The pain of today has brought me to my knees.
Today is an anniversary of something that happened 2 years ago....
I disgraced my family.
I harmed myself.
I can't take it back either.
It's been haunting me since.
I got help but it didn't help me...
It gets worse but then it gets better.
Things have changed since then.
But not by much.
Even when things got to be too much I locked myself up...
I pushed people away.
I still do.
Nothing will change that...
I see him in the hallways everyday at school.
I see him with his friends all day long.
But he doesn't want anything to do with me.
All he says and does makes me feel worse.
He doesn't say anything at all to me.
The way he looks at me makes me feel betrayed.
The way I still feel about him will never change.
Why did he do this to me.
When he smiles, the way his eyes sparkle, and his dimples show.
The way he laughs, and moves makes me fall even deeper in love.
Throws one punch.
I can't fight it.
Ducks from another punch.
Why can't I control it.
Throws two punches.
I hate this feeling.
I am going to break and lash out.
Punches a wall.
Can't things go back to normal?
Why must love be so different.
I love many things but..
staying in love and not getting hurt.
Thats the problem.
Every time I fall in love wtih a guy or gal..
I get hurt.
Why am I so scared?
When will I be able to be who I really am?
Will I ever be accepted into society?
Where have I gone?
Where is the real me?
Where is the little Siearra that doesn't care who laughs at her?
Why can't I be my old self again....
When can I stop caring?
Will I ever be the same?
No one should care about me...
This poem is personal to myself... My name is Siearra...