late night, sun rising
guess i haven't slept again
a crisp morning dew

fall's hushed announcement
a gracious breeze heaves warm hues
then settles again

it might rain today
perhaps the perfect soundtrack
deep sleep through my woes

Today I looked in the eyes of death.
My heart stoped for a bit of secend,
my eyes dropped for a spill of minutes.
I was dead inside with this boy dead outside.  
I was a mother who lost a child,
I was a father who lost a son.
I was a sister, a brother and a friend,
everyone who once believed.
This is how it ends.
Eventiually we all lose in our own game.

time is the true criminal
occupying spaces liminal
stealing me away in scraps
hours shared become a trap
changing bodies with seasons
wrinkles forming without reason
I see time when I look in the mirror
every day it draws itself nearer
the softness gone and replaced
features of youth now erased
I can't recognize the edges and lines
every new spot is another sign
the dark circles with blackened eyes
all the features I had memorized
gone, gone, gone
at the end of my dawn

Beneath the paleness of the autumn sky,
The tired ground takes respite from the heat,
Life departs with green of leaves fallen dry,
Barren and ready for growth to repeat.

Cold wind crackles against the branches bare,
And mornings now too quickly greet the night,
While the birds and butterflies disappear,
Warm raindrop kisses wet with chilling bite.

The weight of the gray air wilts the flowers.
Have pastels washed away for evermore?
Weary nature calls upon its powers
And from its weakest point starts to restore.

I shield my eyes in refuge from the cold,
Imagining the life there is to mourn.
Then I’ll recall the lesson nature told.
You need a little death to be reborn.

the light in my heart flickered and died
a punishment for hubris to gods I've defied
the stars refused to shine in the sky
I saw the earth beneath me liquefy

the water as still as a painting hung
I felt blood and salt coat my lungs
every day I floated lifeless through
from friends and family, I withdrew

no wind, no air, world is empty and black
I begged that forces would take my life back
I waited for the powers to strike me down
crush me, smite me, watch me drown

the worst fate of all is that I remained
and try as I might, you kept me chained
you cut me open to watch me bleed
ignored all of my wants and needs

without wind in my sail, unable to leave
that's when I met him - my reprieve
whose tongue was made of platinum and lace
whose heart was filled with beauty and grace

a golden god who lit my heart ablaze
who showed me tenderness always
for him, I realize I must become better
for him, I write every single letter

because now my heart beats for his touch alone
his light is the one I still feel in my bones
I remember his voice saying he loved me like mad
I'd give up forever for the moments we had

it was raining
but only in my head
everything was gray
everything was like an autumn

summer is gone
today was his last day
met an old friend
nothing changes and goes

played piano
quietly and almost silently
I looked at the sea
it merged with the sky

31.08.18

nothing's instantaneous
temperance a requirement
change forever targeted
til self becomes fragmented

heart an aqueous soluble
erstwhile deliquescent
puddled into pulp
taken out like trash

fitting for an adversary
malicious and malevolent
destructive to the starling
plucked and plunged to sea

so drown to suffocation
laudable attempts at termination
inundate your consciousness
using barrages of indifference

convinced affection's unattainable
death deserted and companionless
auspicious in my loneliness
asphyxiate to expiration