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Geanna Jun 2018
Do you know it feels to look
in the mirror and be
disgusted with what you see?
To always think you're a fat pig

Do you know how it feels to starve?
To feel your body eat itself
To hear your stomach
beg you for food

Do you know how it feels to
constantly work out?
To continue even if you're tired
and start crying

Do you know how it feels to force
yourself to *****?
To re-taste every meal and
have it all come rushing back out
To clean your ***** off of the toilet

If not, then congrats
You don't have Body Dysmorphia, Anorexia nor Bulimia

If so, then i'm truly sorry
just know that you're not alone
Things will eventually get better, I promise
~ G.P.O
I made this a bit over a year ago. I added the very last part
Belle Jun 2018
don't tell me it's going to be okay
when all i've eaten today was my own fingernails and a smoothie
but i want that ******* cupcake---
when i eat it though i dont even enjoy it, i force myself into hating treats so that i dont win.
so i take a bite and i just want to cry
don't tell me it's going to be okay
when no other treatment center will accept me anymore
and my insurance barely covers me because they're so fed up
i've left AMA twice and have been kicked out three times
now it seems im about to go to my seventh round of residential and people are saying i have control over it
"the eating disorder is not a separate entity" they say
then why do i want to eat but i'm literally being forced not to
then why do i want to say sorry to everyone i've hurt and every person i said "im not eating" to that has just wanted to help me, but the eating disorder tells me to focus on myself
then i must be the dissappointment,
then i must be a ****** person
don't tell me it's going to be okay
when i want to go home and just be with my mom
when i'm scared my dog is starting to like my mom more than me and it makes me want to crumble in agony everytime he follows her and not me, and won't sleep on my bed anymore any time im home. because all ive done to him was leave him for treatment
i understand if he hates me
don't tell me it's going to be okay
if all i want to do is isolate
and nap
and cry
and cut everyone out of my life,
even the ones i love dearest
dont tell me it's going to be okay
when i see my weight go up not even a pound
and i want to rip my skin off
and throw myself in front of a moving vehicle
not quite die but feel the pain i believe i deserve after gaining
don't tell me it's going to be okay
when i THRIVE off the look people give me when i say i havent eaten all day
or have thoughts of harming myself
and everytime someone says "gee you look sick"
i feel like im doing something right
don't tell me it's going to be okay
when i couldnt even get through a semester of college
without nearly dying
and am supposed to be going into my junior year but i've only got enough credits to be a first semester freshman
im a failure in all aspects
don't tell me it's going to be okay
because it wont be.
Ellie Grace Jun 2018
I had no right to make you watch
whilst i toyed with my life
pushing the boundaries
desperately searching for an escape from
this confining skin

Making you watch me bleed yet refusing help
denying any wrong
taking no responsibility for the consequences of my actions

You unknowingly became a part of my game
without consent i latched onto you
dragging you down

Asking questions that had no right answer
blaming you for my thoughts
pleading for answers that you never held

I expected some outward force to save me
not recognising that i held the answers within
i possessed the antidote from the beginning
i was simply unwilling to use it
julianna May 2018
What would you do if you saw a girl spending pennies and pearls on food?
She gobbles it up and then she barfs, which she thinks makes her feel good.
Later that night, with her conscious she'll fight as the guilt eats her for lunch
But she'll never tell of the story where of she went to after brunch.
Laura May 2018
Sometimes
I just want to die

not really,
but really

I'm just wanting an escape.
Wanting to leave this place
Leave the people
Leave the stress

I don't want any of it
Don't need anybody
just one
that's it

But I couldn't take him with me
He deserves better

I don't have any friends.
Don't get along with my parents.

I feel alone.
So just let me do it.
Let me go.

My wrists are already scarred.
My cheeks are already tear-streaked.
My will is already almost gone.
So just let me go.
Laura May 2018
It was a bad night last night
My tear stained cheeks
and sliced up wrists
can vouch.
I never know what I'm thinking anymore...
Or why.
I just know that I am.

It's scary,
You know...
Being like this.
I get scared,
and other people get scared.
More often than not,
I can't control these thoughts...
These protruding and unwelcome thoughts
but I don't know what to do.
I never know what to do anymore.
I just know that I've had a lot of bad nights lately.
A lot of them.
But I don't know what to do.
Moni May 2018
There are no words that I can describe my pain,
Besides fear, sheer helplessness
And bottled up pain and guilt
That was eating away at my soul
Until I couldn't bear it anymore.
Control slips through my fingers
Like grains of sand.
I tried to fight,
I really tried
Lying to myself that it was fine,
I couldn't let myself believe I was worth anything
So I ran to the bathroom scratching my throat
Regurgitating the pride I had once swallowed.
And a lump of coal I tried to hide
Trigger warning
Haylin May 2018
when did fine come to mean depressed, anxious, scared, suicidal, desperate, self-conscious?
when did we start to lie?

"I'm fine," she says, as her stomach gnaws away at her insides, growling for food

"I'm fine," he says, as he pulls the sleeves of his sweater down over his blood-stained wrists

"I'm fine," she says, after purging all of her dinner

"I'm fine," he says, when the anxiety gets so bad that he can't breathe right

"I'm fine," they say, as they write their last goodbye,
one last lie.
Her May 2018
the cage of
my own making
made up of bones
and my own self hatred
has combusted at
the first touch of
self love

my bones dissolved
as the love poured
over them
the self hatred oozed
from the cracks
and escaped my body
never to be seen again

for the first time in years
peace flooded my brain
finally all that was left

was
just
m e
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