You call my name
with a tongue sharpened by hope,
your smile refusing to fade
leaving traces wherever you wander.

I collapse to my knees,
the weight of my shoulders
crushing the marrow of me,
yet you remain,
hands steady,
offering a tomorrow
I never dared to touch.

You hold a mirror to my soul,
banishing the shadows
that fasten themselves
to every doubt I carry.
You never ask for anything
but the fragile currency of my time.

How could your birth carve
such a fault line through me?
I am nothing but scars,
echoes of yesterday
repeated until they bleed.

How can I accept your smile,
when I see myself as waste,
a husk,
a ruin?

Yet still,
you gather my yesterdays
and pledge them back to me,
remade,
as though even broken things
can be worthy of light.

The world needs fixing
That much is true
But we can still make it heal
Let's just start with glue

Split it down the middle
Spew the venom 'round the side
It's not perfect, but it'll function
Maybe we're all a little broken inside

thirty years yet still
figuring out myself, I
relish in my strengths and
yet, I cannot face my
failings. when I look inside
the mirror, who do I see?

i'm a self destructive girl

prepared for you to leave,
my deepest insecurity, but
anymore than I can stop time
from pressing on, I cannot
stop the bomb from
ticking.

I saw you at the coffee shop today
Standing where we used to meet
You looked right through me in that certain way
Like I was just another face on the street

And for a second I wanted to wave
Say something about how I’ve been
But then I realized what I had to save
Was the stranger I’ve become within

You knew me when I’d text you back too fast
When I’d save every song you’d play
The version of me that thought we’d last
Who’d wait around for you all day

But that person couldn’t make it through
So I taught him how to disappear
Learned to sleep when no one’s calling you
And stopped expecting you to reappear

Now I drink different coffee, take new streets
Wear clothes you’ve never seen before
The person standing here who never speaks
Is someone you don’t recognize anymore

I want to say thank you.
If you didn’t leave me, I wouldn’t be here now.
But I don't know if I can mean it.
Some said you did your best, but did you really?
You could’ve stopped the drugs, gone to rehab
But did you? No you did not.
I try not to be angry with you, but you made it difficult
I know you say you changed, but you’ve said that before.
I can’t help but be angry
You left me and I thought I forgave you, but maybe I truly can't.
I do love you but i dont know if I can call you my father…
Chris has been more of a dad to me in these 4 years than you were for most of my life.
I know, we had good years, but we had more bad.
You were my best friend, but I wasn’t yours.
I know you loved me but you had a horrible way of showing it.
You made me feel undervalued and unappreciated.
Even when you get out, I might have to say bye for a while.
I thought I could see you again, but I’ve worked so hard for myself.
Seeing you will make me go backwards again.
It’ll bring back all the memories
I know the effect it’ll have on me
The effect it will have on those around me.
If I see you again, I’ll start being angry at home.
I can't explain it but I know it’ll happen.
I might get depressed, and I can’t afford to do that again.
Every time you left me, it got easier to say goodbye.
I couldn’t physically cry after a while.
I was left to comfort your ex while she balled her eyes out and used your drugs.
I wish I could forgive you
I wish I could thank you,
But I can’t mean it.