I buy a pack every two days,
Thinking today is gonna be my last.
I’m going to quit,
I will.
At least that’s the thought process.

The **** of the cigarette is on my lips,
******* in the chemicals and tabaco.
Nicotine,
A chemical driven to addiction.
An escape for two seconds of inhalation.
The calmness of the chemicals coursing through.

A sweet disgusting escape.
A cancer stick if you will.

Tonight will fill

With the bitterness

Your tragedies spill.


& you hate this.

This endless, lonely night.


Empty minds

With their empty,

Lonely lives.


Some days you will fill

With some old vice.

Though

It will never be enough

To ****.


& the night will always define the daylight.

& empty always defines your heart.


I don't think this will change.

I think you're just built this way.


Tonight will fill

With the darkness

You've started calling home.

Cigarettes will go by the name

"Friend"

& you'll spend your night wondering

Whether any of this

Will ever end.

Was this a lesson?
Meant to teach and hurt.
Well honey I'm confessin'
As I bleed out in the dirt.

Cigarette ashes and daydreams
Is where I've spent my time.
Between growth and extremes
It hits 2am, I hear the chime.

'Awake from this haze,
It's different now
You're having better days.
It's different now.'

Yet I lay on a dirt road
High on petrol fumes
On some kind of turbo mode
As the storm looms.

Blasted by soundwaves.
Sand and grit in my eyes
I glance at shallow graves
Had anyone heard their cries?

What's their story?
Is it like mine?
As complex and stormy?

I speed on past.
An unnatural high
That I seem to outlast.
A relieving sigh,

The cigarette's finished,
The high is still here,
I am no less diminished
In case that wasn't clear.