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I call you up to hear your voice                                                            ­                                                  
I know it's lame; I have no choice                                                    
   Now what am I supposed to do?                                                              ­                                              
   It's all that I have left of you                                                              ­                                                   
 I know that it has been years                                                            ­                                                  
  But despite crying many tears                                                            ­                                                  
  They've never stopped or healed                                                           ­                                           
  My broken heart & how it feels                                                            ­                                                  
  Since the day you didn't come home                                                             ­                                                
  I 've left your voicemail on the phone                                                            ­                                                                 ­       
Your things are how they were left                                                             ­                                                     
I haven't changed anything yet                                                              ­                                                   
    I just can't bring myself around                                                           ­                                               
 To the fact that you're in the ground                                                           ­                                       
Because I can feel you here with me                                                               ­                                              
 Exactly where I need you to be                                                               ­                                                     
   I have all the pictures you made                                                             ­                                                 
Been on the frig since second grade                                                            ­                                                  
   It's like you never went away                                                             ­                                           
  And I need it to stay that way                                                              ­                                         
 Your clothing still smells like you                                                              ­                                                   
I can't even clean your room                                                             ­                                                 
    I open the window each day                                                              ­                                               
 So, you can come in & play                                                             ­                                                 
  I still long to see your face                                                             ­                                                  
 I wish I could take your place                                                            ­                                              
  So young & carefree of heart                                                            ­                                                
Your passing tore me apart                                                            ­                                                
                                                                ­                                                    
It's something I can't accept                                                                      ­                                         Perhaps until my own death
I wrote this for my sister, when her 14-yr old daughter passed away.
I was the candle—slow to die,
dripping warmth while you passed by.
Each flicker fed your cold disguise,
your smile a moon behind closed skies.

I poured myself, a quiet stream,
into the vessel of your dream.
While I carved altars from my skin,
you cast your net to pull them in.

Your words were velvet dipped in steel,
a soft deceit I couldn't feel—
not until the silence grew
roots where blossoms never knew.

You held me not with touch, but tether,
a maybe laced in fair-weather.
I danced in rooms I thought were ours,
while you were planting foreign flowers.

You didn’t break me with your no—
it was your wait, your whispered go.
The little looks, the secret sighs,
the way you watched the open skies.

You smiled as though your soul had stayed,
but all the while, you had gently fade.
A ghost still warm, still holding hands,
while building castles in other lands.

And when the truth came crashing in—
not sharp, but slow beneath the skin—
I saw I had been the hook you had laid,
baited bright, then cast away.

Oh, karma walks in bare, soft feet,
but leaves a trail no one can cheat.
She takes her time, she doesn’t shout,
but turns your games inside out.

So when your glass house meets the stone,
and all your masks are overthrown—
remember me, the flame you drained,
the love you used but never named.

Yet I—
I rise from ash and bitter song,
the fire was mine all along.
No longer bait. No longer chained.
A storm unhooked. A soul unfeigned.
I know I was drawn to coming here                                                             ­                                               
to a dark room with a mind to
clear                                                            ­                                                  
                                                                ­                                                      
I need some time to think about me                                                               ­                                            
                                                                 ­                                              
And find out what my life needs to be                                                               ­                                                          
 I have a habit of blaming myself                                                           ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                             
    Give all my love to everyone else                                                             ­                                                
   So, what I have been repressing                                                                  ­                                                
Has bubbled up & effervescing                                                     ­                                         
A hard battle that I have to win                                                              ­                  
                                                                ­                                                  
   Am I worthy of self-forgiving?                                                                     ­                                                 
    It's time to let all the past go   
                                                                ­                                               
Less ebb & much more flow
You have taught me how to hate    
                                                                 ­                                                
You have yourself to congratulate                                                                    ­                         
 You showed me what would be my fate                                                                    ­                                           
 and it was more than I could take                                                                    ­                                                   
  I still gave you everything I had                                                                          ­                                                
 You left me holding an empty bag                                                                          ­                                              
 Now you have dug your own grave                                                                       ­                                                      
I hope when you crawl in, it caves                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                        
I have since removed my heart                                                                 
   You'll never get another part                                                                      ­                                         
   It is time you feel the loss                                                                              ­                             
   Miss all the love you've lost                                                             
                                                                ­                                             
 When you realize that you were wrong,                                                                    ­                                        
  I will already be long gone                                                                                                       ­  
And all the hate you showed to me                                                                      ­                                                 
Will come back on you times three
Eme Apr 9
It broke me in silence
To know he wasn’t aware
To pretend and lie to me
That I wasn’t truly loved
That he used me
That everything I felt was true
I was gaslit
I was duty
It was conditional
It was all a performance
He gave me crumbs to keeps me hoping
Words became empty
Because the actions weren’t there

