I’m afraid to sleep on earth
for the fear of having to fight again
battling for rest
only against myself

Past the stratosphere
no one can hear you dream
like they were trying all along

And I can’t either
which is what made it so appealing
but you can only wrestle with nothing up there
for so long
until the sky comes down again

Today might be the day it all becomes too much
The day I grow tired of scratching at this wound
Digging deeper and deeper, scratching until my fingers are raw
Pulling at my skin, pulling myself apart
Pulling at these twisted tendrils,
hoping to finally strip them away
Hoping that there is still something salvageable
and I wonder: what if nothing is left unsoiled underneath it all?

Is today the day it all becomes too much?
The day I grow tired of obsessing
Obsessing over every thought in my mind or move I make
Obsessing to the point that I find no rest
Spending every waking and sleeping moment dissecting every situation
Only to find that I am helpless to change what has already happened
and the actions of others
Still I wonder:  was it something I did?

Is today the day it all becomes too much?
The day I grow tired of the ugliness
An ugliness I carry and see in the world around me
Nothing seems worth hanging onto for another aching second
As I confront myself and am forced to look in my own eyes each day
I grow more tired of being in this skin
so I pick at it again and again
Longing to hurt myself, to feel any pain but the pain of existing
Still I wonder: would they be better off without me?

Is today the day it all becomes too much?
The day I grow tired of trying
Trying to find meaning in a life centered on meaninglessness
Trying to keep smiling when my heart and soul feel so heavy
and my face feels as though it will crack if I pretend for another minute
I wouldn't wish this on anyone
Fighting an enemy that isn't tangible for so long
Still I wonder: is this enemy even real?
Something I can't touch or describe,
but have in my mind every day
Urging me to hate myself and bringing me down,
every step feels weighted down
Pulling me further into myself and away from my surrounds
Is today the day it all becomes too much?

Holy water cannot help you now
Thousand armies couldn't keep me out
I don't want your money
I don't want you crown
I've come to burn your kingdom down
And no river or lakes can put the fire out

What do I do with the burning in me?
Should i share it or burn alive?

Awaken every dragon
Awaken every wolf
I am hell with skin
Not a gentle human

There is something hiding behind my eyes and inside my soul
They should have checked the ashes
Of the woman they burned alive
Cause all it takes is a single wild ember
To bring a whole wildfire to life
We rise from ourselves, when the pain has dried us out
Cause there is nothing left in our hearts after the drought

War is not a game

I'm not the monster you think i am
I'm just the monster you wanted me to be
You can hate your demons
With all that you are
You can yell and scream
Curse them with all your heart
But at the end of the day
They're the only ones that see your scars
When you remove the mask that hides your face
They're the only ones that see who you really are

We are a new breed rising
With fire in our eyes
We don't fear anything cause we have already died
Molten eyes and a smile made for war

Oh so you want a battle i will give you a war
You will have to wade through blood
You will have to give everything up
But then you will be washed clean
Judge me if you want we are all going to die
I intend to, i deserve it

You want a fight, ill bring you the war
But take off the masks and let your monsters soar

So hush little baby don't say a word
And never mind that noise you heard
It's just the beast under you bed
In your closet
In your head
Cause monsters don't sleep under your bed
They hid and they manifest inside your head

We all have our demons and skeletons hidden away
The war that is coming won't change our fate
We all will die, we all get a grave
There is nothing you can do to change your fate

Are you the hero or villain? There is no difference
We have been blurred grey till we can't tell the difference
A villain  is a victim who wasn't saved
A hero is haunted day by day

Everyone will always be a monster
There's no turning back
But what type is up to you

My thoughts are too dark
You'd suffocate in them
Stop hiding a part of yourself away like the moon
We will be revealed soon

Lay down your burden.
Lay down your arms.
Hardship is over and all is numb.
You finally get to rest.
You finally get to let go.
Fall down in the snow and let nature take you.
You are not alone, never.
Thousands of bodies are scattered on the battlefield.
They all had lives.
They all had futures.
They all ended too soon.
Go ahead and turn the snow strawberry red.
Your song will be played.
Your name will live on.
We will remember you forever more.
So rest now, my soldier.
Your brothers shall bring the peace.

Oh, Rizal, hear our plea
For in our country's reality
The corrupt grow more powerful
As the elders become boastful

Pinned down condescendingly
By others buzzing like bees
With this ignorance that doesn't die
We feel that we can only try

But we will fight even as we cry
Our voices put down, may it never be pried
Away from the truth, we are shied
Now await our pent-up battle cry

We will march along the over-trodden streets
Along with the sound of where our hearts beat
For justice and for fairness
We bear your wish with gladness

No one seems to understand
just how heavy this burden is to bear
what it takes to get out of bed
what it’s like to fight your own mind
to face these thoughts daily
and to somehow not give up
to keep fighting though you want to quit
to keep breathing when you wish you would stop
Imagine for a minute, each second is agony
each thought is worse than the last
imagine feeling so heavy
feeling so tired from fighting
just trying to be “normal”
tured of forcing a smile
and you’re told to stop thinking this way
as though you’re in control of this
as if medication is not keeping you afloat
as if this depression can just be turned off
no one understands this burden
longing to die, but dying to live
hoping for anything to pull you back above the surface
so that you don’t drown in the darkness
No one can understand this burden

This is where I stand.
Intrinsic beauty in each drop of tear
that splashes my eyes.
Pride in my unclad figure
like faith in a benign tumor
Behold the majesty of surrender
as I severe ties with a talking mind
that feeds on attention; evermore
Since I stand,free of giving.
Behold! I no longer am
the hands you can shake
or the lips you can kiss
My peers envy those tears
they cannot cry.

Tina RSH