i spent months and months asking myself
why was i not enough for you

was i not thin enough?
was i not pretty enough?
did you want me to change my hair color?
did i laugh too  much?
was my voice too annoying?
were my thighs too big?
was i not smart enough?
was i not domestic enough?
was i not wild enough?
did i not drink enough?
did i not smoke enough?
was i not careless enough?

395 days of me waking up each morning
and having these questions flood my brain
until i fell into bed and everything went black
only when my eyes shut for a few hours
would these questions stop

it has been 395 days of pure hell inside my brain
but i am learning now that it is not that i was not enough
i was too much

i gave you too much love
too much laughter
too much adventure
too much of everything you wanted
that you took complete advantage of

i will be okay

i hope you're happy where ever you are now

I thought about texting you last night to tell you I cheated on you
To tell you I was sorry and it was so wrong of me
To tell you how I cried every night for 4 months because he didn’t even love me back
To tell you I was a heartbreaker and I caused myself just as much distress
To tell you he was not you and it always made me feel sick
To tell you I was just sixteen what did I know about love then?

I thought about texting you last night to tell you I cheated on you
Just so I could feel some kind of emotion from you at all
Just so I could see if you even thought about me still
Just so I could try to validate what I am feeling now
Just so I could clench my fists onto the thought that maybe we could work it out
Just so I could try to feel anything again in these cold and lonely apartment walls

Each note
Rang into my brain
Making everything feel
B l u r r y
Each song you played
Meant more in the words you sang
So I listened
Knowing they were sang for a girl
Who wasn't
M e

A forgotten piece
Memories of his
Like honey so sweet
But became a cheat

With his charming voice
Made infinite promises
He left me with no choice
Now he regrets and misses

Another ring, another miss call
Looks like you got cheated
How does it feel to fall?
When same way you get treated

You took for granted
My love and care
Boy...you are so unwanted
Don't you even dare

What you do unto others
Others would do unto you
Karma rocks, as such my dear
I've become deaf, I cannot hear

So stop wasting my time
Fetch for another chick
It's not a vigorous crime
But make sure it's your last pick...


©sim

eenie, meenie, miney...
no -
but do you ever feel like yes?
like it probably wasn't your time
to be with him?
but what if you could
make it your time?
like if somehow we could go back
to the very moment you ruined
everything that you had good
going for you
like maybe if that guy would just
hear you out one last time
as if you havent been
begging for my forgiveness
for months
i can pinpoint the exact time
when my world went topsy turvy
and all you forced to do is
live with the consequences of stupid decisions
you made that one night...

the one night that
put out the glow
that beamed from your
soil-colored eyes

that night that deemed your once
textured locks of curled hair into
a mess of your own tangled regret
that took control over my anxiety

that night i "over reacted"
i remember that night so well; better than i care to admit.
i remember crying into the shoulder of the university
t-shirt i gave you,
and knowing that was the last time i would ever
      be
         close
             enough
                  to
                     smell
                         you
eenie, meenie, miney, mo
you're it

You’ve never grown up
You’re just a big kid
But only big on the outside.
To you, life’s a game
And we’re all just the same
We’re along for your crazy ride.

No use in sighing
After all your lying
Don’t come crying to me.
It’s almost gotten
That you’re so rotten
It will be a lot of fun to see.

The way you play around
You’ve never left the playground
But you still steal the money and chalk.
You want things your way
And every single day
And if you don’t get it, you walk.

No use in sighing
After all your lying
Don’t come crying to me.
It’s almost gotten
That you’re so rotten
It will be a lot of fun to see.

Fix things for yourself
And lean on someone else
I have learned all about your rules.
You cheat and you steal
Because none of us is real
And you think all of us are fools.