Awakening to the reality
Of what was really happening
Broke me
And still I hoped he would change
I thought his patience meant he cared
It was to keep me quiet as he did what he wanted
He said why can’t I accept him as he is
I said I can’t betray myself anymore
You left when I needed you most                                                             ­                                        
   When I was desperate & needed hope                                                             ­                                               
You didn't think that I could cope                                                                   ­                                                 
But I made it & cut those ropes                                                            ­                                        
  Now that you see that I'm free                                                             ­                                                   
You suddenly still love me                                                                       ­                                               
Now who's desperate & pathetic                                                                       ­                            
  How does it feel to be rejected?                                                                        ­                                                 
  I'll do the best that you did for me.                                                                            ­                                                     
It doesn't take much to give nothing.
I don't love you, nor you me                                                               ­                                               
   We are fused together in misery                                                           ­                                       
   Once hidden from visibility                                                       ­                                         
Now we radiate hostility                                                        ­                                            
    No more I love You's are said,                                                            ­                                                
Insults get hurled instead                                                                          ­                                            
 Back-to-back we lay in bed                                                              ­                                    
 Wishing that the other was dead                                                             ­                                               
                                                                ­                                                      
A volcano ready to erupt                                                            ­                    
                                                                ­                                                  
Yet nothing left between us                                                                     ­                                            
  Makes me wonder if there ever was                                                                                                      
Except the hate I always got                                                                   ­    
It's sick, it's sad, it hurts so much                                                                      ­                                
 That I chose to hate over love
I have been spiraling down                                                                    ­                                 
Clawing at the muddy ground                                                           ­                                                              
 I pull myself up just to sink         
                                                                              ­                              
Always hanging on the brink                                                                       ­                                                    
  If I'd call for help, who'd hear                                                                     ­                                                  
  I'm all alone & my minds unclear                                                                     ­                                                    
 I scream in silence, so it seems                                                                    ­                                              
Haunted every night by dreams                                                                      ­                                                
   What is real & what is not                                                                        ­  
My pulse races, nerves are taut                                                             ­                                          
                                                                                                              
White knuckling through this life                                                             ­                                                                 ­                      
  Filled with pain, the future's blight                                                           ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                      
I am a human stain bleeding out                                                              ­                                              
                                                                ­                                                 
 No tunnel light, just doubt                                                                     ­                                                     
I 'm dead inside & life is hell                                                                      ­                                                 
This is the hand I have been dealt
In broken pieces my soul stays lost,
Sounds of pain, no matter the cost.
A heart once full is now torn to bare,
Silent cries fill the empty air.

Dreams are broken and lost in the night,
Haunted by darkness which is not in sight.
A soul wronged and looking to heal,
But the wounds seem too hard to feel.

Whispers of hope is my song so far,
Trying to mend the scars we are.
Through the cracks, light starts to show,
A broken heart finds strength to grow.

By
Sanji-Paul Arvind
Hawley Anne Apr 8
I wonder if I could be blamed
for what my choice might be.
Between a man and a bear
and which one I would think may fight fair.

See I'm not to sure I'd need to give it much thought,
I think I'd choose the bear.
Because at least I'd know what came next,
no one expects a bear to fight fair.

A bear would not lie to me,
or first make me fall in love.
And bear would not get me wondering if I were truly nuts.

A bear might rip me limb from limb
but at least when it was done
The bear would not sit there and claim,
that he had done it out of love.

And the bear would not apologize then do it all again.
A bear would never hurt me by hooking up with my friend.

A bear wouldn't lie to me about the intentions that it had.
And a bear wouldn't call me crazy, anytime it made me mad.

The bear would probably **** me yes.
But at least then it would be done.
I wouldn't have to live with the pain, of what the bear had done.

The bear wouldn't play games with my mind.
It would either **** me or not.
But if I were to choose the man,
well I'd be better off to not.

Cuz a bear wouldn't do any of those things,
that I just described.
But I've been with the man who did them,
and it left me barely alive.
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