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Freddy S Zalta Jul 2015
It begins with the birth of an emotion. Unsure of just what the nature of it you shrug it off and try to force sleep. Suddenly you are aware of your heartbeat...
Breathing becomes uneasy and suddenly sweat appears upon your brow and your upper lip. Throw off the cover and then you begin to shiver ever so slightly.
Your heart is beating and its like a pendulum only you feel as if it is speeding up as the tempo of your emotions begin to unravel.
You want to jump up, you want to disappear, you want to scream although you do not know what it is you fear.
A feeling of lying in a foxhole, dug up to hide from the enemy. You lay there cowering yet you have no idea just what, who or why you are cowering from.
A shadow casts upon the walls and you cover your face...Shaking, shaking now, are they coming for me?  
Suddenly you see yourself as if watching from an overhead camera. You are invisible and your inner thoughts are easily seen. There is a lone lightbulb hanging on a chain bringing a soft glowing false illumination. You are in a fetal position laying on a cot and your eyes are darting left, right, up and down.
You stand up but you fear your heart will explode, so you cautiously move across the floor. Invisible prison bars hold you captive, invisible emotions are driving you insane as you search for freedom.
A fly is circling around and you can hear it as it takes off and then lands, rubbing its arms together as if ready for a meal. Its in the air now  and flying in disorganized flight patterns. You can hear it clearly and you can see into its bulging eyes as it frantically searches...for what?
Your heart is so fragile and its beating to the rhythm of insanity and you are hot and feel a breeze ever so slight and you begin to feel a sub zero chill and your teeth begin to bury yourself in the covers and then feel the need to run, to run to sense yourself running in a maze only you are still standing still.
The fly is stuck  on a fly ribbon now and I can see its wings attempting to take flight but its no use, its legs cemented into the trap. Still its wings continue to if he will be set free.
The lone light bulb begins to flicker and your heartbeat begins to slow down as you inhale the dusty stale air.
A tidal wave, a tornado, these millions of emotions stop me from moving. The prison bars are coated with oils of anxiety and fear, unable to be grasped, held or pulled apart. Like the fly I am waving my arms searching for help, for salvation, for freedom from this albatross that hangs over me.
Sleep will come and when the sun rises the bars will be open and the day will begin anew. But the scars will remain as souvenirs from a midnight captivity in a prison cell, in a fox hole, in a bed, encircled forever by the emotional demons that have plagued me.
Freddy S Zalta May 2015
As I walk across the midnight streets, aglow from the earlier rainfall, I sense a sudden gust of fresh air coming from the north. I lift up my arms and I spin around, like a madman or a clown in a circus somewhere. I feel elated, I feel free and these feelings feel like an old friend I haven't seen in a decade or so.

The moon casts it shadow across my upright stance as I wait for the several cars to splash on past me, I hear an old tune inside my head, its a Dylan tune about a "Simple Twist of Fate." I think about the giant clock atop the bank on Park Street and I know that fate has not been kind to me or her.

There are no clouds up in the moonlit sky - just stars spread upon the face of heaven and forever.

I feel a sense of sadness and sense of hysteria entwined. I am full of emotional contradictions...passionate liquid running through my veins diluted with gelled indifference.

The moon is being covered by fast moving clouds and I sense the end of something that has yet to begin.

I walk across the park and I am lost...A red rose is pulled across the lane - petals pulled apart perhaps in she loves me, she loves me nots...

Love is forever if not forever love - its an emotion that leaves its impression and never goes away.
Freddy S Zalta Mar 2015
Swirls of fire – smoke is undetected and the deep sleep will go on forever.
Nothing sacred about this – nothing that I can find.
Sinkholes and quicksand where love was, once upon a time.

Swirls of fire and sounds of screams…
the walls closing it and nothing can be seen.

Bearded men in the front, dressed all in black, ladies in wigs sitting in the back.
Prayers are said, in whispers and in screams – searching for answers…
What can this all mean?

Children are lost, confused and asking questions.
Running in circles, grasping at the wind and trying to capture the sun light.
Men huddled speaking softly, what went wrong on that night?
Swirls of fire – smoke undetected but did it have to end this way?

