As I descend from the cliff of love
I see stretches of disbelief
Those hearts are empty
Affection only abandons
Numbness of empathy bites
As I walk in the lane of faith
Trust is more hollow
Lonely is the journey
There still will be dawn
Hope that waves will calm
New beginning will rise yet
I will walk again
In the land of love..

I love you when you don't let me get my way.
I love you when you let me feel the pain.
I love you when you let me open my veins.

I love you for letting me walk off the edge.
I love you for every message left unread.
I love you for every word you never said.

I love you for every time you gave up on me.
I love you for when you come crying to me.
I love you for the look you get when you lie to me.

I love you for when you constantly complain.
I love you for playing mind games.
*I love you for driving me insane.

And the thing was
I was falling so hard for you
I had jumped off the cliff
Hoping you would catch me
At the bottom

I wore
Your necklace of hickeys
Around my neck

But once I saw the ground
And realized you weren't there
The necklace turned into a noose
And tightened right before
I hit the ground

My last thought was
How relieved I was you caught me
Even if if wasn't in the way
I wanted

I could stand on the edge of a cliff
where the abyss of endless despair lays below
above the sparks flies of your smile
and the lie you sew about the chance
I'd find on the other side
Then when you pushed me and I jumped off
there was nothing but a dream
yet
I still shouted how much I love you
until it echoes inside your ears

As I stand before the cliff,

I look back and wonder.

As I stop and take a whiff,

I smell fear, hear thunder.



As I stand in swirls of pain,

My head goes blank in sheer grief.

As from clouds pelt loudly rain,

Lightning strikes a moment brief.



As I stand atop the green,

I am drenched in misery.

As I saw the unforeseen,

My head goes fairly dizzy.



As I stand before the cliff,

As far I can I lunge.

As though a rock I'm scared stiff,

Not long before I plunge.

I want so badly to remember,
what it was like to forget about you.
But if you left,
so would I.

Together
tumbling
d
o
w
n
that
cliff
of
sanity.

You just couldn't do it,
And it was unfair of me to ask.
You were never invested
The way I was.
Your free spirit floated
Between relationships,
Swiftly sweeping in shadows,
Like it was haunting hour.
I was locked to you.
And you,
You were looking only to be free.

But still I wanted you.
At that point my body and mind had confused the feeling with need,
But as I was fed heavy doses of maturity
over the years
It was clear that need was not what I had felt
It was desire.

But to you I was latched
I clung to my idea of you
As if I was grasping the side of a sheer cliff.
Fearful that my next movement would take me away
From your face,
Your eyes,
Those lips,
That
Smile.

See it was never devotion I had asked of you.
But still my confused semblance of feelings was,
Hopelessly so.
And, you knew.
In fact, you used it to your advantage.
When you needed a shoulder.
You called me.
When you needed to talk.
You called me
When you needed
Anything
You called
Me.

And so, after you last disaster in love,
As we sat sipping on whatever red wine
You had yet to pour down your throat.
We laughed, and in between chuckles
You told me you,
"loved me"
and asked why there weren't,
"more guys like me."
Misstepping what I believed to be an opening,
I asked why we couldn't...
Why it wouldn't workout...
Between us.
Instantly sobering you.
A feat in itself.

Between stutters, you managed to make your point.
And through a fog of
I love you, but I'm not in love with yous
And the serrated haze of,
I just need you to be my friend right nows.
I knew.
I knew that I would never be unchained.
I knew that things had changed
I knew that I'd always be,
Second place.

When my mother told me that opposites attract
I had not considered
the constant buzz of my brain
and the calm drifting of the clouds.
The sweet blackberry juice
I lick off my hand
and the pain of the scratches on my wrist.
My breath turning into something visible
as I sit upon this cliff
overlooking the vicious waves and
the all encompassing fog.
Rain becoming one with the bay
and the chaos of rabbits and deer and people
searching for shelter.
My mother leaving town
and my father standing on the porch
wondering if he should follow her.

It's almost funny;

I performed one action
Metaphorically
And it made me want
To do the same thing physically;

*I fell off the cliff of despair