Sometimes I wonder if anything has sense.
I don’t feel like it does.
I wear so many bruises and so many scares.
What if my cross is too heavy and my back will break at some point. Will I jump when I will be standing at the edge of my life.
Will I step up to the occasion and make my final decision.
It’s hard when you ask me.
But you don’t.
You don’t care, just talking about yourself, with your head underground, just ******* on your own kind with your sneaky little voice. Have my nails to hurt my skin to not think about the words that are cutting more than sword and leave my mind in a deeper hole,
with no sun and no wind, no clear sky to look upon and just hard ground to fall upon. Little voices in my mind telling me that those weren’t lies, try convince my little head to destroy what I’ve create, try convince my little heart that is time for the last jump.
I don't feel like living anymore. I'm scared that one day I will not be able to stop myself and I will just end this. I'm just so tired.
Future me, if you're reading this - I hope you have survived.
I don’t remember their faces
That’s why their photos are hanging on my wall
My dad is saying that I should stop living the past
But I’m more scared of forgetting then of letting them go
I can recall three memories beside the funeral and the day they disappeared
None of it is the important one
Who am I to just accept the reality when I feel empty every thought of them
Thanks God for photographs, otherwise I would remember only the names of people who made me who I am today.
Well I’ve made a few mistakes,
Got myself in to some ****** mess,
Now I’m paying what I should pay,
And I’m waiting for my last day.
You would have thought that I am brave, And that I can stand when the world collapse,
Then I’m a perfect person to tell you that,
I am lying on the ground,
With a bomb grown into my side.
People were always saying that I am so strong and happy no matter what, well my reality is quite different.
I’m trying, I’m really trying.
Sleepless nights, deadly days
Counting hours, counting days.
They like to watch me rise
To see hope in my eyes
And then slowly crash it, **** it
To watch me fell under the ice
Watch me freeze
And all it's left is empty body
Without dreams and without me.
Today I looked in the eyes of death.
My heart stoped for a bit of secend,
my eyes dropped for a spill of minutes.
I was dead inside with this boy dead outside.
I was a mother who lost a child,
I was a father who lost a son.
I was a sister, a brother and a friend,
everyone who once believed.
This is how it ends.
Eventiually we all lose in our own game.
How bad I would like to know what he thinks.
How bad I would like to know what he wants.
I'm tired of games.
I just want to have fun.
Just for a couple of those days I want to have fun, forget about all of my worries.
I want Him to help me forget, and later forget about Him
I'm crying inside.
Sitting on the Saturday service,
listening about God's love and planning to get drunk in the evening.
The high of this world is too big to fight with it.
I don't know what is right or wrong anymore.
God help me.
It's between being me and being someone who I don't recognize anymore.