"dont do it"
i say to myself in my head

because i know i want to text you so bad
and talk once more
start things up
and see how you are

but i know it would be the worst mistake of all
because i know it will do me no good
it will only make me worse

im in love with someone else
but i still care about you
we grew up together
and now i never hear from you

i don't want you to get the wrong message if we speak
because i only care as a friend
but i know you care for more

you know me inside and out
and i thought i knew you inside and out as well
but no one really knows
because you never let anyone in
you almost let me in
but i ****** it up
and I'm sorry

i know you'll never forgive me
and when you see my face
you'll only think of what i did to you
and how hurt you were
and still are

but i am sorry
and saying sorry won't ever make up for it
but i will spend the rest of my life wishing i was different back then

i am different now
and i would never do now what i did to you then
but its too late
isn't it?

i want to see what you're up to
and hangout like we used to
spend hours just talking about pointless ****
but laughing uncontrollably

i want to spend hours on the phone
like we used to
about how life ***** but we'll make it through

life is short
and things change too quickly
without choice
or realization

its weird not talking to you
its weird not seeing you
its weird not having any communication at all
i miss it
but you'll get the wrong idea

because i miss you as a friend
but you miss me as someone more

im in love with someone else
and he is absolutely perfect
i will never let him go
but if you want to talk to me too
then you have to let me go

We are not dating
and
I don't like you.
You are one of my friends, and I love you as friend.

I saw your brown eyes in many ways:
when they're blue, I set your mood to red.
Setting fire so we could burn the whole blue horizon.

When they're grey, I laughed a lil bit because your idea of everything.
Listening to our dream and dancing till the day comes.

When they're brown, we went to our own world.
You were the king and i was the queen, ruling our kingdom and executing our sadness.

man, those were the days we looked at each others and said some *******.

then, the day came and we took different paths.

soon, I'll see you sit beside me, cheering the moment from our thrones.

As friend.

when you tell me how bad i am,
i start to shake.
i'm nauseous and i have goosebumps.
i didn't try hard enough for you and now you don't want to waste your time.
i need a cigarette.
i don't expect you to accept my apologies.
i didn't change before so why would i change now?
because you're threatening to leave?
because you're making me guilty?
why won't you listen to me?
i told you why i'm having a hard time.
my head doesn't want us to be happy.
my head is convinced that you're ******* with me.
my head is terrified.
the world is making this so difficult.
i'm going to *****. please give me another chance. don't leave yet.

your voice looks like you
big and goofy
deep and laced with your southern accent
it's leather and splattered with gold
it's sweet and sticky like your actavis
it's calming like the blunts you smoke
your voice is you
and i am in love with that voice.

your body reaches up into the sky like the buildings where you lived in harlem,
your hair and your jeans are dark like the tar in your lungs from all that smoking,
your face is scattered with dark moles like the night skies when you text me,
your smile is wide and goofy like mine when you call me baby girl,
your voice is deep and low like the rappers you listen to,
your hands are soft like the fleece inside your hoodies,
your hugs are warm like the texas sun that you used to bask under,
you're sweet like that cough syrup i drink,
you're strong like that *** i get drunk on,
you're calming like that **** i pack into a pipe,
you're fun like that extra pill i pop,
and you're my gentle giant.

His lips, soft like the inside of a rose,
meet mine as the fire within my soul grows -
and suddenly the world stops spinning and time has come to a standstill;
there is only he and I in this moment along with love, lust and thrill.
His fingertips lace my skin, caressing my body
and fireworks explode within every part of me.
*He is the colour in my world so monochrome –
and being with him in every moment feels like home.