I almost texted you good morning
I forgot
We aren't talking
You had become my second nature

I have to wonder why
Why I feel bad telling you what's on my mind
I can't really help what I feel
I know it's not part of my appeal
I don't like the thought of you and her
Well not just her, any her
But I have always thought she was gorgeous
More outspoken than me, but not flawless
Most hers are

I can't help I'm insecure
I know you love me
Say it more?
As much as I wish I could read your mind
I can't always see it in your eyes

Having my brother tell me sent my heart pacing
My anxiety racing
Did you feel you had something to hide?
Or was it just not on your mind?
Were you trying not to make me mad?
Because instead you just made me sad

I love you more than my heart can bear
I don't want you to feel like you can't be friends
But I'd rather it if I was there
Or maybe you could tell me she was there
Instead of me finding out through somebody else
It hurt me more than I'll ever tell

Seeing that look in your eyes
I couldn't help but apologize
I can't help the way I feel
Maybe you should tell me why I have nothing to fear
Doesn't anything bother you?
How can I help you understand
What's going on in my head
Is out of my hands

You can climb to the mountain peak
But it won't set you free
You'll find it's lonely at the top
And the air is hard to breathe

You can search the ocean deep
For pearls pure and true
But in your search, I think you'll find
The water's cold and cruel

You can travel lands of brightest suns
In search of warmth to find
Abandon shelter that you've known
Just leave it all behind

But the sun will surely betray you
The mirage of bliss, scorched and burned
Perfection a dream that can't be reached
Another hard lesson learned

When your quest is finally over
You'll realize the love i had was true
But I won't be here with open arms
'cause you've no more roads to choose

I gave you the worthy
Before you got noticed
In the sounds of your night
I wiped away lonely
Teach me to fly
Was written upon you
Now that lessons are done
You not coming for reunion
..oh
You got blinded by the Skies
Well they are blue
Cause you got them confused
Do you know what you want..
.they ask..

he held her hand so tight
    like he'd never let her go

he hugged her with all his might
    like he'd never let her be hurt

he kissed her lips so passionate
    like he'd never get to kiss her again

            and so he was right
                because he left
                    and she was hurt





(samber)

And as he leaves me with his words of wisdom
His blessing
I am expelling every sound he utters away from myself
I flinch from his touch
A pat on the back is like acid on my skin
In his presence I am forced to tape myself up
Whether it is to keep myself from exploding or from falling apart I still don't know
But there are times when my pieces begin to shake and quiver so violently that I start to leak and a storm rages in my head while the rain escapes through my eyes
It is in that moment that I scream at him to leave, without making a sound
And it scares me that he knows what I look like naked
because he has stared at women with my same body on the internet and has drooled over the same curves and lumps that I have
And it scares me how he can sound so sane. So sane that he convinces himself that he is stable
And it scares me that no one but me and my mother will ever truly understand how distorted his thought process is
All this fear and anger sit, rotting inside my stomach and at the center of the mass of hate, there is a spot of sadness for the good dad that left when I began to understand the things a young child should not be able to understand