In a world full of love,
like cold and distant stars
his love burned like a sun, The devil's love.
The devil, she fell in love with, years ago,
The devil, she was waiting for years.
Now he is standing before her,
offering his hand for her to take.
His love will engulf her,
His darkness will consume her, she thought.
For he knew that she does not,
She is light, his light.
And darkness can never overshadow the light.
She stood there with a conflicting mind.
She can take his hand and be with him,
Or, she can reject him and be alone in this cold dark world without him.
The thought of losing him again sent chills to her spine,
She sighed and placed her hand in his.
For she knew, she is his
From the moment he held her in his arms years ago.
She gave him her heart, body, soul.
Losing him means losing herself,
She does not have a choice.
She never had a choice.

I'm numb, i can't feel
I want to feel pain
at least thats an emotion
Tears no longer come
my eyes are dried out

I've lost sleep
I want to feel guilt
that too feels like a stain
I want to scream
an empty echo follows

I question my choices
am i not deserving
All i ask is to feel human
acknowledge my rights
am i seeking too much

Faces of strangers haunt me
It hurts to close my eyes
So i made a choice
To sit and feel
To hold on to anger as fuel
To let go but never forget
I can't stop, won't stop
I chose Confidence.

How can you
blame me when
you made
me this way.
You gave me
free will, and knew
what I would do.
You predestined me
to lose.
I didn't choose
these terrible
wings of destiny;
you did it for me.
I wanted to be
Michael or Gabriel instead
of Lucifer.
I know there needed
to be a war,
and an enemy,
but why me?
I despise this
black soul.

Lasting pain in an everlasting mind
always comes through.
Babbling mouths do not help with the pain,
truth adds salt to the hurting veins.
Blinded by light, my blinded eyes
search for the handle to alter my path.
But it’s almost been snatched away from me.
I have no way out of this unreal reality.
Veering the direction of my pointless life
is what might help me.
The pain I receive remains paralleled to
the pain I give, yet I complain.
I believe I deserve the excruciating chains
that attempt to hold me back.
The pain will last as I live.
But I pick the pain,
and that’s enough for me.

50 years acting defensively,
A shield against the attacks and abuse,
Barbed words, scorn and contempt.
Lashing out inappropriately,
The only path known,
A form of protection
A semblance of normality,
Instead ending up
Disconnected,
Lonely,
Alone.

Now discovering another way to be,
Dragging myself from the enticing
Well-worn familiar slippery path
Of melancholy and self-flagellation,
To flower filled meadows
And babbling brook
And choosing my own way
Through the long sweet grass,
To as yet undreamt
And unimagined,
But long overdue,
Pleasures, delights, and food for the soul.

You lost that look that
Kept me by your door waiting
To see where we'd go

future is people
both scary and so hopeful
do we have a choice