If you see I need help,
Don’t ask me
Just help me

If you see I’m sad
Don’t ask me
Just hug me

If you see I’m tired
Don’t ask me
Just stay by my side

If you know I love you
Don’t ignore me
Just love me back

The colors in my dreams are true to life
So much so that I'd rather not dream

My pillows aren't right
One side too fluffy
The other too flat
Flip it.
Switch it.
Bunch it.
Theres no use to it.
Maybe,
It's time
To change
Pillows
After all.

Do we love pain?
Do we invite sadness into our lives because happiness can become so mundane.
Is the  existence of struggle embedded into our DNA just so we can feed our narcissistic urge to feel validated for our accomplishments as meaningless as they are because in the end we all die..

Both legs under the covers
Nope, it's too hot.

Neither leg under the covers
Nope, it's too cold

One leg out of the covers and hanging over the side of the bed
Perfect
But the demon
In the shadows hiding,
Will get you
And pull you under
And eat you

Guilt of lack of sleep
makes me decide to go to bed early,

Guilt of lack of accomplishments
makes me unable to sleep thinking about it,

Guilt of sleeping in and time wasted
makes me put 3 alarms at 6:01 am, 6:02 am, and 6:05 am,

Guilt of my emotions eating me up,
makes me unable to get up even when Im wide awake,

It turns out that guilt is the only thing I accomplish, allow to eat my day up, and yet can't decide on lacking.

Burn the barn with the red wooden doors
Pour gasoline on the warm cedar floors
Your eyes alit against orange smoke skies
You warn me of my own demise

We watch it together, collapse and unbecome
Neither a death nor a beginning and none
A moment witnessed by death and I alone
From the flames, I cast the first stone

I blame death for all done and said
Death reminds me I too will wake dead
So I beg it to leave me to the fire
Plead that it's my time to expire

But death carries me outside once more
Tells me it will soon even the score
Not today nor tomorrow and yet
My heart stopping, a sure-fire bet

Death leaves me to deal with the flames
Find a way to work through the pain
As if heart or home could be rebuilt
As if I could forgive my own guilt

Night after night I sleep under the stars
Watch my old wounds become scars
Slowly I build a new red door and four walls
While listening to death whisper and call

Though I keep living with all these regrets
Waiting for my sun to eventually set
From old barn ashes sprouts emerge
Tiny seedlings through dirt surge

I'll watch poppies and lilies bloom
Keep working by merely light of the moon
Until I'm rebuilt and once again new
Order is brought to what was once askew

And though death seems to always draw near
I decide to abandon my fear
Even in times I'm lonely, sad or asunder
I'll take the rain, and keep the thunder

When the Sun Sleeps (Rondeau)

When the sun sleeps, I close my eyes.
Yet little to my surprise,
my body will not rest, it seems.
And my mind refuses to dream,
no matter how hard I try.

As the moon continues to rise,
bright stars smile down from the skies,
twinkling with a happy gleam,
when the sun sleeps.

Every night, I am mesmerized
when every star does harmonize
to a singular song per diem.
Captivated by every beam,
every star I memorize,
when the sun sleeps.