I wanted to wait a whole year to write again and stopped myself short Not a lot has changed these days except for the fact that I find myself more and more Having conversations with you, lord Not just "why god?" or "I don't understand war or cancer in children or having to beg to be forgiven" - my knees are practically through this floor I'm pleading yet more positive; I've gained perspective Learning to give respect more and allow myself to be respected Letting go of the past and becoming more accepting Giving love to parts of me I once neglected
But still I fail to comprehend why I'm so angry at you And, at times, all of those that have done me wrong Wish I didn't have to rhyme or think how this would go in a song I want to say, "**** all of that" and move along
But this is the man I have become. The beast of burden we have made. I will keep moving and stay smiling because the sun never shines in the shade. It cost me so much to get to where I am - I will not take for granted my happiness But don't for one second think I need you, I am blessed
Because I made the choice.
"so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream"
I wonder if you've noticed I've left that port city we came to know together Vanished like many of the winds on the Atlantic do And all that remains of me there will either live on only in memory Or die with your lack of sleep and sympathy.
I want to travel to space if only to fly directly into the sun I want to scream at a mirror until I lose my voice I want to feel the world tremble for me I want to strike fear and strike first
I want to destroy everything beautiful that I've worked so hard for I want to watch my own funeral and get lost in the flames engulfing my body I want to ****; **** love, I want visceral, shallow insecurities to ebb and flow I want to feel like myself again but in a better body
I want to know why I was made to die. I want chaos. I need sleep. They keep me sick so that I can feel better. "It's all in your head".
Insomnia, sweet love. You never cease to ravage me.