love does not hurt
it should not make you cry everyday
or make you feel worthless
it should motivate you
inspire you
make you want more for yourself
and build you up

so darling please
stop letting a silly boy
let you think that is love
because love does not hurt
and you deserve so much more

I've been in a marathon-love,
chasing and running until I'm tired.
Too tired to think and too tired to feel
what love really means
cause in the end, there will not be a happy ending.

boys
the way you try to look away in time
the way your hair falls in your face
or the way you hide under that hat or that band shirt

the way you pull me close
the way you smell my hair
and the way you throw me away

the way you lay your head on my chest
the way you talk like love
but the way you act like lust

the way you pick you pants up off my floor
the way you tie your shoes
and the way you walk out the door


men
the way your hands hold
like you’ve never seen something so precious
the way your nose is sweet
and the way your face is kind

the way you close your eyes when you smile
the way you sigh when my hands are in your hair
the way you ask me what i think
and the way you like who i am

I don’t know how we changed,
and when

I can’t remember the first time we kissed
or the first time we - well.
but I remember the first time you told me where you were living next year
and the second time
and the third.

you picked the right moment to meet me, or was it just chance?
that the club was closing but there was still time for one dance

and I only had one ciggie left but you didn’t mind sharing
and you knew where the after party was and you didn’t mind sharing

I have to stop seeing techno boys
Because I think that it’s meaningful when really I’m just high
on the music.

I really want to talk to you about how crazy it is that the light hitting the Earth right now is billions of years old
or maybe just how my day went because I’m not a Tumblr post

we’re sitting in the pub with two drinks between us like a moat
and I really want to tell you something
but I CAN'T because you're talking
about where you're going to be living
next year.

or what you study at uni & last week's pub crawl
you say all these words and you just say **** ALL

but I just smile and filter you out
because in the end I know there’s no doubt
that we’ll go home tonight and go through the motions
& in the morning you’ll leave to ‘charge your phone’

I’m kidding I’m kidding take me seriously, please
not that I care but it means the world to me

because the person you are in my head doesn’t match up
to the boy sitting in front of me on a ****-up

I think that I'm realising I’m in love with MY love
and it’s impossible for you to ever measure up

(but anyway you were kinda setting yourself up to fail)
(when you spend the whole date talking about trainer resales)

so I guess this is a break-up - if we even warrant that -
cause I know we won't speak if I don't text back

and then in three months, I’ll run into you again
and I’ll wonder how we changed,
and when.

What am I doing?
Chasing after boys with my bleeding heart in hand.
Asking them to show me music, “what’s your favorite band?”
I want to know what moves them, what makes them sway, and bend.
I’m hoping it’ll interest me, and lead me to their bed.
These thoughts that I have, the ones that circle in my head, have now created craters that no longer seem to end.
“One day” I whisper to myself, I won’t have to lend, my heart and thoughts to strangers, I’ll be whole instead.
But until then I promise to tread as lightly as possible, and I’ll repeat what I said; “living this life isn’t easy, but I’ll pay the price if need be.”

your ocean eyes, I swim among
while your vocals are echoing smoothy with every word you've sung
your hair like luscious trees
your kindness so strong, every night it brings the sun to its very knees
the thought of you makes my heart brake
not out of sadness, but in some other way you make it ache
I know the thought of you only exists within my mind
but I hope someday, one like you, I will find
oh send my dream boy, waiting for me with an open heart
because in this lifetime the two of us seem to be worlds apart


© L.F.