I don't understand how someone so strong
Could think they are so weak
When they deal with way more bull
Than anyone should ever deal with.

I don't understand how someone that handsome
Could think they are that much of an abomination
When they have hated themselves way more
Than anyone should be hated, particularly him.

I don't understand how someone so amazing
Ended up so strong
So self-loathing
So anxious
So depressed
So misplaced
So disadvantaged.

I've written about it so many times
but my pain is still invisible,
wrapped up in beautiful words.
I wish someone would rip them apart,
revealing the cruelty of it all.
But still i'm standing here
dressed in a blanket of suffering,
trying to turn it into something beautiful,
but i've run out of ideas.
I'm trying to make you notice me,
lying in the arms of solitude,
naked, scared and worn.
I feel so vulnerable even thinking about it.
My only way to speak about it is poetry
and i've already said everything,
I'm only repeating myself.
But it's in vain,
comfort's still out of reach.

My Mind Is Screaming TOday
Saying *** YOU'RE Not OK
STARTED As A normal day
THEN MY Thoughts began to decay
Thought Of Me And YOU
HAPPY THOUGHTS
THEN Outta The BLUE
The Thought Of Losing YOU
NOT BECAUSE YOU can't love me
But BECAUSE Im Unlovable
This Is Why They Always LEAVE
I'm Mentally broken
I'm too needy
I Attach so quickly like a leech
They ALL End Up LEAVing
ONE TOLD Me I was the best but left me anyway...
If I'm THE Best THEN WHY Give Me Away?
I am happy....
So WHy do I wanna cry today
I Am Beautiful in and out...
It's MY Mind That's the one that likes to shout....
Am I Unlovable...
Or DO I convince my self I am?
DO I Make Them LEAVE...
Or Do I LOVE TO Hard?
Is IT Actually them like they say
... or is it me...
And I'm Really Not OK

All it took,
Was another crack in the shell
To come crumbling down
In a river of red and regret
Out in the open,
Oozing out my soul for others to see,
Some relate, some scoff,
I need not their pity,
I need a break from blaming myself.
When will I break from breaking down?

One step at a time
1...2...3...4
One task at a time
5...6...7...8
One day at a time
9...10...11
One second at a time
12...13...14...15
Maybe I won’t break down this time.

My mental health is like a rubber band.
If you pull it too far, it will get tight.
Until you pull it to hard.

Never again...
Will I let anyone in.
Never again...
Will I begin
To bring myself closer,
To being happier.
I will never move on,
For I've been done.
I will not wait,
No not in this state.
Nor even if someone
Was to find me,
And I start to be.
Never again...
Will I be sad
Or be mad.
Never again...
Will I let anyone in.
Cause when I've been
Broken,
There is no use for
Hoping.
Never again...
Will I make the same mistake.
And let someone in,
For my heart to break.

the coffee's too bitter
and i'm losing my tether
to the world of dreams
grounding me to reality.
i think i want to sleep but
the coffee's too bitter,
and my mind takes a thought
and runs with it.

i'm feeling it, feeling hopeless
bloom in my chest again.
i think that i don't care for once.
****, sadness won't
let me rest again.
i'll just fail for once.
let me fail for once.

i'm tired but the coffee tastes bitter
on my tongue.
i should be studying but
i'm getting so hung
over my spinning mind.
it feels nice to unwind
when you're so high strung.

i'm falling into this black hole,
and i fear that i don't really mind.
so where's the point,
where's the light dawning down on me?
where's my epiphany?

bitter coffee makes me bitter,
makes me sadder,
makes me think harder
about where i'm supposed to be.

now it's 1 am and i can't sleep.
the ice has melted in the cup.
i'm self-admittedly in love with
the idea of not giving a ****.