Death stared at me from the same recliner she always did.
Her veins wrapped around her legs like spider webs.
She poured pepper on her perogies and commentated for the TV,
“No whammy, no whammy, no whammy, Stop.”
I was too busy making plans on my phone.
“Isn’t this nice?”

Yes grandma

She used to clean her Catholic church on Saturdays.
I’d bring my toys she got me from McDonald's
and ran my race cars through the ramps filled with holy water.
She’d lay arms stretched before the alters and I’d follow suit,
but only in play. Our devotion was not the same.
“You make me so proud, my little Christian.”

Yes grandma

I’d spend nights for what must of been months,
because she lived in town where the parties were.
I was chasing tail, drugs and alcohol.
We’d both pretend she had no idea at all.
Our best conversation following a night of glassy eyes.
What we said I can’t recall.

Soon enough the pattern fell as I finished high school.
I moved away and walked new halls, an undergraduate.
It was in those halls my phone cried out and I soon after.
I drove new roads my eyes a flowing well.
We waited outside her room in vain.
I would not get see her that day.

I made a point to see her once she returned home.
She now sunk where her rear was once plump.
Her skin sagged relieved from the pressure.
Fluid dripped out her lungs the color of Pepto Bismol,
and they missed every second breath.
Yet, she was beaming, “Look how skinny I am.”

Yes grandma

I’d only see her once more, after another trip.
She slept in that same recliner as the TV played.
Wispy white hair, thin pressed lips and tired eyes.
Her head hung against her chest and I hid mine.
My sister asked if I’d like to wake her just to say hi.
I considered it, but thought better.

“No, I'll catch her next time.”

Our eyes heavy falling asleep
Crying when we should be asleep
Can anyone tell me why
We're laying on the bed barely breathing
They walk on in closing the door
Scream to the gods above us
Scream to the gods below us
It eats away at our soul
It rots away at our bones
Holding onto what's left
Giving up screaming with all of our might
It eats away at our soul
It rots away at our bones
Can anyone tell me why
We're laying on the bed barely breathing
The darkness found its way in
We finally found our way out...

You drink
You drive
And ruthlessly try
To have a good time

Down slicken oil streets
Pavement like a pistol
To my temple, meets

The cure to my cancer
And the answer
To my every problem

We believed in our own sorrows, and drunk the last sip of relief until the reigns were lost in the forest.
Now, we are deserted to the realm of the ocean’s abyss, left to kiss the lotion smoothing the desert on my skin.
I abandoned all hope, including the ship in the saving grace of preventing my loss of a superficial fantasy.
Shackled, left to roam freely in our thoughts, breathing for freedom is impossible in the last stages of cancer.

When my body gives in to cells eating away my life, I too, will say goodbye to my long-standing dreams that were aboard.

When I found out you had cancer,
I was angry. Livid. Scared.
Although they gave you eighteen months,
It's nothing when compared.

No time would ever be enough,
To say our last goodbyes,
But Covid-19 took away,
The chance before you died.

You lived beyond those eighteen months,
You were stronger than us all!
You fought so hard with all you had,
But we reached your final call.

I miss you more than words can say,
Forever now apart,
Just knowing we won't speak again,
Weighs heavy on my heart.

Fly happy, with the angels, love
I'll miss you more, dear friend,
Until we meet at heavens doors,
On my memories, I'll depend

RIP ♡