I don't talk about my problems because I don't want my problems to become yours.
I don't want you to adopt my destructive habits and thoughts. The way I avoid questions and disguise bad situations.
I don't talk about the things I have had to experience, not because I don't want you to know those things about me, but because I know that they will change you. In some way. Maybe they will change the way you see me, the way you treat me, or maybe even the way you see the rest of the world and yourself.
I don't want to tell you every detail about my relations with men because I don't want you to fear them as well.
I don't want to tell you about the harassment and torture I endured throughout the years because I don't want to reveal the things that hurt me.
I don't want to tell you about my eating disorders and the way I think because I don't want to give you an instruction manual on ******* yourself.

I avoid becoming too personal with people because it makes me vulnerable. I do not favor being used.

I get irrationally angry when I see that my friends are going through the same problems as me. Maybe it is because I care about them, or it could be because I am jealous. I honestly don't know.

I feel like I am doing a lot and not enough at the same time, and I hate myself for it. I punish myself with restless nights of crying and bleeding, torture myself with challenges against successful people, push myself to the brink of pain and defeat because I know I am cable of being successful. So why do I not just do more?

The crisp air pressed to the breast of that dewy morn',
A piercing of the skin by the rosiest of thorns.
Thorn to skin, blood to air,
A soft ebbing of life from its lair.

Venous roads and capillarous tunnels,
A captured path in which life is shuttled.
That ****** thorn that interrupts its flow,
Allows life to meet that soft morning's glow.

I am a small boat in a big ocean, all alone tugging along a wrecked ship...

Nights pass with heavy loads and day breaks with hardwork, yet I tug alone my wrecked ship...

Many storms come along, with tide so swift that I nearly lose my grip on my wrecked ship, lightening so bright and thunder roars gives me shivers of doubt that I might not make to the shore with my wrecked ship...

With a high aim and certainty, I tug along with my wrecked ship...

Days go by and I still see no land, will I be able to safely shore my wrecked ship...

Sometimes I see land but my sight has gone so blurry that even reality passes my sight...

Thinking I was taking the right path to the shore but the waves sway me in all directions, it's hard to tell which direction I am in now...

It's a big ocean and am all alone tugging my wrecked ship...


©sim

Got high on drugs
Drunk on the bub
Depression was a test
A man left for dead
I didn't think I would
Get back up again

Take a look
I am still here
I am still living
With all, I've been through
You bet it was a mission
But I've cleaned up
straightened out my life
Never could have made it
Without you in my life

Was left in debt
A bankrupt man
People saying he's crazy
How could he make it
Back to his feet again
the road was long
and the climb was steep
I was determined
To make it to my feet

Take a look
I am still here
I am still living
With all, I've been through
You bet it was a mission
But I've cleaned up
straightened out my life
Never could have made it
Without you in my life

Girls gave me hell
Never good enough for them
They wanted everything
but me in the end
Thank god I didn't marry
Thank god I didn't stray
But I lost my stride
the fall had broken my pride

Take a look
I am still here
I am still living
With all, I've been through
You bet it was a mission
But I've cleaned up
straightened out my life
Never could have made it
Without you in my life

I am still here
And I am still living
The scars dig deep
But I'm still breathing
I am still here
And I am still living

©2018 Written By Benji James

Lord, sometimes I get discouraged and I start to question why
Especially when things don’t work out no matter how hard I try.
When the words won’t come and the thoughts don’t flow,
When minutes feel like hours and time moves painfully slow
When I am challenged, you use these moments to teach.
I know you are here even though you feel out of reach.
Lord, I trust that my being with you is good enough:
You take my awkward feeble attempt and edges rough
You make it something beautiful and polish it to shine.
Even in our brokenness, you are still divine.
Lord, help me when I feel that what I give is not enough
You love me when life is good and when times are tough.
My worth isn’t measured by what I can or cannot do,
My worth is measured by who I am to you:
Cherished, and beloved until the end of days.
Often you work in mysterious ways
But I trust you Lord, even though I don’t always see
At least not right away, the lessons you are teaching me.
So, in the challenges Lord, I thank you; I bless your Holy Name
And I pray that every day, you help me do the same.

Amen

Yesterday

Mixing potions of drifted emotions which strayed away in all the commotion.
Usually I stayed away, but today that door had to open!

With a bit of devotion, it finally gave... just to reveal the thought of escape,
I couldn't help but feel exhausted, afraid, anticipating any thought of what could await.

Disaster strikes!
In the form of loss, the loss of yesterday!
While the children play the sky turns grey, and all is lost... for today.

By early morn the next day, the sky turned bright.
And it arrived as no surprise, we know our Star marks the start of each day.
Though amidst the turn of clocks, we forget of yesterday;
To that I say: you should never let a day away.
And never bet on any way that you may have set up yesterday...

Life is water.
It may flow, it may crash.
But life negotiates any obstacle; death is it's only match.

In this life, we use "what was" to establish "what is", and we attempt to become what we should be.
However, rather than what we've been told we should be, look at what we could be!
Not merely a product of yesterday; because every morning, with our Sun, we are born again!
So just as our Star marks the start of each day, so too we mark the day...
But remember, we mark it only after yesterday.

Fourteen years old,
Story untold
I fell in love with Charlie,
And he nerded
As never before

I still make coffee
For two,
Watching quietly
From every door frame
Grumpy olf soundman---
Needs to love too,
Strange namr,
Transparent shame,
Instant fame

Sold belongings
Become Itinerant
Poetry librarian,
Semi colons;
I use them to excess
Supported the sublime
With uncurbed---
Enthusiasms

Changing mind postponed
Demise by decades,
Later-life serendipity
Led to Authorland

I was born some assembly
Required,
Anything's possible with---
An extension cord
Cried,
Defied, denied,
Sighed,
Died,
Reapplied,
Mistakenly kills kitten,
Fears anything delicate

When you're in over your head and start questioning whether you're actually capable of what you're trying to do, just remember:

Success isn't getting things right the first time (though it's wonderful when it happens)

Success is persevering until you get it right. Stop rushing life, and stop pushing yourself too hard, just take things slow, try and learn.

Exams are daunting, but they're a counterproductive way meant to get you to learn. So breathe, actually do your best, and if you don't get the result you're hoping for, try again. Part of life is facing and overcoming challenges. Good luck.

Just because the climb
is insufferable and taxing,
does not mean
the summit is bountiful
and rich.
Sometimes the summit
is just the peak
of realization,
that there are many more challenges to scale.