What kind of answer, what kind of reasons can be used to satisfy the ones who question?
Is it the end of the world, is it the time of redemption?

I walk alone, I ponder.
I write some words and I sit and wonder.

I aint looking for no answers or reasons for this.
Just striving for acceptance that this sort of sadness can exist.

Not striving for repentence, not looking to change a thing.
Just living as I always have and hoping for a world without suffering.

I believe, I believe, I believe – what else can I do?
You brought me out of the city and granted me the freedom to live.
You drove away my pain, fed me manna and taught me to forgive.

Those swirls of fire, have taken them away
Eternally children nothing left to say…
Freddy S Zalta Mar 2015
Been punched and knocked down
Been spun right and left and all around
stood up and i looked him right in the eyes
Gonna beat you - Gonna catch you by surprise.
Gonna **** you right here
Gonna shock you, gonna make you disappear.
12th round
Freddy S Zalta Feb 2015
Every ending can be looked at through the eyes of wonder or the eyes of fear. Not to sound like the memes and the positive sayings we always see posted around the social sites - seemingly by desperate people searching for some affirmation that **** happens for a reason. But I truly am a witness to the **** happening and I can tell you that when one door shuts you are slowly led into a room where there are several doors for you to choose from. Nothing needs to be permanent or forever - let your heart lead the way and the door will open for you leading you to another stop on the whirlwind of life. You have it all inside of you and outside of you - never forget that its the surroundings that benefit from your presence.
Freddy S Zalta Feb 2015
There is a frozen lake with a grand piano in the center of it.
There is an older man playing songs from our childhood as we stand around him and sing the words to his music.
The cool breeze is getting cooler and snow is threatening to fall at any second...
But there is soup on the stove and warm couch for us to sit together and lay down.
Drink a glass of wine, raise a glass for all our times.
Smiles, tears, dances and doors slammed.
Children born, parents gone, friends say hello and just as quickly say goodbye...
The old man is tickling the ivory and the ebony keys - songs like brown eyed girl and I guess that's why they call it the blues. He plays Cole Porter and Ira Gershwin tunes too...
We hold hands and I want to take you in my arms and sweep you off your feet, fly away to another world...another time...
But the lake is frozen, the snow is beginning to fall and the soup is on the stove...I can smell it from here...
So say goodbye to the sadness, say goodbye to that old man, playing Fire and Rain...maybe tomorrow we can do this all again.
Not a day goes by
Freddy S Zalta Jan 2015
I am on the Lower East Side of New York City and there is a fire across from where I live. People are crying and there are others shouting orders back and forth. My uncle is there throwing one person after another down the front of the building where they are caught and clear from danger. My brothers and I are admonished by my mother who screams to us in Arabic to get back inside - that its cold too cold to be outside.

"Its not that cold." I say looking at the man sitting beside me.
"No its nice in here." He pats me on the shoulder and then kisses my cheek. "I love you, pop."

I fade away a lot these days and find myself lost and confused. Some times I remember the people around me and sometimes Its on the tip of my tongue. I know that lady, she is the love of my life. I always remember who she is even in the most confusing times.

There is that shaking again, must be headed to Troy or maybe Virginia Beach. I see a young girl and I ask her a question.
"How did you find us?"
"I know where you live so I came to see you." She also leans in a gives me a kiss on the cheek.

I am surrounded by people, I am sure that I love and know but I truly am unsure who each one is. I fake it, singing and smiling and mimicking them making them smile.

I see my son walking towards me...that is...I forget his name...but I know who he is.
"Where are the kids?" I ask him.
"They are coming, they will be here any minute."
"How are you doing? Do you need anything? You can always ask me I know a lot of things and I can give you advice if you need it."
"I know that - I learned more from watching you than I could ever learn anywhere."
"That's baloney." I say to him, I feel a surge of love and concern for him but I am not sure why.

I close my eyes...I am in a hotel in Acapulco waiting on my nephew to come from the airport. He is flying in from Alabama, no, Albany to spend a week here. The bartender asks me a question.
"What room are you in?"

"What room are you in? I am in room 265."
My daughter answers me, "We are home, you are staying in your room and I am staying in my house."
"I am in room 265, are you near us?"
"Yes I am right down the hall."
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