Sitting in a room filled with a thousand girls
All nervous and anxious to meet their new futures
Whats your name?
Whats your major?
Normal and only inquiry asked from hesitant lips
My surroundings are wavering and changing with every second
I am a numberless count
Enclosed by hundreds
Speak to me heart, and you'll have me
Diversity, love and values matching me to my new home
The need for belonging after years of rejection
I now pledge my heart to you
To love for devotion
My days are no longer just myriad and empty
Laughter mixed with loyalty binds me to you
You are not the sun that I orbit
But the moon that shines in my darkest hours
To accept an invitation among the stars is to join a constellation of illuminated descendants that watch over and protect

sometime during the day
the sun called her
and it spoke
it came in the form of a gray butterfly
(not everything is as it seems)
and it told her how important it is
to find your dream and hold tight
cool water over her head
it told her how summer goes fast
and creating may seem silly
but only to those who don’t understand
it said in wingbeats
steady and rhythmic , “
never stop writing in the morning
but for your sake girl, get some sleep
I won’t take it personally if you don’t stay awake
just to greet me in my youth-
just as you can’t follow the light into the horizon
you cannot beat the mourning”
it said to her softly in the blinks of sapphire eyes ,  “
elephants never forget
but they forgive
spring means rebirth,
not rain to wallow in
and
weeds matter just as much as the flowers planted there on purpose
silly girl,
take a day to read
and run fast but don’t live that way
it flew away eventually
disappeared into a green tree
in a meadow of wish flowers
sometimes the best things in life are quiet


the mountain range called night
enveloped her
the stars stood still
and she thought she could fly
see what was real
why she was born
the magic sensation of belonging
the rain felt like night too
and the winter sound wasn’t deafening
it was just loud enough
to  be a favorite memory
something worth holding on to
like an alliance
how memories feel
you and me
together
against the tests of time
even when it’s standing still
the little blue house and the blue girl
one night they ran
right the way the butterfly came and went
past the green tree thicket
and the field of wish flowers
and they
never
came
back

The world outside her window is the same
Unbearably tame
Mile after mile
Tree after tree
It blurs with the sound of her heartbeat
It feels fake
Almost, as fake
As the perfect little house
And the perfect little yard
That her imperfect family resides in
That most people call home
She can't bring herself to it as she pulls off
Hurls herself through the woods
Along the thin dirt path
Up the grueling climb
To the top of the mountain
She finally pauses to breathe
As she exhales she grins
Effervescent and sighs
"Home"

there's an ache that corner's me
and seeps deep into my bones.
this place,this space is not my own.
i feel so lost here sometimes,
running in circles tryna bump into my
better self with her higher purpose.
the loneliness digs all the joy out of me.
i'm jaded.
the quiet seas of my mind and heart
calm only to allow me a vision
of the true depths of this
monstrous uneasiness
and anger and frustration
burning me
from the inside out,
scorching any remains of
a sanity i never claimed.
this piece of lint on my soul
threatens to stir more of
my long forgotten and forgiven
darkness from it's torn and restless
slumber.like a dragon breaking free
of it's ancient chains this time round
there will be no surrender,only a kind
of death that numbs every sense
and dulls all emotion.

i'm quiet on the inside

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
And I don't think anyone ever will.

the smell was thick with sadness
and the sound was full of dung
the corridor of cages
filled with hopeful, empty eyes.
my dog was in there somewhere
waiting to go home,
I just had to find him
and know he was the one.

I almost couldn't make it out
myself.

he came inside the house
and on a blanket lied
not knowing this was permanent
not feeling he was home
not trusting he would be embraced
and never left outside.

he didn't have a name
that he could recognize

the vet declared neglect
but our hearts already knew
the only color in his eyes
was what he never knew

some medicine, a bath and food
began to lift his spirit
but lots of love and gentle hands
gave him ear to hear it;
the love that he could have,
the home where he can live,
and kindness that doesn't leave.
he now belongs.

and so do we.

And I don't want anyone to know.
This wanderlust has got me reeling;
I am begging for a new start.

But can I stay?
I've never been able to before.
My travels are visits and habits, never routine.

I am no one.
I am nowhere.
You can't miss me that way.

My wishful thinking has led me astray again
I'm out of place like a ship at sea that belongs in a bottle
And sinking just as quickly into shallow water.

I yearn for you to caress my insecurities again
And suture my aching wounds.
Though old, they still open from time to time (especially with every photograph of you I see).

I wish it was my birthday or Christmas so that I may hear from you.
Not blessed by your voice (I am not that naïve) but perhaps
A message on a screen tantamount to some words scribbled onto a napkin to tell me where I belong...
-------------------------------------------
It should not take so long to belong to something greater;
Maybe this sinking is a blessing -
And the ocean will welcome me.

My heart is an Anchor.
A dead weight.
And a life lifter.

My mouth a funnel,
my throat the tunnel,
and my heart the core from which words irrigate.

My mind is the filter.
Some times nondescript I elicit words and rhymes explicit
about how my mind sits in a different dimension where words are living.

My heart is here anchored and grounded.
Sometimes I feel like earth-bonded solid mountain.
Sometimes I feel like a Soul punished and grounded.