you'd never would have turned away
Hands shaking, swallowing hard
Fearm seems to have taken control over me
I thought I had taken control over my life from the drugs
But fear saw an opportunity and took it
Now I'm hiding from the darkness outside
looking over my shoulder at every noise
Hope no one notices the sweat dripping from my brow
I'm trying to let someone know
but fear's got me by the throat
My words are trying to climbe out of my throat before it closes
but time is running out
And I'm wondering if we'll have enough time for them to climb out
I keep hoping someone will see past the mask
Because in the contract I can't take it off
Otherwise I may turn black and blue
I'm checking around the corner and under my bed
Like I'm searching for the boogeyman
when the only thing I'm going to find is looking back at me in the mirror
But fear is pushing me to the corner
hands on my throat
threatening my life as if it were worth nothing yet everything